WHY PINKTOBER SUCKS

Whatjusthappened

Traveltext, that is a great article. It makes me very sad. I am still being educated.

Whatjusthappened

Traveltext, that is a great article, thanks for posting it. It makes me very sad. I am still being educated.

I think society is well "aware" of BC at this point. What would you all propose as an alternate way of showing support other than the pinkwashing?

For example, I am a HS teacher, and when I was out of school for my surgery, the students and staff presented me with a photo of all of them wearing their pink shirts in support of me. I was not offended, I was brought to tears. I was able to have dialogues with students when I returned and found that many of these students had loved ones with breast cancer, including some who had died of breast cancer.

Friends and family truly feel that they are being supportive by buying their pink merchandise and wearing it. I think most would be so sad to realize how hurtful it is to many men and women with BC, especially those with stage IV disease. As I am in a position to educate, I would like to know how to direct people to support those with advanced disease or male BC.

edj3

Whatjusthappened here's what I do (because I hate the pink washing in October or really at any time, but October is the worst).

I have two tee shirts I wear this month. One says Research not Ribbons and the other one says Pink is not a Cure. I've been asked about them and when that happens I share how little $$ from the pink washing makes to research or for the less common forms of breast cancer or for research into men's breast cancer.

I also don't wear pink in October at all. This is actually not fun for me, a good deep pink is one of my favorite colors but I won't in October.

And I've shared with people who post about the races or walks they've done in the name of breast cancer that they should investigate how much (or more likely how little) of that money makes it to actual research (or in the case of the poster upthread, to actual breast cancer patients). I'm an avid runner, this is pretty easy to do as we all blog and read each other's blogs.

Finally when I'm asked to donate in October, I smile and say I already donated part of a breast and I prefer to donate directly to research rather than a retailer's campaign.

Beesie

Whatjusthappened, since you teach HS, I think this is an excellent learning opportunity for the kids. The reason why so many of us hate the pinkwashing is because it's all show with very little action (and then there is the whole sexualization thing, but that's a separate issue). While moral support is wonderful and important on an individual basis - and that's what your students were doing by wearing pink shirts - from a broader perspective, the disease of breast cancer doesn't need awareness (we all know already!) or moral support. How does buying a pink t-shirt actually help breast cancer patients? What the disease of breast cancer needs is targeted research and what breast cancer patients need is financial or physical support. I think that can be explained to high school kids. So before they buy that next pink item, they should research the company that they are buying from - how much of the proceeds of sale are going to breast cancer charities? And they should research the charities - are they spending the majority of the funds they receive on research or patient support?

I am a market research geek - it's part of my professional background - and the internet is a fabulous resource. But I always find it surprising and frustrating how so many people don't know how to distinguish between good information sources and bad information sources, and don't know how to do basic research using the internet. This could be a great opportunity to hone that skill in your kids.

Spookiesmom

The first time around 8 years ago, I got hit with 2 unexpected big bills. I called American Cancer because I’d heard they might be able to help. Was too late in the year for them, they were out of $$. But they did send my request to a small local charity who paid the smaller bill in full. Wasn’t some big national company, just a small local group.

That’s the type who should be getting donations and dispersing it.

sbelizabeth

Spookiesmom, what a wonderful story. Financial help from a small, local charity, and what a difference it made for you.

Every October I write a check to a breast cancer fund that's managed by a hospital in Kenya, Africa. When local women have breast cancer their treatment options are limited, and they have to pay up front for it--an insurmountable burden for most. It blesses me enormously to help, even in a small way.

Betrayal

selizabeth: Could you share the infor on the Kenyan hospital you donate to? I would like to send a donation as well. Thanks.

sbelizabeth

Betrayal, how very kind. I'd love to share. I'll put the specifics in a PM.

Sustained Acts is a Christian international non-profit, set up to provide funds for people in need and bypassing the administrative costs of many charitable organizations. They deposit contributions directly into the breast cancer fund for Kijabe Hospital, which are then used to help local women with the costs of breast cancer treatment. A good friend was Kijabe's medical director/chief surgeon until recently, when they needed to return to the US--hopefully temporarily--for their son's medical care.

Here's the Sustained Acts website: https://www.sustainedacts.org/medical.

Betrayal

sbelizabeth: sorry for the misspelling in earlier message. I have been in Kenya, had students from Kenya and never met nicer people. One student's husband was a minister and she organized an annual school supplies drive collecting pencils, notebooks, etc which his church would ship back to needy school children. Visited a native village and they asked for donations for the children's education. The children all wore uniforms and were so pleased to practice their English skills on us.

So thanks for this. We do support a school in Tanzania with an annual contribution but I'd like to do something for women and healthcare as well.

Whatjusthappened

edj3, thank you for your suggestions. I am intrigued by your t-shirt idea since that would be a good segue to start a dialogue. Is there a good place to buy them that supports BC research? There is always a "pink" day in the high schools (I know, I know..) to raise money, and wearing something like that could be a good way to explain why not everyone is about the pink. Before my reconstruction, I had a shirt that said "nothing to see here" that I thought was funny, but it made others really uncomfortable. Like you all have said, people aren't really wanting to see the realities of this disease.

Beesie, I totally understand why so many on this site hate the whole "breast cancer awareness" thing. I'm well on my way there, but mostly because I'm growing weary of it all. I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone in my earlier post, that was never my intent. I should point out that, like Spookiesmom, the groups that gave me financial assistance were small local groups. It just seems wrong for me to take their money and then denounce the methods by which they raise that money. I honestly can't tell you what percentage went to actual BC patients, but I was happy to get it and it helped. I see this as much different than the corporations making a profit out of repackaging their products with pink labels, selling merchandise, etc. As far as my students, most of the kids who wore pink for me just threw on something pink they could find in their closet and didn't go out and buy anything. Those who owned awareness shirts had them because of their own loved ones. If it makes a teenager feel better to wear a shirt that says something like "I wear pink for my Grandma" it really doesn't bother me. Though I do understand why it bothers some.

I am a science teacher, and so my discussions about cancer with my students have been mostly about the science behind it. I like your ideas about teaching them what they can do to actually help, and how to make sure that their purchases are not lining someone's pockets. Since most of them have little money, maybe we could get them to provide services like yard work or grocery shopping to patients undergoing treatment. That idea actually excites me. I have also made a point of explaining to students that men can and do get breast cancer. Most students are surprised by this, meaning that "awareness" isn't really doing a proper job. I have sons who may or may not have inherited my nifty little mutation, so that is an issue that is concerning to me. I can't even imagine what it's like for men with BC to get through this month. Ugh.

Beesie

Whatjusthappened, just for the record, nothing that you've said in any way offends me.

I agree that small local charities that provide a direct benefit to local cancer patients are very deserving of donations, and I'm generally supportive of their fundraising efforts, unless they sexualize or trivialize breast cancer. Small local charities don't tend to have lots of staff and huge overheads, so I would expect in most cases that the vast majority of funds raised do go directly to helping out cancer patients.

I also have nothing against someone wearing pink to show support for a loved one or friend or teacher or colleague - as I said before, that type of individual support is important and meaningful. It's the whole 'let's all wear pinks t-shirts and tiaras and boas and eat pink cupcakes shaped like breasts' thing that I don't like. Too often, people think that by doing this, they are "supporting the cause" and yet they are in effect doing nothing to help individuals with breast cancer and often these events involve very little fundraising. It's the same as people posting meaningless memes on Facebook. No, sorry, posting a meme about how awful cancer is, and asking people to share it on their page, isn't actually doing anything to support people with cancer.

I think an important point of this discussion is that we shouldn't paint all October breast cancer fund raising with the same "pinkwashing" brush, because some charities, and their fundraising efforts, are excellent. Some of the bigger charities are excellent. And some of the bigger companies who put on the pink in October do donate huge sums to support leading edge research. But most Octobers, those good ones are crowded out by the big showy breast cancer awareness campaigns that are all fun and games but don't actually do much to support the cause or support individuals with breast cancer.

I have to say though that this year, with Covid, there is a whole lot less pink going on.

To my point about the cupcakes:

edj3

As is always the case, I agree with Beesie--you haven't offended me in the least on the pinkification of October! I'll confess I got my tee shirts on Amazon last year as I was in a hurry to have them. I know there are vendors on Etsy who do donate some of their profits to women's issues/rights so you might look there.

Traveltext

Written by a friend based on talking to men with breast cancer

The Genderless Breast

I think being a male and having breast cancer is quite an interesting journey to use an old cliché. I think there's a feeling that somewhere along the line that we're a bit of a forgotten species. That this thing called breast cancer is really a female disease and I think that somewhere along the way there's a feeling of once you have been diagnosed, and you go through the whole process like I did, you know mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, that there's a feeling of a loss of masculinity.

It took me three visits to my GP and I thought I know there's something wrong with me, but she kept saying no, there's nothing going on there, but the third time I was insistent on a scan and in this case an ultrasound because they're a bit easier for men.

So, most men find their cancer by feeling a lump or having a nipple discharge. Obviously once the discharge is there, it is a lot more serious than an inverted nipple so the three things are, inverted nipple, discharge, or a lump the size of a pea.

if it wasn't for my wife, I wouldn't have even self-diagnosed. As males don't have breasts and don't suffer from breast cancer is the normal thought process. It was only that my wife noticed an inverted nipple on my right hand side and suggested I go and talk to my GP

Breast cancer is not just about females. I think the challenge for us is to build an awareness program that not only includes the male, but certainly a much more inclusive perspective about who is affected, to try and get better outcomes for society in general.

There is a group of LGBTQI who are people who have got together to make their community aware and I would put them in the same category as men and women, in that they are spoken about as genderless people who get this disease that people get breast cancer and the sexual orientation, the gender, is not the biggest part of it.

Of the 150 men in Australia each year diagnosed, I might meet 1 or 2 or them, and I am on all the public blogs that deal with breast cancer. There is a move for some breast cancer charities to be inclusive of the men now, but those men are still being diagnosed, still being treated, but they are not coming out.

I feel they won't come out until they feel comfortable. Who would? It is a bit like gender inequality, and we need to feel like we are part of the cohort, we need to feel like we are going to be accepted as men with the disease, and not put in a corner, or whispered about. We need to belong to the breast cancer community.

Do you think that it might be connected to the colour pink?

Absolutely, I am sick of pink, I can tell you, and I know I speak to some others as well, that something they have a big problem with as well. I think that straight away pushes it out there in the community that the colour pink is associated with female, therefore it is all about females.

I don't feel part of it when we are an aside with token information buried down about six layers in a book about men getting breast cancer. That's not good enough for me. It's got to be we are part of the same health issue here. Let's get serious about it.

I have a BRCA I variation of unknown significance. I was tested for the BRCA genes because my mum died as a younger woman aged 41. I have a daughter and a son. Very quickly after I was diagnosed, my daughter was put into a program, a public health program that calls them back each year for an MRI, for a physical examination, and an ultrasound. Very good surveillance for her, and she is very happy with that. My son, after all his father had breast cancer, his grandmother had breast cancer, has no such program. He's on his own, he's basically, you know…he can check himself without a scan, but it seems like that's a discrimination that's really not fair.

At the moment the outcomes for males with breast cancer are not that great and I think that is partly because we don't self-diagnose, we are not aware of it, we leave it a lot longer, as you know males don't like to go to doctors at the best of times.

I think there's a lot of people like that, the males, that are living with a time bomb ticking potentially, as people sit there with that time bomb, the worse their outcomes are going to be. I think anything about trying to build an awareness program that says to these people, if you have some of the symptoms, you know, get on to it straight away.

ShetlandPony

Omg, Whatjusthappened, I would cry with happiness and gratitude if some high school students came over to help me with a few things. You just might be onto the next great grassroots effort. Imagine if cancer patients could request young local volunteers to lend a hand. As someone living with stage iv bc, fatigue is my constant companion, and sometimes I am down (In bed or on the couch) with fever or recovering from procedures, etc. I am never caught up on even the basics of clean kitchen and bathroom, laundry done, groceries obtained, a meal prepared. Forget about the rest of housekeeping. I am struggling. Nature is my source of peace and beauty, and I would love to have some help outside once in a while, to help make my garden dreams come true.

P.S. I would not even complain if they wanted to wear pink shirts.

Whatjusthappened

Beesie, well said! Those cupcakes though... I can't even fathom where those would be appropriate, except maybe a strip club. I've heard of women throwing parties with such novelties as a last hoo-rah before some BC surgeries, so whatever floats your boat, I guess. edj3, no worries, I'll look around and see what I can find.

JavaJana, thank you so much for the support. I have always tried to be open with my students to the degree that is professionally possible, and when they realize I'm willing to talk about BC, they have a lot of questions. Ironically, we had just finished a genetics unit and been studying protein synthesis and mutations when I was diagnosed. I now have a very relevant example to share, so I see no reason not to use it. Genetics is my favorite topic that we study, and I think that geeking out over all of it helped me to get through those first few months. Even though I was devastated, on another level I was fascinated (weird, I know). I find it interesting that despite all the sensationalism of breast cancer, most people (adults included) know very little about it unless they or someone they know has experienced it. That's human nature-we often don't care about things unless they affect us directly.

Traveltext, I'm so sorry that men with BC don't feel like they can speak out without jeopardizing their masculinity. How sad that is. How do you feel about the pink/blue ribbon that's out there to show that breast cancer isn't strictly a female disease? Or is that still too sexualized?

Whatjusthappened

ShetlandPony, didn't see your post. I am loving this idea the more I think about it. After all this Covid stuff dies down and we can actually do anything, I think I'll approach our local organizations and administration and try to figure out what I need to do to make this happen.

Traveltext

I like it that this year were all thinking of creative ways to make bc month into something more meaningful. There is an important fundraising aspect that needs to be preserved, albeit with funds better directed.

Here’s another article that I wrote recently about the inherent bias against men dealing with this disease I have to reiterate how much I’ve been supported on BCO over the years.

https://advancedbreastcancer.net/living/bias-men/

sbelizabeth

A wonderful journalist, and an old friend, asked if she could report on my whole breast cancer experience for her newspaper; one with a pretty large circulation. There were five or six articles documenting the whole fandango. For the DIEP reconstruction surgery she and her photographer were in the operating room, and although I have no idea how she got this past her editor, that article featured a full-color, half-page photo of my torso with a huge incision across my abdomen, and gaping surgical holes where my breasts had been.

And I was OK with it. I thought if anything could testify to the graphic realities of breast cancer, it would be this. Certainly not cute or sexy, although there was a whole lot of pink.

TT, years ago, my husband found a lump and had a mammogram. He was a trooper but I felt bad for him, sitting in the frilly pink waiting room, surrounded by girly stuff. I kinda wanted to go back and stock the room with copies of Popular Mechanics and Field and Stream.

moth

oh the nonsense continues. if you're on twitter today is #wearitpink or #wearitpinkday It's crazy making. One charity suggested we say Happy Wear It Pink Day instead of Good Morning. I mean WTF? Some breast cupcakes on the thread too because OMG BOOBS!!!!

I'm so done

Anonymous

those pink outhouses are really something else. But, I agree with Beesie, cancer is shit and belongs in a toilet, of any color.

I have an idea though - how about pink PAY toilets and all the money goes to research.

The slogan could be - “Let’s all dump on breast cancer.”

Would be better than some throw away tchotchke that contributes 1% of proceeds....and there is guaranteed to be a demand for toilets at any large “walk for the cure” event.

😁

I even thought of some naughtier slogans, but I don’t want to offend anyone. I apologize if I already have...sometimes I just need to laugh at absurdity and also give the middle finger to this shitty disease.

Trishyla

No offense taken Olma. I'm still chuckling about new slogan for the porta potty. The people on this site are my kind of whacked.

Trish

Beesie

Olma, that's a great idea!

Yeah, I've got a couple of naughtier slogans too, but everyone can use their imagination and have a few laughs!

LillyIsHere

Wow! Some amazing posts in here. Thank you for sharing. Before my diagnoses, I never donated to these organizations because I believed the more money they make, the longer they will drag their feet for the cure. Same as pharmaceutical companies don't wont to come up with new antibiotics because they don't make money if they cure the patient. https://www.businessinsider.com/major-pharmaceutic...