What to say?

Jpl5036608

my daughter is 41 and has stage 4 denovo breast cancer. Almost 24 months since diagnosis and NED. . She is unable to cope at all with the what if nature of stage 4. She is convinced she is dying and only reads articles or blogs of people who get recurrences and die. She has started smoking cigarettes and told me she is trying to die. She has two little girls and a husband. She is very dramatic and narcissistic and I do not know what to say.

tangandchris

What do you mean she is very dramatic and narcissistic? Please do not say that to her!!

Without really knowing either of you it's hard to understand your relationship dynamics. But I know what I wish my mom would say to me.

I would like for her to tell me she loves me. I would like for her listen and not judge. I would love for her to ask how I'm doing and then really listen.

This would be a great start.

Jpl5036608

of course I would not say this to her. Mostly i say just what you said “I love you" or I say ok or not much. Not sure that is enough for her.No matter what I say at these times it would be wrong. The anger is tough. Easier to discuss the kids and focus on them. But I hate that she seems to be sabotaging treatment. She has told her psychiatrist that she is self harming she told me and I just asked what he said. She said he said nothing and I dropped that. It is difficult to watch. We moved across the country when she was diagnosed as she said she needed us. I am glad we did. I will try to keep my mouth shut about the self harm. Can I say I love you and I am not prepared to lose you?