Blindsided emotionally, days before surgery

saltmarsh

Trigger Warning: Death from breast cancer

So...

Context: I have an unusual name. And pretty much the only people who know where it comes from are people from the corner of the world it comes from. Nearly everyone else assumes or guesses wrong.

I had a call today from a gentleman at the hospital I'll be having surgery at in two days. He was calling to let me know the time of my surgery and what time to arrive, etc. And when he was done with all of that, he said, "May I ask you a question? A personal question?" And I knew it would be about my name, because his accent indicated strongly that he was likely from the same corner of the world as my name. And that is fine. It is a natural curiosity I have run into many times when I meet people from there.

So he asked how I came by my name and when I told him, what he said next blindsided me. Maybe it shouldn't have, but it did. You see, what he said was, "I knew another patient by that name."

And that's when my heart both warmed and sank all at once.

"I knew a woman by that name, and she, like you, was from here. And she was a patient at the Dana-Farber when I worked there several years ago. She was a really, really lovely woman, a very nice woman." And he went on to describe some things he remembered about her.

Y'all. It was my mom. She was diagnosed with LCIS back in 2006, and went through treatment there. She passed away in 2014. As heartwarming as it is that he remembers her so fondly -- and people often do, particularly random people she met and chatted up on the street, or in offices, or waiting in line someplace -- it also was heartbreaking to have to tell him she was gone. And it was hard remembering her.

He acknowledged that he knew it was unprofessional to ask me, and I do not blame him at all. Part of me is so glad he did. But I'm still sitting here with tears streaming down my face. He said he will be working when I go in for surgery Wednesday, and gave me his name and said that if I remembered our conversation and was up for meeting him, he would appreciate the chance to meet my mother's daughter.

*sigh*

Anyway, so that was my surprise this week. And now I'm trying to figure out how to contain my emotions -- or whether that's even necessary or desirable.

Feel free to weigh in. Or share your own weird story.

JKL2017

Saltmarsh, as difficult as that must have been for you, I hope that you realize what a wonderful tribute that was to your mother. The fact that she touched this man's heart to such a degree tells me that she was someone very special. Although it was understandably hard for you to think about her - and especially to tell him that she was gone - wasn't it heartwarming to know that she had such a profound effect on someone who was little more than a stranger to her? I think it is beautiful that he would “appreciate the chance to meet (your) mother's daughter." Maybe your mother sent this man to let you know that she will be watching over you during your upcoming surgery.

I don't know whether you will decide to meet this man or not. You will know what feels right when the time comes. Grief never completely goes away but, at least for me, its edges are softened when I am reminded how fortunate I am to have had that person in my life. Good luck with your surgery and rest easy knowing that your guardian angel will be with you.

jhl

Saltmarsh,

What a lovely & tender encounter. Please know that nice gentleman and all of us will keep you in our thoughts in 2 days. I am glad he shared his experience with your mom. I truly believe he knew & kept your mom in his thoughts and I also truly believe he will wishing the best for you.

Be well,

Jane

AliceBastable

saltmarsh, my mother had breast cancer in 2005. She died, from other causes, in 2018, just months before my diagnosis. If someone at my hospital had known and remembered her, I'd have been absolutely delighted to hear of it. I love odd little coincidences like that, and appreciate them as confirming some sort of continuity of life. Maybe think of the person who knew your mother as a bridge between her and you to let you know she is still connected to you.

DebAL

Sometimes people come into our lives at the right time. Wishing you the best. I agree with Alice about the bridge. Let your emotions be what they are.. Take care

Cowgirl13

I would love to have had that experience. Everyone loved my mom and she could talk to anyone, from all walks of life. She died at 56 of breast cancer.

exbrnxgrl

saltmarsh,

Well that just made me cry! Yes, it must have been a great emotional trigger but a lovely gift all the same ❤️

Harley07

I'm going to be the naysayer here. I don't want to upset you but would like to gently suggest that this gentleman was highly unprofessional in bringing up another patient even if you do share the same name and the other patient is your mother. If you have an unusual name, a bit of google searching may have provided him with just enough information to make the connection. Just because he is a hospital employee does not mean he has good intentions. I sincerely hope this nothing nefarious, but I would be cautious if you do decide to meet him. FWIW - in my area the hospital folks calling to confirm surgery times etc. are working from home and are not based in the hospital.

Wishing you all the best with your surgery.