Haven't been back to breast specialist due to massive anxiety

Oxbury

My psychologist has indicated I've very likely got PTSD due to various medical procedures that went very badly in my life, and that all the scans and tests and biopsies last year were effectively retraumatizing. I'd say they're probably right as I had another MRI in December, and was supposed to go for an ultrasound and a surgical excision biopsy in January but bailed out because every time I think about anything vaguely medical I get panicky and depressed. The last MRI I had went fine but when I got home I had the worst panic attack I've had in several years. I thought I'd outgrown those, but apparently not.

I read the letter from the breast specialist to the GP today - it gets uploaded to a portal of my health records as a public service here in Australia - notifying my GP I hadn't attended the last ultrasound or the surgical biopsy, and had asked them not to schedule anything again or contact me about it. (I actually had mum do it because I couldn't handle the anxiety that came with calling the hospital). Anyway, the letter said that there was a (presumably benign) lesion that had grown from 7mm in June 2020 to 12mm in December 2020, and they hoped I was following up with a different service due to the lesion, the intraductal papilloma, ADH, and my genetic risk factors.

Which I'm obviously not. I'm kind of wishing I hadn't read it. Ignorance is bliss. I am really tempted to just pretend I hadn't read it and ignore it all for a year or two. Having anything surgical or to do with hospitals is always a blow to my mental health, and I've only just settled in to a new job and exercise regime and life generally that I'm happy with.

I know anyone here can't really give me advice. I haven't got anyone to talk to, though, and I don't know what to do. Do I go back for more scans, tests, and biopsies, and reschedule the surgical biopsy?

The breast specialist has spoken to a whole team of doctors who all apparently agreed the surgical biopsy was necessary due to the risk factors. My thoughts are if it's not obviously cancer and they don't want the biopsy done immediately then it can wait. I hate general anaesthesia with a passion as it always makes me depressed for a long time afterwards, so if I can avoid any and all surgical procedures for a good few years that would be great.

I guess I'm thinking (right now) of ignoring it all for another year if I can, and was wondering if anyone wanted to put their 2 cents in.

MelissaDallas

I’m really sorry about your anxiety.I know it is miserable. It sounds like multiple doctors have agreed as to what you need to have done and I think any of us here would be remiss in encouraging you to “avoid” things for a couple of years. The problem with your thinking that “it is not obviously cancer” is that lots of times it isn’t obvious. That is why biopsies are necessary and why they are telling you to reschedule your cancelled appointments. I think help with coping with all this rests with your psychologist.

Lots of good advice about this same subject in your last thread.

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/62/topics/877419?page=1#post_5582931

Beesie

Oxbury has deleted all her posts, including those in her previous thread. It appears that she did not want to be advised to follow her doctors' recommendations for follow-up (whatever they were - I did not have a chance to see her post before it was deleted).

Anxiety is awful. But if Oxbury thinks it's bad when dealing with the diagnostic process, she should consider how bad it will be if she is diagnosed with breast cancer - and it isn't caught as early as it could have been because she avoided her follow-ups. Better to deal with the anxiety at this stage of the process, and hopefully find out that everything is okay, rather than allow things to progress, possibly ending up in a more dire situation.

LivinLife

I obviously was unable to read the post as well though think your words are wise Beesie!