Work colleague tells client about my cancer against my wishes

mitziandbubba

Snazzy, I hope your arm feels better soon and they get to the bottom of the issue! I love that you have a horse. You will be super strong again too!

I agree, we are just regular human beings who happen to have been affected by a disease. When I was originally diagnosed, I spent a few weeks saying "Why Me?" and one day I said "Well, why not me? I'm just human."

MinusTwo

Speaking of "not" survivors - I love it Mitzi, just a chick. And Rita - just a fellow human being trying to do my best. Alice - like your analogy. Maybe I could say I survived quitting smoking? (But it's only been 12 years so I'm not sure it 'took' yet.) Thoughtful post Bessie. Just moving forward one day at a time.

Off topic, but one thing that does piss me off... I would have liked the chance to know which of my aging aches & pains are a result of just that - aging - and which I never would have experienced except for cancer treatments. Oh well - sigh - such a minor issue.

Mitzi - so glad you don't have to work directly with this toxic person. But sorry for the loss of the friendship. It's such a shock when people we count as friends betray us. At age 17 my BFF really did a number on me and said she did nothing wrong. While we were polite in public, it ended the friendship. At age 50, she somehow found my address and sent me a 'regret what I did, so sorry' note. There was no tearful reunion across the country - too much water under the bridge - but I couldn't say 'it doesn't matter' either, since it changed the course of our lives. The best I could do was to say thanks for apologizing - and we never wrote again.

mitziandbubba

All interesting points everyone! Minus, I can so relate to this situation. I recently had an old friend who was very hurtful to me when we were just out of college contact me and apologize profusely. It turns out that she suffers severe mental illness which was not controlled then but is now. I totally forgive and understand but I'm not running to make her my bestie. She's even already invited me to go on a weekend trip with her - which I didn't want to. We can be acquaintances and see each other (we have mutual buddies who kind of also just tolerate her) but I think that's where I'll leave it. Not b/c I don't forgive her - more because we don't have anything in common and I just don't think she's my type.

As long as we are talking friendship - one thing I discovered during the whole cancer debacle is that I have some very very good friends who I tend to push away. There was one in particular who was really supportive of me during treatment - who when treatment finished told me she was very very afraid of anything to do with cancer b/c her mom had breast cancer. She said she could barely handle picking up the phone to call me but because she felt that I needed her, she just made herself put her issues and fear aside to put me first. She actually thanked me for helping her get past her fear - which I wasn't even aware I was doing.

I am going to be making a conscious effort to spend time with the good ones like her.

AliceBastable

There was a girl in high school who picked on me enough that it would probably be called bullying now. She even went through my yearbook and plastered insults in red ink all through it. Fast forward 25 years to the first reunion I went back to, and someone asked for a yearbook. I'd brought mine, and it got passed around to EVERYONE. By the time it got back to me, that verbal bully's face was as red as the ink she'd used. But she came up to me and apologized very nicely for the person she'd been years ago. I decided to be nice, because I knew I was a lot different at 43 than I'd been at 18. We've gotten along great on the rare occasions I've seen her since then, and she's the only person from my home town who sent me a card when my mother died. So people can change if the bad behavior happened when they were young. But if it's adult behavior, it's much harder to forgive.

mitziandbubba

Alice I agree, as kids, some of us (myself included) could be jerks. Adults should know better. One thing that cancer has taught me is that many of them don't - or perhaps I just notice nastiness more than I did before. Not notice - it bothers me more because I feel like life is guaranteed for none of us and there is not time for mean people.

Sunshine99

Wow, Mitzi! What a..._________ (fill in the blank). Interesting comment from some others that it's about the attention on her. The fact that she would totally disrespect your wishes is unthinkable - and I'm glad your narcissistic client is no longer your client.

It's not the same thing, but I showed a couple of women at my church the Knitter Knockers I was making. One woman went home and told her boyfriend (who can drive me nuts) and I got a text message asking if I made prostheses for men with testicular cancer. I was floored and I didn't respond to the text, but when I saw her the next week, she said she was sorry if she offended me. I told her I was offended and that I didn't want her boyfriend to know ANYTHING about what I was doing. He took something sweet and made a mockery of it. I won't be sharing anything with her for a long time. Live and learn, I guess.

I'm seeing my doctor next week about a new lump I found, and dread having these people find out if my cancer is back.

Wishing you the very best!

AliceBastable

Sunshine99

Oh, how tempting to leave a knitting needle where that jerk would feel it!

Positive thoughts for your doctor's appointment.

mitziandbubba

Sunshine, that is shockingly horrible! How sad that he took such a wonderful thing (I know someone who has a knitted knocker, she says it is fabulous and comfy) and made such a comment!

Today I had a call with another woman I work with who was a great support to me during treatment. She's more of just a work friend, but she really had my back. I ended up telling her about this other woman sharing my diagnosis the way she did and my other friend was very angry.

I realized that work was the one place I had where I felt that I didn't have cancer and by sharing my news, I felt like that somehow went away. While I was working, I didn't think about cancer.

I wish I could say this was true for the rest of my life. I went to an event in my very small town and everyone was looking at me with big sad eyes and asking "How are you? Are you all better?" and it was annoying - I know they are just being nice but still - I'd like everyone to just STOP. Someone even asked me if I was "all better" from a flu I had in NOVEMBER. She assumed that b/c she hadn't seen me that it was something to do with cancer and that I'd be sick since NOVEMBER!! Nope, just traveling a lot and also cold out!

mitziandbubba

Yes Sunshine, wishing you positive vibes for your appointment!

Alice, I know exactly where I'd like to stick that needle!

Sunshine99

Alice and Mitzi, thank you for your comments - except Alice's comment almost made me spit out the coffee I'm drinking. Yeah, I'd be happy to "share" a knitting needle with this guy .

This same person once harassed my dog until he (the dog) bit him. He had the nerve to ask if my dog had had all of his shots. I told him "Yes". Then another friend came in and told me what happened. My dog would growl at people if they annoyed/teased/harassed him, but this guy just wouldn't stop - hence he was bitten. No broken skin or anything, but my response was, "Really, Dan? Why were you bugging him when he was telling you to stop?" Sheesh - don't get me started on this guy.

Betrayal

Sunshine99:

I would have asked Dan if he were up to date on his shots because I would have been more concerned about my dog than him. He seems to lack a filter so losing a nut to a knitting needle, in my estimation, would not result in a serious loss. He needs a muzzle.

AliceBastable

Oh dear. I tend to think in cartoons, and I'm picturing a nut puncture with a cartoon balloon going PSSSSSSSSSSssssss while the know-it-all smug guy deflates.

Betrayal

Great visual, Alice. LOL.

MinusTwo

oh - I love the leaking 'hot air'

Sunshine99

Thank you for today's giggles. I did set my coffee down before I read them, so there was no danger of spewing coffee all over my computer screen!