Hi, I’m Kim and New Here

ResiliencePersonified

Hi...I'm Kim. (I updated this a tad)

I'm 52 and I kept getting mammograms that resulted in needing an ultrasound due to dense right breast. So, I kinda got tired of having to repeat every six months with nothing wrong and didn't get one for a couple of years. So last Wednesday I finally broke down and got one because I'd promised my HRT Gyn. doctor I'd get one before our first yearly recheck. Well, that yearly checkup is just a couple of weeks away so...😆 I finally bit the bullet.

They called me when I got home and told me they needed to come in, yet again, for further testing. They needed me to come in for a TWO hour appointment?? That alone made me nervous. A different type of mammogram (no idea what it was called) and ultrasound. So two doctors came in after and asked me when my last mammogram was and I told them a couple of years ago. They asked if I'd sign a release so they could obtain the records from there. They just said there's just a little...pause...patch we need to look at in comparison to decide whether we need to do a biopsy. Sure. Okay.

My first mammogram from 2018 just noted right breast density.

Here are the findings from most recent 3D mammogram and ultrasound a couple of weeks ago or so.

FINDINGS: mammogram
With supplemental imaging, the possible focal asymmetry in the upper
outer quadrant of the RIGHT breast persists. It measures
approximately 11 mm. Additionally, amorphous calcifications are noted
in the upper outer quadrant of the RIGHT breast, not definitively
visualized on 2/12/2014.

ultrasounD

FINDINGS:
With supplemental imaging, the possible focal asymmetry in the upper
outer quadrant of the RIGHT breast persists. It measures
approximately 11 mm. Additionally, amorphous calcifications are noted
in the upper outer quadrant of the RIGHT breast, not definitively
visualized on 2/12/2014.

I have even been eating more than normal due to the pandemic crap and still losing, though I've been eating so much chocolate in the past few weeks the weight loss has stopped. Ha. If I lost anymore I'd start getting comments on whether I am sick or not. I have no idea why the text keeps changing in this novella...probably from cutting and pasting the findings. Anyway, I'm now just sitting here waiting, wondering, and beating myself up because if this is indeed the C word, it's because I've grown bitter and very lonely as well as being on disability for 30 years due to refractory major depression so it's basically karma in my

Thank you.

MountainMia

I read all of this. It sounds like you're having a hard time in general, and now faced with the extra concerns of testing. It's good that they did a repeat mammo, and that they asked for your prior records for comparison. While there is good reason for you to be concerned, I'd say (and I think very many people here would say) that once you find out something more clear, it actually gets a bit easier.

I hope you get some of that info very soon. In the meantime, do tap your therapist to let her/him know you're in the midst of this. Keep taking your meds. And best of luck.

MinusTwo

Kim: Sorry you're here, but welcome. It's very common to be called back for diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound. And it really does help to have your prior films to compare any changes. Hope your doc will be able to interpret all the results in a helpful fashion.

In the meantime, yes talk to your therapist and continue the meds and - you can always 'rant' here.

ResiliencePersonified

Hi Mountain Mia. Thank you for reading it all! That was a feat and beyond what anyone should be expected to read. When I type in the morning I have more stamina to just keep going cause my energy is almost always low but I do have some up until noonish. I just read your signature. I want to be more like that. I want to be stronger, I’ve always been weak. Ashamed to admit it but I fall and often don’t get back up. But if there is anything real going on, I can’t be weak...my doggo needs me. I’m actually having a little uh...tiff with my therapist and I’m pretty sure I’m just having a rough time with it suddenly being completely virtual. That, and she just completely didn’t email me from zoom the day of the first mammogram. I’m waiting to see what the doctor says to talk to her again. I didn’t even get a phone call from her telling me she couldn’t get to me that day. That did get me looking around for other support though. Thank you again for reading that ridiculous post (just looked back at it omg). I do hope they contact me again soon?! What the heck I’m wondering if they’re just forgetting about me like my therapist did! Lol

Have a great day.

ResiliencePersonified

Hello Minus 2. Yeah, I’m used to being called back in for an ultrasound after the mammogram, never had a second mammogram though. I just got tired of them doing it for literally years lol and it being nothing. So extra worry for nothing. And they have yet to contact me back this week and it’s been since Monday. I thought doctors can get this stuff virtually and be done within a day or two at the most. Thank you for the warm welcome and have a great day.

MountainMia

Kim, go ahead and call their office. You don't need to wait without prodding. Just explain you've been waiting, you'd like someone to call you back before noon tomorrow, or whatever is a good timeline for you. However, if they are waiting to compare with your prior films, it's possible they don't access to them yet. Either way, you deserve to know. So give them a poke!

ResiliencePersonified

No guts to. 😆

I’ll have to be patient cause I’m just too scared to bother people, especially doctors. Ha.

Thank you for the prod though.

MinusTwo

Pretty - oh no - not - YOU deserve to be heard. You are a valuable person and your time is every bit as important as theirs. Bother away. Pull up your big girl panties and make that call. If necessary, you can remember that we are holding your hand and cheering for you. Go for it girl!!!

ResiliencePersonified

I put in a call to my regular internist yesterday. Hopefully she can get ahold of those doctors. Thank you both for the shove.

MinusTwo

Good girl. Please do check back & let us hear about progress.

ResiliencePersonified

She wrote back saying they were still awaiting the older records and she asked if I’d like her to tell them I’d rather have the biopsy done instead of waiting longer. I said of course. The focal asymmetry and calcifications and my weight loss and this “patch” they called it...I was 205 about nine months ago. Decided to hell with this (had bypass 11 years ago refuse to go over 200) and changed my way of eating and got down to 195 right as pandemic was announced. Started comfort eating but trying hard to stick with my very healthy sprouts, lentils, small amounts of rice or naan and woke up today at my new low of 170.7 pounds. This is with very little exercise also because I’ve been so fatigued I’m down to one lap with walking with my Abby instead of the four I used to. The fatigue could just be the powerful anxiety med my psychiatrist changed me to.

Thing is, I don’t feel this whatever they’re seeing anywhere. I have been checking throughout the day, going in front of the mirror, I see/feel nothing strange. But I do have one spot on one rib on my right side that feels like a bump and brought that up with my doc in that same message I sent her. She didn’t even say a word about it. I asked her if she read my entire message and she said we’ll just focus on getting the biopsy for now. Kind of annoyed me. But it’s been tender for awhile so I guess a few more weeks won’t hurt to push her to at least bring me in to feel it. Jeez. I’m scared she’s going to just think I’m neurotic since I’m depressed now...Ok. Talking too much again, sorry

Thank you for being here and caring.

MinusTwo

Kim - Good for you for asking. Testing is in the works now. But for heaven's sake, don't stand in front of the mirror. Don't look. Don't feel. Leave it alone and try to concentrate on something else.

ResiliencePersonified

I’m just confused. Lol you would think I’d feel something.

Thanks again. You’re such a sweetheart.

buttonsmachine

Kim, this is in reply to your other thread, but I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping and the medicines you're taking are not enough. It sounds like you might be having extreme anxiety. I have had that before, and it is really hard. I think you should discuss this with whoever is prescribing your medicines, so they can make adjustments. But also, when will you get answers regarding your possible breast cancer diagnosis? I hope you feel better soon.

ResiliencePersonified

Hi Buttons. My psychiatrist did call this morning after that post AP ten. I had to beg hard for an increase in my benzos but she finally relented. The problem is, even with the extra five mg, I’m having a hard time breathing, even while focusing on controlling it. But mentally I’m not as worried, just breathing rapidly and hyperventilating.

I had my rib X-ray done and I guess it is fine since a radiologist didn’t come in right after. It bothers me still though...the lump is very tender and is wracking my nerves.

I’m totally unmotivated to get the millions of things needing to get done cause of the increase so it’s a double edged sword.

My internist told me to message her first thing in the morning if I don’t hear anything back from the breast center.

Just a week ago I canned for the first time ever, this week I just feel like all I can do is try to catch my breath.

Thank you for your kindness and support.

Have a good day.

BlueGirlRedState

Pretty - you are understandibly scared, wating, tests etc suck. It sounds like you have good DRs, checking past records for comparison. I hope everything comes back negative. I have found acupuncture helpful for stress/anxiety. It usually is not a one session fixes everything, but repeating, finding the right acupuncturist. Some areas might have "community" acupuncture (might be called by a variety of names). Basically several people in the same room, maybe separated by curtains. But at a reduced price, maybe even scaled price, so more affordable.

ResiliencePersonified

so I don’t get a call from anyone telling me what they saw when comparing the previous and these ones.

Instead, I get a call from the breast center saying they want to make an appointment to see one of their doctors there, BUT they have no openings until late SEPTEMBER??!

Either tell me I’m ok or not! They bring up biopsy then tell me they want to see me in close to two months!?!

My therapist gave me the name o her breast doctor from when she had a scare. I’ll hopefully be able to get in to her much sooner.

I’m in absolute shock that they handled it this poorly. It’s Vanderbilt Uni. Hospital no less! A teaching hospital who usually is stellar in nearly every respect.

Oh well. That’s that for now.

ResiliencePersonified

Sorry didn’t reply sooner. I have tried acupuncture in the past and had no results. Aside from that, I couldn’t even afford a sliding scale fee. Thank you for mentioning it though.

Beesie

Get a copy of the reports from the diagnostic mammogram and the ultrasound. If you are being referred to a doctor, those reports must be available now, and you have a right to have them. These reports should explain why you are being referred.

ResiliencePersonified

I have no idea how to get them

MelissaDallas

You get them just like any other medical records. Go by the facility that did the tests, fill out a request form for medical records. You will probably pay a fee. Lots of times you have a choice of paper or a digital copy. I like getting the disk with all the imaging as well. That way if you need to go to another place in the future you have a copy and don’t have to wait for new place to request from old place for comparison puposes

AliceBastable

Do you have an online patient portal? All your test results should be posted there.

wrenn

My nurse practitioner and any doctor I have been to have given me copies of reports if I ask for them. (Canada).

Salamandra

Hey PrettyStinkinScared,

Figuring out logistics like how to get medical records is a great task to farm out to a friend who wants to support you but doesn't know how. If it's someone close, I would even give them my log in. At some point, you'd likely have to be involved to sign something or give verbal approval, but they can at least do the leg work of figuring out whom to ask for what and how.

I'd also say that there is a huge mental component to this process. For me it was probably even more mental than physical (and the nature of my side effects didn't help with that). I felt very lucky to get great psychiatric support from a practitioner based at my cancer center, who really knows his stuff when it comes to cancer patients. If your psychiatrist isn't too familiar with cancer, it might be worth checking whether your cancer center has resources they can connect you with. They may also have a social worker you can just speak with, or who could also help you figure out how to get records. Social workers with cancer expertise are amazing for providing both emotional and logistical support. If your cancer center doesn't have one, you should think about contacting an organization like Sharsheret. They connected me to a genetic counselor to talk about my genetic test results with me. They also have social workers and can connect you to peers. They're a Jewish organization but they serve everybody. It was a relief to feel like I had resources available you know, even if I didn't end up using some of them much.

Finally, see if you can shift your thinking to separate out a little the cancer problem - which your medical team is working on and there's limited power you have over - and the anxiety problem - which you have somewhat more power over and is really what is destroying your quality of life now. Benzos can be great but there are other supportive options too, both pharmaceutical and not. Give yourself permission to treat your mental/emotional state with as much priority as you're treating the cancer - spend time/money on it, get support from professionals and friends, etc.

A book I found really useful when I was dealing with the serious chronic, terminal, debilitating illness of my parent (not mine, but I think on some level that work helped me when it came to me also) is "Loving What Is". It seems to be kind of a love/hate kind of thing, and usually I'm super picky about self-help type stuff, but it suited me and might be worth checking out in case it suits you too. At core I'd say it's a set of thought exercises to help my brain get out of stressful and unproductive rumination on terrible realities out of my control.

ResiliencePersonified

Yes I do. But copies of films no. And they have yet to write a report on the findings when comparing past and present films. Decided not to go to the other place cause I looked her up and she’s nothing but a general surgeon. And has a few less than stellar reviews.

ResiliencePersonified

I would need copies of the films. I have decided to give up at this point anyway. Thanks

ResiliencePersonified

They aren’t even trying though. They could have at least sent in a report with findings between the past and present findings or even called me with WHY I need to see a doctor if I have to wait a month just to see him at all. I suffer from depression most of the time due to, past stuff and current abusive mother who I just blocked again after she told me she hopes I burn in hell for telling her my feelings about the way she’s been treating me. LOL. She’s just great. I don’t have one friend because I never leave my apartment unless it’s to get groceries or walk/potty my dog.

So, as of a few minutes ago, since it seems of very little importance, I’m giving up on the whole thing. Just going to try my hardest to get over the garbage my so called mother dished out yet again.

Peaches are on sale. Maybe I’ll pick up some to finally try the new canner that I haven’t had the courage to try for the past 1.5 months. Haha.

Thank you for your kind words and helpful ideas, even if I’m unable to do them for different reasons.

No idea where to go. I KNOW it was most likely not a surgeon I was supposed to see next.

But ya. For now, giving up.

I’m so sorry to have been such a waste of all of your time and effort, but I’m eternally grateful.

MelissaDallas

You know, I'm really sorry you are scared and unhappy, but totally turned off by your passive aggressive BS. We can't help you with that. We can take all our marbles and go home too. You are being totally isrespectful of all of us who are trying to help you.

ResiliencePersonified

Well, I was considering just not coming back because I feared this type of reply. I’m extremely depressed and to be honest a tad suicidal at this moment. I did apologize. This wasn’t passive aggressive. This is where I’m at in my head. You may or may not have been in my spot mentally in your life, so it is safe to say you’re misunderstanding what I was aiming for. Passive aggressive behavior was not it.

I’ll say it again. Sorry.

wrenn

Breast surgery is done by general surgeons. Some focus on breasts.

You might be better served to visit a forum that deals with mental health, anxiety or anger issues. A breast cancer forum doesn't seem to be helping you and as said above is disrespectful to those of us who have cancer and are giving time and energy to you.

ETA talk of suicide on a forum where many are dying is insensitive at best.

MelissaDallas

Prettystinkincscared, my grandad was a psychiatrist and I have suffered from major depression myself for extended periods. Don’t try to bullshit me.