Sexual abuse and cancer

mitziandbubba

Right now, if I never had sex again, that would be just fine. I do have the desire for sex but I feel scared of it. I am a sexual abuse survivor and cancer treatment really brought back all of the memories and feelings from my childhood. I know my husband would never hurt me, but when he gets sexual with me I feel like I am a teenager being molested again. I did not like how it felt to be in all those machines and told not to move etc. I know that I was not being abused, the doctors and nurses were helping me, but it brought me back there.

I'm in counseling and I know it will take time but I dealt with the sexual abuse and I am upset and angry that cancer has caused such a setback in my healing. My husband is understanding but he's also very physical with me always and I know he's wanting me to feel comfortable. I guess I am lucky he is still so attracted to me. He seemed to get more interested in me sexually during and after treatment actually for some reason.

Does anyone feel like this?

Yogatyme

Sexual abuse and breast cancer both create PTSD. So, it is not uncommon for bc to bring up all the issues from sexual abuse. It's so good you are in counseling and you are absolutely right that it will take time. Give yourself that time and keep your husband in the loop. He clearly loves you.

mitziandbubba

Thank you Yogatyme!! After I posted this guess what I decided to try to be intimate with my husband and it went better than I expected! I think the difference was that I tried initiating it. Maybe that is how it needs to work for now.

Yogatyme

Mitzi, good for you!! Yes, being the initiator can be particularly helpful in getting over this hump. Keep moving forward and finding your way....take your husband along.

santabarbarian

Mitzi way to go! I admire you!

mitziandbubba

Thank you Santabarbarian! I hope it all keeps working. The problem is that my husband is very grabby LOL