Sadness

LoverofJesus

Today is Father’s Day i need to vent. and I feel just numb! I have been diagnosed for 4 weeks, had my first chemo and I just feel sad!
I try to feel something close to normal and I try to enjoy my life. But it is so hard when it feels like each day is filled with anxiety because of this.
How do we manage? I still have not figured it all out. This past weekend I was so tired from the let down of steroids. Not sick, just tired. And I feel like I constantly have appointments and drs to see. I am trying to keep life somewhere close to normal it’s just so hard.

Praying for all of you out there feeling the same as me. Feeling like I dump on my family and they have had their lives taken away for this horrible thing too.

Thank you for allowing me to vent and have a quick pity party! I guess I just needed it.

I know I have many on here say it gets easier. I just hope that happens sooner than later.

Happy Father’s Day and have a wonderful Sunday.

flashlight

I think what you are going through is a normal reaction. The first year is rough, mentally and physically. Sending you best wishes.....

exbrnxgrl

I agree with flashlight. Time will be your greatest healer. You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be “normal” when you were just diagnosed a month ago!! Yes, this is definitely the time when you have lots of medical appointments and/or other things related to bc. Does your mo or medical facility offer counseling? That might help give some perspective on dealing with your situation. I don’t know what your past medical experiences have been but bc is not a quick fix like something that just heals in 4-6 weeks. As you yourself are experiencing, there is a huge mental/emotional toll that it takes as well. Be kind to yourself. Take care.

buttonsmachine

Give yourself time. There is real grief in this diagnosis, and it will take time to reconcile it. I think what you are experiencing is natural, but if it becomes too overwhelming don't be afraid to reach out to your care team for extra help. ((Hugs))

Esther01

LoverofJesus,

I agree with you and with the wisdom of these sweet ladies. You are four weeks into your diagnosis. I remember at that point that my head was still spinning with shock and I was very scared. I hated all the doctor visits (and co-pays). My brain took time to catch up with my new reality. I remember deliberately soothing it for awhile to help it adjust. I started cutting myself major slack, because when we are preoccupied and anxious about something, the brain has to work that much harder. I found some soft fuzzy slippers to putter around in, stocked up on my favorite teas, started watching comedies and started deliberately taking better care of myself. In the shower, I would distract myself from worry by singing hymns, covering my breast and lymph nodes and thanking God for beginning to heal my body. One day when I was feeling scared, my sister looked at me and said, "You will make it. This is not a terrible thing, rather it is an adventure for you and a road to health. Stay positive, and make it your ministry to encourage others who will walk through it, too." She also said to journal, which I am still meaning to do.

That was five months ago and I'm now 10 days past surgery. Another thing that helped was that from the outset I wanted to know how my body had allowed cancerous cells to grow, and what I could do to kill them and grow healthy ones instead. I found a really great integrative doctor. She's helped me immensely. I never knew I wasn't caring for my cellular health and now it makes sense how it manifested with cancer. My doctor offers a weekly hourlong Ask the Doctor Q&A on YouTube. So one blessing I already see is that I'm getting my cells much healthier than they were prior to this diagnosis and starting to make my body more inhospitable to cancer.

The Q&A tomorrow is on YouTube. Tustin Longevity Center (Dr. Rita Ellithorpe).

Their next Ask the Doctor Q&A is tomorrow at 5:30 pm PDT.

Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU__Hi0cqEeMVCiIY...

She answers all medical questions, live and on the spot. I always type a question or two into the chat

Please feel free to PM me anytime.

Blessings,

Esther

NorCalS

LoverofJesus,

I felt the same way two years ago when I was first diagnosed and starting my first AC infusion. I was very sad and scared. It does get better, but you need to give yourself time to grieve, feel sad, etc. It’s a process that we all seem to go through. Big hugs to you and wishing you well