Attitude of health care professional

MEandJax

I have been assigned a Breast Health Navigator (BHN) who is supposed to help me along the way.

I know that I am overly sensitive by nature, but would like to know what you folks think about this.

I was waiting for the tumor board (surgeon, oncologist, pathologist, BHN, and radiation oncologist) to meet again after my MRI, the BHN told me that the surgeon was out another week. I expressed dismay and was told "you are not the only one." I did not take the well, because I felt like I should be treated as if I am the only one. (I did swallow my pride and grumble after hanging up the phone).

What do you folks think, should she have kept that comment to herself or am I over reacting?

I know better than to ask a question that I don't want the answer to, but I would like to know your thoughts; so it can reign me in if necessary. I am a work in progress afterall. :-)

Harley07

I do think healthcare workers are overwhelmed. However, IMO, a nicer response would have been if she expressed a little empathy and acknowledged that waiting is very difficult and they will respond as quickly as possible when the surgeon returns. We all know they have lots of patients, however, at that moment she was talking to only one patient - YOU. And that's where the focus should be.

serendipity09

MEandJax - I think that was very rude of her and that she should've shown a bit more compassion for you. She could've stated it in a polite manner. You are entitled be to be over sensitive! So yes, I think she should've kept the comment to herself had she not been able to come up with another way phrasing it to not make you feel this way. One of my surgeries was pushed out for months due to covid, but the surgical planner was very nice and even apologetic, even though it wasn't her fault, about it and made sure to tell me that I'd be put on the waiting list.

My BHN was very empathetic and supporting from day one and throughout my treatment. Towards the end of my treatment when I needed to decide between a lumpectomy or MX she came to meet with me during my chemo and to discuss my options. When I told her that I was leaning towards a BMX her entire demeanor changed and very rudely told me "we don't encourage the amputation of a healthy breast." She tried to change my decision but in a very non compassionate and aggressive tone. I became very guarded and argumentative. I felt as if I was being attacked. I was told from the beginning, by all of my doctors, it was my choice. My nurse overheard what was going on and asked her to leave. My nurse was appalled at what she had witnessed. I felt I was being shamed for my decision. I reported it to my MO, the nurse must've said something to someone as well, she is no longer with associated with my cancer clinic, not sure as to the reasoning. I was shocked at the change in her, she had been so helpful and BAM, she did a complete180 on me.

Best of luck to you!

exbrnxgrl

Yes, she could have worded her response more tactfully. I also agree that our health care workers have been working in a pressure cooker for a long time and although they are professionals, they are human beings as well. So although her choice of words was poor, don’t take it personally. Take care.

Jetcat

if you have the option to switch to another BHN, I would. You’re in an extremely stressful situation and you deserve compassion every step of the way. This person should certainly know this and her snippy response was out of line. I left my first oncologist because I found her condescending and I felt that I was dealing with enough to not have to dread appointments with her on top of everything else. In the US, we pay dearly for our healthcare and we are customers of a highly profitable system. We should be treated with respect and empathy during the treatment process and all other contacts.

if you don’t have the choice to switch, then please know it’s her bad, not yours. And if something similar happens again, assertively tell her off and report her.

Take good care

gb2115

I had a triage nurse at my oncologist treat me in a similar manner. I called, upset about vomiting that had caused a hemorrhoid, and her words to me were "well, at least it's not diarrhea, that would be worse."

I mean, I'm throwing up from chemo, and you're telling me that my problem could be worse. I found it rude. She also gave me a bunch of suggestions, all of which I had either tried or was allergic to, and her response was that those things work for her. I'm glad that ginger tea works for the nurse's nausea, but what I needed was a different nausea medicine. But it took a long time to get her to send the message to my actual nurse.

K-Gobby

I started on this road on June 28th. I am going to the City of Hope in Duarte, California. A Well known Comprehensive Cancer Center and research facility. I did though, start at Emanate Care, which took over a number of hospitals, including the one i was born in. At that first place, my birth hospital in 1960, the Mammogram ladies were kind and considerate. The Ultrasound lady was kind and considerate. The biopsy man was kind and considerate. The check in people were too.

A thought i started with was something an older friend of mine said. If someone talking with you is snarky, it is not right. Tell someone if you feel it was unacceptable. Yet remember, for sure remember that all these people are human. Tragedies happen, death and divorce and more. Not even doctors are capable of leaving it all at home. Snarkiness and condescending attitudes come to work. I love this friend who said this. She is 80 plus and says her doctor visits with office people calling her sweetie and more is babifying. Just because she has white hair! Her name is Carol. Above all else, be your own advocate. If it does not feel right, say something. In my short time on this site, I have read this over and over in peoples blogs.

I thanked God for my "so far" at City of Hope. My visit with the surgeon I felt like i was heard. My visit yesterday with the Medical Oncology group was mostly very good. Blood taking area staff, genetics signer upper gal named Snow, the Nurse Practitioner was a bit matter of fact, but thorough and listen and acknowledged what i asked and said. Dr. Patel the Medical Oncologist had a wonderful manor about her. Asked about how i am feeling. I said i am trusting the process and the knowledge and resources of this breast cancer team. I did say i would not want to go to work without a wig. No way. She said it is OK, there is time to plan, as she wants me on disability or not at work during the treatment. She covered the treatment plan i had been given. The next steps in getting a port, the reason for a port and the medications and what they may cause in terms of side effects. I really felt like i am part of the decision making in my journey. Has this been the experience of any of you?

MEandJax

Thank you all for the quick and compassionate responses. I agree, humanity is a factor.

This helps me personally and I appreciate the varying opinions.

You folks are a great support group.

ME

Cowgirl13

ME, I would have been devastated. Very, very poor choice of words and a mean and dismissive response.

Bad2theBoob

Hi MEandJax!

Nice to “meet" you. Is it possible that the BHN meant it as in “you are not the only one who is upset about waiting another week"?

MEandJax

Hi Bad2thevo on, nice to meet you too.

I love your username.

It's very possible that is what she meant.