Struggling

cm2020

I had the MRI yesterday. It was hard but I got it done (under sedation...but i really needed a lot more and barely made it through). Supposed to have seed implant Friday and lumpectomy Monday. They just called from the radiology place to say there is another area (same breast) that needs to be biopsied. This area was mentioned by my surgeon and is believed to be a cyst or milk duct. If they can't get the biopsy done under ultrasound I have to have it done under MRI. I was already having a hard day. I am scared of this cancer, the surgery, the radiation.........then the virus is starting to blow up in my area. My husband has essential jobs so he is still working, which I am grateful for because we desperately need every penny, but i worry. Yesterday the financial "counselor" from the surgeon's office called and demanded a deposit for surgery. When I questioned her (i didn't know about this), she treated me horribly and kept telling me to stop "wigging out". I wasn't, I was crying softly because I am so overwhelmed and upset over everything. Then she tried to tell me she was doing me a favor and could demand as much as she wanted and the dr's would back her up. She also told me if I didn't pay my surgery would be canceled. Last night at the MRI the waiting room had the news on. That did nothing but ramp up my already high anxiety

Everything is just too much. I can't stop crying. My daughter is homeschooled and 15 so she hears everything. I took an ativan this morning to manage my anxiety knowing my surgeon was going to be calling with the MRI results. Now this. I feel like I get a tentative grip on things and then something comes up and I lose it.

Nothing feels like it will ever be okay again.....with anything.

Thank you for letting me cry to you.

Edit: Okay the place that showed up on MRI is not the cyst/milk duct spot. It is a very suspicious looking mass. It was biopsied today but due to the location and size, the radiologist isn't 100% positive they got the right place. She said if it came back negative it would need to be repeated under MRI. So it looks like I have 2 masses. I don't know what happens now. My surgeon is staying on top of it and will be looking for the results tomorrow (though she is in surgery all day).

pupmom

I'm so sorry you're going through all this, at such a difficult time in general. Can't imagine how hard it would be to face cancer treatment on top of this pandemic. That hospital clerk should be fired for how she treated you! If you feel safe doing it, I would complain to your surgeon. Keep reaching out to BCO. We're here for you!

prepmom

I read your post and can just feel your anxiety. A cancer diagnosis is overwhelming, especially at this time with the virus. Right now, the period of testing and uncertainty, can be particularly hard. You may feel a bit clearer once you have an understanding of everything and a solid plan in place. Try to take one day, one test, at a time and just breathe. I think the fact that you are crying and acknowledging how you're feeling is a very positive thing. Keep reaching out. When I was first diagnosed, my response to everything was 'I'm fine. I'm lucky they caught it early'. And I am so grateful that they did, however, I totally diminished that it was still a very big deal. Doing that lead to a total breakdown once I was through everything. Emotionally, I am still recovering.

I agree with pupmom above, if you feel strong enough, I would say something to your surgeon. No one deserves to be spoken to that way.

You will be ok, but it's ok that it's not today. Give yourself time to process everything. One Day at a Time. One Step at a Time.

We're here for you.

ctmbsikia

Are you in the USA? I have NEVER heard of a surgeon/hospital demanding a deposit before surgery. Yes, the finance folks may call or send a letter stating your out of pocket/deductibles amounts under your policy.

I DO NOT let my financial situation dictate my medical care. It is wrong especially since cancer is not even remotely elective!!!!

God, that part of your post just pisses me off. I am sorry you are going through this. As others have said, you are at a hard spot now, I promise you we are here for you, and that things will get better. Deep breath. Sigh. Rinse and repeat. Take care.

Anonymous

I echo the post just above, and if you are in the US (or even not), please call your surgeon's office as well as your oncologist's office and report this asap. Ask to speak to the doctor yourself. You are right to be worried during this time. I took Xanax for the first weeks to get me through, and had it on hand for breakthrough anxiety through my whole treatment time. It's okay to take it. Stress robs our immune system of strength, and if Ativan keeps your stress level down, use it right now.

Claire in AZ

JRNJ

So sorry. I've experienced a lot of rude medical professionals. It really upset me a lot. It is still a business to them and we don't get treated like customers, it is like we should be grateful they spend their time on us. Eventually you will be stronger and realize there are other doctors out there to choose from. Switch if you need to. The situation sounds messed up. I am concerned they planned surgery before you had the mri. You need all the results first. My plan switched from lumpectomy to mastectomy due to mri, and this is quite common. And I opted for bmx because I don't trust the scans. I can't identify on the deposit issue, as I have good insurance. I hope others can tell you if this is normal.

Sunshine99

CM, I am SO sorry this happened to you! If you don’t feel capable of “reporting” this person,maybe your husband could make that call for you. That is outrageous and totally unacceptable behavior from a “professional”! Who knows how many other vulnerable people she’s done this to? I agree she needs to lose her job.

Know that you are cared for here. Gentle hugs to you, my dear!

santabarbarian

(You can also report it after the surgery, if that feels less stressful.)

cm2020

Thank you all for the advice and kind words. I am beyond being able to think or comprehend anything right now. I am scared to death and just devastated that another mass was found and fear what it might be.

At some point I will (or my husband will) launch a complaint about the person that called yesterday and was so ugly to me.

AliceBastable

Because I have co-pays for just about everything until I hit my out-of-pocket max, I got calls all the time from financial offices affiliated with testing facilities, hospitals, you name it. They all gave me the amount I'd have to pay, but also a discounted amount if I paid before the test, procedure, or surgery. Even with the discount, some amounts came with serious sticker shock. I don't remember the tone of voice of any of these people, but think they were mostly rather businesslike and not particularly warm and fuzzy. But most of them emphasized paying up front, which was not a threat but so I would get the discount. It was confusing until I got used to the system.

toria1212

Oh sweetie,

I am sorry that there is MORE stress to all of this for you. I have a very high deductible(7K) and I have low end insurance with a healthy premium(close to 500/month) as I am a single mom who works two part-time jobs. I pay close to 15K a year for out of pocket expenses, which is ironic because I only go to Dr when absolutely necessary. Health care is exorbitant but do not let the worry deter you from the treatment you need/deserve. I am not going to worry about that aspect of it-I just can't. With four kids at home, and surviving all of this virus B.S. and uncertainty and fear, it's for me simply the one thing I am not going to stress over. I want quality care and will pay forever if necessary. There's really nothing else I can do....

Please update when you receive info regarding MRI findings. You were so brave to go through with it! I don't know that I could...

xx

cm2020

toria1212...I don't know how you do it. I hate how we have to worry about health insurance and medical bills in this country. It simply isn't right. I admire your ability to just not worry about them right now. I am trying hard not to, but it is hard. The first wave of them should start arriving any day now. How old are your kids? Did you have an MRI?

toria1212

I did not have to have an MRI(PRAISE GOD!) and my kids are 31(therapist daughter with a 4 yr old daughter), 29 (year old son, accountant just laid off with Type 1 Diabetes and really struggling with lifestuff right now), 24 year old son(with significant major depressive disorder, anxiety-therefore on disability. Great kid, no drugs, or addictions, but some major challenges with his own meds etc) 16 year old son(sweetie pie, much taller than me now, missing his girlfriend and baseball) and 8th grade daughter(gifted, but can be temperamental, loves/hates me lol, she's a force to be reckoned with-holds her own with all of these brothers!) Thank you for asking...:)

You really can only worry about so much, so the money? Ha! My very wealthy ex husband financially decimated me during our divorce, several years ago. Funny I had COBRA the first three years post-D, and literally never had to go to the doc....Since then? bahaha....it is what it is.

Breathe, beautiful, and take each day as it comes. PS I am having a very bad day today-this covid stuff is outta control and I just wanna be on a deserted island!

xx

cm2020

toria1212.....My son is 31! My daughter is 15. How interesting that we both have such a wide age range of kids. I'm sorry you have been through so much with the divorce. Your ex sounds horrible.

Covid is out of control.....I will join you on a deserted island...my island can be a safe distance from yours though.

Lucky you not having to have an MRI! My oncologist said that there is some controversy about doing them but she (and my surgeon) are strongly in favor of them to be sure that there aren't masses they didn't see on the mammogram or ultrasound. I guess it worked in my favor since the second mass was indeed only viewable on MRI.

My husband isn't worried about how we will pay for all this. I am sick over it. He says we will figure it out later. I hope the bills don't start showing up just yet, but since several have already been processed through the insurance, it is only a matter of time.

Yogatyme

cm, I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Having all the fear about bc exacerbated by this terrible virus is bad enough. Then this financial “counselor” (don’t you just love the fancy names these people have) talks to you like that is completely inexcusable. I would discuss this w the surgeon, but honestly, they have heard this before. You aren’t her first victim. I would encourage you to tell her she does not get to talk to you like that. It’s amazing how those simple words will either shut someone up or change their attitude. These situations make the case for a national health plan. With all the lay offs and people losing employer provided health insurance, people will soon begin to see the benefit of this. The only people w good health insurance are those w employer provided. I was self employed for 40 yrs and paid for health insurance out of pocket. It was outrageously expensive and I couldn’t wait to turn 65 for Medicare eligibility. Medicare is the best insurance I have ever had. All of my treatment from genetic testing through BMX has cost me $187 out of pocket. As someone else said, now is the time to express all that you’re feeling. I really thought I was “fine” but all the fear associated with this virus and the stupidity of so many not taking it seriously, has unleashed an avalanche of emotions for me.....including the trauma of bc and bmx. Please know that the members on this forum are here for support. Keep us in the loop. ❤️

cm2020

Yogatyme....Thank you so much. You are so right, about everything. How fortunate you were to be able to get medicare and have such great coverage. I seem to be able to express my feelings in spurts and then it all gets pushed down until the next spurt comes. I have chronic hives but have been in "remission" for months now. However, I woke up this morning covered with them. I am so uncomfortable and miserable. I can only imagine the looks I am going to get Monday morning when I show up for surgery. It is in my chart that I have them and my immunologist is with the same medical center. I am hoping it won't affect surgery. I have the radioactive seeds in me and they must come out so I am trying not to get anxious that won't operate and just trust that somehow it will work out okay and surgery will go ahead as scheduled. But recovery with hives is going to just be awful in every way. Stupid hives! Stupid cancer! Thank you for the support and advice. I so appreciate it.

Yogatyme

cm, can you get a break??? Really, now hives on top of everything else, but actually not a surprise. With all the stress your body is probably on overload. I hope this doesn’t interfere with surgery and you can get on track. Take good care, know we are thinking about you and let us know how it’s going.

cm2020

Yogatyme.... I would love to get a break! I feel bad complaining because so many have it much worse and I know I am fortunate with how everything has worked out so far. But the hives might be the thing that pushes me over the edge. They are HUGE, numerous, itchy, and just make me feel overall really crappy. No, it isn't a surprise they came back, but they sure caught me off guard. I am sure having the clips and radioactive seeds in me is thoroughly pissing off my already revved up immune system. Add enormous stress on top of it, and well.....you have the walking hive that I am now. I just pray surgery happens as scheduled and they give me steroids for the hives (not recommended by my immunologist, but under the circumstances I hope they will). I welcome all good thoughts and prayers.

Yogatyme

Your reaction to all that is going on is as important as anything someone else is experiencing. Do all you can to express how you’re feeling and get it out. Sending hugs!

AnnC2019

Nothing like threatening a cancer patient to create financial stress. What an idiot. Can you go somewhere else?

cm2020

I really like my surgeon a whole lot. my hope is that once the surgery is over I am going to say something to her about how I was treated. I may also file a complaint with patient relations. But right now I just need to get through surgery. Being covered in hives is making all of this just so much worse. I have to pick my battles, you know?

7of9

cm2020...I had an a hole young doc give me crap through my MRI. Totally traumatic. Took attivan and requested...no demanded she not be the one to do 2nd time. You can report to ombudsman for hospital about this horrible nurse. You'll be doing someone down the line a favor. Ive had a terrific nurse oncologist who has talked me off the ledge several times. In fact had several overly sympathy kind ones. They seem to go above and beyond but if you are a nurse working with cancer patients...I think you should be extra compassionate or go work with farm animals or mens erectile disfunction. Lol

Beesie

healthnut, cm2020 has breast cancer and is posting here about another suspicious mass. How would rubbing essential oils into her skin for 2 weeks help with that?

I noticed that you just joined the board and while you have offered advice to several people, you have no posts talking about your own situation. Do you have breast cancer? Are you concerned about something with your breasts? Or are you just bored and decided to join the site to post about essential oils? No offense meant if you have a legitimate reason to be here.

cm2020

Beesie Thank you! I was a bit confused about that advice as well.

MinusTwo

I agree with Beesie - Healthnut - if you have or had breast cancer, please go to My Profile and post your diagnosis & treatment so far. That will help the rest of us know what direction you're coming from.

Beesie

It looks like all of Healthnut's posts and her account been deleted. I guess she didn't have any breast issues.

toria1212

How are you, cm2020?

Have your hives settled down at all? I hope so! What a terrible addition to the other stresses of BC. We had SNOW for two days in Michigan-NUTS! And today is sunny and 50-so that means the tennis courts and happiness

I get so scared-the waiting. It's scary. What's happening inside my little booby? I pray and pray for wellness, for all of us. Having my children 24/7-such a huge and probably welcome distraction from BC. The covid stuff is still so alarming. Michigan has had a rough time of it, and I pray my hospital is ready when I am scheduled for my lumpectomy. Who knows?

I hope you do something for YOU today-I still have not told my 83 year old mother as she is a chronic worrier and will harass me to death over this. She lives 350 miles away, though, so she can't show up at my doorstep .

Enjoy your day with your family and big (((hugs))) from me

xx

cm2020

toria1212. Thank you for checking in. I am doing better today. Once I opened up about my surgery and got such wonderful advice (including yours...thank you) and the stories and support, I was able to let it go for the most part. I feel more at peace and ready to move on. My hives aren't better. Some days they are little better than others. Today has been a bad day (my face is covered with them and swollen).

I do pray your surgery happens without any delays. Is it in May? I'm glad you have been able to get out for tennis today. What wild weather you guys are having! The Covid mess is scary. Cases are climbing here with no sign of slowing down. It is frightening.

I am thinking about you and sending you a lot of hug and love.

cm2020

Beesie. Thanks for letting me know she is gone. Ugh....why come here unless you have BC or concerns about having it.

MinusTwo

Yup- I sent a PM to the Mods. They're pretty good about deleting 'phantom' posters.

msphil

you are in my prayers sweetie hang in there been there most of us here you can get thru this.msphil idc stage2 0/3 nodes 3mo chemo before after Lmast got married was planning at diagnosis then 7wks rads and 5yrs on Tamoxifen