I'm baffled

indahood

I have gone through Stage 2 cancer and treatment and am well now. While going through this I became close to a colleague who also was diagnosed at the same time but she was stage iv. Now my friend has been given months to live. I am very close and visit talk everyday.

I have a question. While my friend is in this place, the people who are her close circle, the people who should be around her, her family, daughter, ex husband, brother, are being incredibly unkind. I don't understand. Her daughter is 18 and is unwilling to visit. Before cancer, they were extremely close. Her X husband is trying to settle property issues and is innondating her with legal papers and threats. Her brother is angry because he now has to look after the aging mother and her best friend, who wanted desperately to help her at first, seems angry that she is still sick and says she can't handle it. She's ditched.

It seems so unkind, has anyone else seen this happen? Im baffled.

WC3

indahood:

That's horrible her family has treated her so poorly. I'm glad she still has you.

illimae

Indahood, many of us stage IV folks have experienced this to some degree. Sometimes people just don’t know how to deal with their feelings and it’s comes out in bizarre behavior. Perhaps if I avoid it, it isn’t really happening and for the ex, while very rude and unhelpful, he may be in hurry to settle things before she passes. These reactions are often very hurtful and isolating but it’s pretty common, unfortunately.

It’s great of you to have enough concern to even ask this question, please continue being a source of support your friend needs.

Also, while I have know idea about her diagnosis or location or metastasis, doctors are often wrong, they just don’t know, no one does. She could live for years, those around here should be prepared for anything.

indahood

Thanks for the replies.

We sure are hoping the doctors are wrong. She has leptomeningeal carcinomatosis.

Again thanks.

illimae

Indahood, I’m sorry, Lepto is hard and does have a poor prognosis. I’ve had possible Lepto 3 times now but no evidence was found each time thankfully. I was told that the options are WBR (whole brain radiation) and chemo or targeted therapy through a port implanted in the head. I think the port is more commonly used in those who have less mets or are stable in the body but if body and brain are overwhelmed by cancer, it’s unlikely to provide much more survival time. I hope her family can process what they need to and just be there with her. She must be going through a million emotions right now that no one can really imagine. She needs peace and love, period.

indahood

Thanks Illimae, I know it's rough. Peace and love are all that's on the menu. Thanks for your words.

indahood