Biopsy on Monday. It feels like nobody cares.

Ilikedogs

Hi friends. I have a BiRAD 4 biopsy scheduled on Monday morning. They wants to take a look at a 1.8cm cluster of calcifications.

I only told my 3 female “friends" (plus my husband). He is being great and supportive. My friends are either dismissive or are downplaying it.

One of them responded with “I hope everything goes well. Good luck". And that's it. No “Do you want to talk?" Or “Can I help in any way" or anything like that. Another one said something along the lines of “chances are it is early and it is so treatable these days so not bad overall even if it is something." Once again - no “should we talk? Are you ok?”And the third one is ghosting me

I don't want to sound like a baby but is this normal?

This weekend and next week will be hell emotionally and i guess I was hoping for some kindness.

Sorry for this. I know we all are going through some sort of 💩 at the moment.

LivinLife

Sorry you are dealing with this! I hear your hurt, surprise, disappointment in your friends, along with feeling mad.... There would be multiple reasons for the downplay.... My guess is they, or at least some of them, have not been through this before to know how it feels. It's also possible they have or know others who have and are holding onto the fact most of these come back benign. Either way you want and need support and they are not there for you. You could let it go though I'd also consider, maybe once biopsy results are in, asking them if they've been through this (or remember what it was like), how scared you were and wishing they would've reached out to you.... often people don't reach out because they really don't know what to say too.... Let us know how the biopsy goes Monday.... Best with that! Also please let us know once you hear about results....

Dani444

I am sorry you are in the waiting game, it is a tough place to be. I am sorry about the reactions from your friends. Your anxiety about the upcoming procedure and results is so valid. It doesn’t matter that everyone is going through some sort of 💩, this is your 💩 situation! I had a BIRADS 5 and told a few people after having my biopsy and they only wanted to focus on that 5% that it could have been benign. What I wanted to hear was damn this really sucks, I bet you a freaking scared. Or something to that effect. I hope that you can find moments of peace while you wait. Please know that this wonderful community is always here to listen. Let us know how the procedure goes. We are here for you

Ilikedogs

Thank you so much. Having this community is so so helpful. You know I always think that it takes a village when things go sideways and it is just sad to realize that I don’t have a village.

But that’s fine. Hopefully it is nothing. Trying to stay positive but it is not easy.

Bookpusher

I am sorry your friends were dismissive. Perhaps they think downplaying the situation will make you feel less anxious. But in reality, what we need is a big hug and some empathy. Sending warm thoughts your way and prayers for good results. Those of us who have been through it certainly understand your fear and anxiety. I hope you can find some things to keep you busy - the waiting is really difficult. Good luck

AliceBastable

Even having taken several rides on Cancer Train, I don't think I'd know what to say if a friend told me they were having a biopsy, beyond "Good luck." I told my husband when I was getting one because he was driving me there and back, but I didn't tell anyone else until I had a diagnosis and surgery scheduled. I know "biopsy" sounds like "BIOPSY!!!!" to some people, but to others, it's like "I'm getting a blood test" or "I'm getting an x-ray."

lupie246

I'm sorry that was the reaction you got from your friends. I think some people just don't know what to say, or understand the anxiety - especially if they've never been through something similar. Cancer runs rampant in my family so if a friend says they're having a test/biopsy done I'm always the first to say "what do you need from me?". Sending love & peace during the wait.

star2017

I've found a lot of people just don't know how to act or respond to news like this. They think downplaying it is a kindness and a comfort. Perhaps once you're past this waiting stage, you can share your feelings with them. Or do it now. Let them know what you need. Don't wait to be asked.

I do hope that the news is good.

Rah2464

Ilikedogs sorry you haven't gotten the support you needed from your friends. So many people do not know how to even approach someone that is going through testing or diagnosed with cancer. I think it is all related to their own personal fears somehow. I know myself that I just didn't truly understand how best to speak to someone else until I was diagnosed myself. I don't think they are trying to be dismissive but it feels that way to you. So I will say - I am sorry you are having to go through this. It is scary and upsetting and difficult. I am glad you are taking care of yourself and pursuing the biopsy as ordered. I truly hope that it is benign. All my very best to you.

typhoon

Ilikedogs - I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! The unknown is often more frightening than the known, and I'm glad you will have some answers soon - hopefully that all is benign!

With regards to the reactions of your friends, did you tell them in person, or via text/email? I ask because the reactions to news like yours can be very different, depending on whether you are face-to-face or writing to each other. For your friends, it's easier for them to get clues (facial expressions, body language, tone of voice) about the type of support you are looking for when you are together in person. Unfortunately, too often people don't think to ask (in person or in writing) the most simple question: "How can I help you through this?" I would be inclined to assume noble intent (i.e. the friends who responded were doing the best they could under the circumstances, and the friend who didn't respond either hasn't seen your notification or simply doesn't know what to say), and move past the disappointment at their initial reactions.

I hope you are focusing on your own emotional health this weekend, that the biopsy is quick and smooth, and that you get the best possible results.