It's scanxiety time again...

Kkubsky

It will be 5 years since I was diagnosed in January 2016. The first year was rough for me. Really rough. I already had some anxiety attacks in my life but after the dx of DCIS, anxiety went to a whole other level. I can't even describe the fear I felt. I developed some pretty odd anxiety related issues and fortunately was able to bring them all down a notch thanks to seeing a therapist. Up until 2020 things were starting to get back to pre DCIS life for me. It no longer was in the forefront of my mind and it didn't control my every decision in life. The anxiety was and is still alive and kicking, but I was moving in the right direction. Earlier in 2020 I was even beginning to feel like myself again. Then of course Covid made an appearance which certainly doesn't help with anxiety issues. But I had come a long way from January 2016. Now I have my 5 yr mammo/sono coming up in a little over a month and am having that "scanxiety" feeling again. Feels a bit more intense than the last 2 years though and I have started to "research" recurrence rates again. I had stopped doing that a while ago. Nothing much I can do at this point but drive myself crazy with "what ifs". I am even starting to second guess my treatment decisions. Some of my anxiousness is also due to having to go for mammo/sono during Covid. I have been trying to avoid doing unnecessary appointments, but of course I consider this very necessary. Hoping this feeling is just a bump in the road and that thinking about DCIS doesn't start overtaking my life again....sigh.

ctmbsikia

Kk, good for you moving on to 5 years!! I am so grateful for this place as I also share some sort of health anxiety and here you are with people that get it. No one in my life knows this about me, it's really not horrible, but I have it. I should look it up someday. I didn't realize it was a thing until recently. I thought maybe right before an appointment or test I was experiencing some sort of ptsd. I just have this unfortunate dream that a medical staff person will one day say, you don't need to come back. Another thought is that I really don't want to know. I am coping much better with the knowledge I've gain from here, my own research, and my different doctors, but I still hate it and rather not go.

I trust you will do fine and that this is just a bump in the road, you will be able to put it behind you next month. Best wishes.

LivinLife

Just want to send good fortune your way as your 5 year scan approaches! It is a lot you went through - including ALL the process right after being diagnosed leading up to your lumpectomy and rads! Many folks would not get that unless they've been through something comparable. I'm glad you, me and others have this site to "talk" about these kinds of things. I have other sites for other medical issues too - it's all soooo helpful!

AliceBastable

I have to get regular CT scans for a different past cancer, besides the mammograms every year. I don't get anxious about them, perhaps because I find that thinking of them as routine maintenance really helps.

Anonymous

kkubsky, sending you a cyber hug.

It ain't easy is it.

Sometimes I do an exercise when I'm getting too much in my head and showing myself anxiety videos over and over.

I take a deep breath, then picture myself zooming out from the knotted little ball of me I've become.

I zoom out to my close inner circle and focus on sending them love.

I zoom out again and send love to my outer circle loved ones.

I zoom out some more and take a bow of respect to all I've met in my past, my present, and then to my future and all the people I will meet.

Zoom out again and send love to your country, and then to the whole wide world.

Then zoom out like an astronaut and look at our lovely planet spinning down there.

And imagine how the universe is expanding endlessly out and out....and all the possible life forms in it.

Focus on love and the love you have in your heart for others.

Now look down at the arc of your life 'til now.

How rich and beautiful it is.

How this scan is such a tiny part of the overall tapestry of your beautiful life.

How the universe takes such good care of you.

Ww never know what is coming and all we have is right now. Are you grateful for your life and all in it right now?

Hold your gratitude. Find whatever it is that you lean on for comfort in your heart space.

Let go into that feeling of wellbeing and thankfullness.

Kkubsky

All good after mammo/ultrasound. Don't really know why it hit me so hard this year. But feeling much better now. It really is a journey.

zebra_co

Kkubsky, I am so happy to read that your mammo and ultrasound were good!
I also had DCIS in 2016. I had my annual mammo in January. Didn’t really have much anxiety about it except for the fact that it was during Covid. Like you, I have issues with anxiety. My mammo came back with new concerning calcifications in the right breast (same as before). They did a biopsy and the anxiety waiting for that procedure and those results was much worse. I managed it by giving myself a certain amount of time each day to obsess about it, research it, talk to someone, etc. then for the rest of the day told myself that I could not think about again until the next day. Of course I didn’t do that last part perfectly, but it made a real difference in how I was able to deal with the anxiety of the unknown. I told myself that regardless of the results I would be okay. The biopsy results were thankfully benign.
Again, so happy for you! For those of us anxiety types, Covid has amplified everything for us. For me, I have come to an acceptance that I will have anxiety sometimes. It helps me to realize that accepting something does not mean I have to like it. With that acceptance, I continue to work on ways to manage the anxiety. I hope you can try to do that too.Stay safe and stay well.