Breast issues and testing, overwhelmed with anxiety

mlp123

I waited until I was 42 for my first mammogram because I was still breastfeeding. The first mammogram resulted in a biopsy, and I waited eight days over Christmas 2017 for the results (benign). Because my mother had breast cancer twice, and because I have a benign cyst removed from my breast in my 20's, and already another biopsy, my doctor sent me to a genetic counselor and the recommendation is for me to have a yearly mammogram and a yearly MRI. The next mammogram I had resulted in a callback. They did an ultrasound but found nothing, and sad it was an error/shadow. And again, I was ridiculously anxious. I had my first MRI in July of this year (2019), and they said all was good except they saw what they suspected was a benign fibroadenoma. I went for a three month follow up ultrasound, it looked the same as it was still suspected to be a fibroadenoma, so I planned to continue ultrasound monitoring, My own doctor said, hey, why don't you just biopsy it so you know. So I had the biopsy a few months ago, and my doctor reported it was benign.

It has all been kind of a perfect storm, as I am prone to health anxiety anyway, but then after the biopsy my OTHER breast started hurting, my left breast. ANd I have become convinced that I have inflammatory breast cancer, even though I know this is irrational. This is the breast that was always a problem through six years of breastfeeding, always plugged ducts on that side, etc. And on the left nipple, I have what appears to be a plugged milk duct, even though I have been done nursing for two years. I have had it looked at MANY TIMES by many doctors, no one is worried, it wasn't an issue on any of the screenings or the MRI etc., but I became worried that it was contributing to the breast pain on the left side. I ended up having several breast exams and doctors appointments, saw a dermatologist about a tiny itchy spot, have become hyperaware of every tiny sensation, itch, etc. I saw a very well regarded breast specialist at a university hospital last week, and she agreed that I do not have inflammatory breast cancer on the left side, but she had more to say about my recent biopsy. She feels rom reading the report that they likely missed the actual fibroadenoma and didn't sample it (it was a "scant" sample"), but says she would not have recommended biopsy anway, and would have recommended regular ultrasound instead. She said that she feels it is still probably benign, as often the tissue sampled would have still reflected something if it was cancer. She also said that she feels I am being subjected to too much testing for my situation, and she would recommend I stop doing the MRIs until I turn 50, or they will just keep finding more benign stuff to biopsy. It is a lot to think about. And I sure am thinking about it! Constantly!

Today I went to buy bras, and while trying them on, I saw in the mirror that on that left breast I have what looks exactly like a pimple. And I have every reason to believe it is a pimple- I have also recently been diagnosed with pernicious anemia, requiring B12 shots daily for now, and it has caused tons of acne issues. Instead, I had to stop, take a photo, take a xanax, and send it to my doctor from the fitting room. And even though she sent a message back saying it looks exactly like acne, I ended up crying all day. I am perimenopausal. The breast pain is cyclical. There is every reason for me to believe that I should not let this anxiety overwhelm me, but I just feel like this is my life now- constant test anxiety, terror, hypervigilance about breasts, that every time I go for more screening, I will be called back. I have three kids (11,9, and 6), and of course my mind goes right to how they will lose their mother. I feel like all of this is making me crazy. Before my first mammogram, even with my mom having breast cancer twice, I had no idea how much of my life this was going to take over.

I am not sure what I am looking for by posting this whole thing. Just struggling and thought someone here may relate.