Feeling done with all of this

finallyoverit

Hi ladies. Just having one of those weeks/months where I’m just done. Done with all of the side effects; done with all of the appointments; done with all of the “lemon juice will heal you” articles from people who mean well; done with the stress of not if mbc will show itself somewhere else in my body, but rather when; done of pretending to be fine when I’m really not.

I’m just done. I know there is no answer to the “why me” question.. but I would love to know. I sure hope whatever I did to deserve this was worth it. FU MB

KBL

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time of it. I have not felt the way you do as of now, but I can’t imagine what it feels like. I really don’t have the words to comfort you, but just know I’m thinking of you and hoping you find the strength to keep fighting this stupid disease. I’m sending you a virtual hug.

cyathea

Finallyoverit, I can feel your exhaustion with the whole process in your words. It is OK to reach that point. We all get tired of fighting at some point. Know that your forum sisters will support you no matter what.

Your feelings now may remain steadfast, and in that, we can hold your hand and tell you that we appreciate the marathon that you have run. You can accept the laurel, finding comfort and peace in your decision of where your finish line will be.

Should you change your mind tomorrow in the light of a new day, we’ll be here too, urging you to find those little steps that you can take to keep running... or maybe all you can manage is to walk. No worries, we will walk with you. If you want to keep walking but you don’t have the strength, let us carry you with our prayers, warm hugs and encouragement until you are strong enough again.

We are here with you and for you

finallyoverit

Thank you, everyone for the support. It means more to me than I can express in words. I am trudging along, putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all that I’m expecting from myself right now. I’m giving myself grace to not be ok right now. Might change in the days to come but right now I’m FU MBC mood. Thank you for understanding and validating my feelings. It helps knowing that I’m heard and understood.

Jaylea

Cyathea, I was going to respond with the same sentiment, but you articulated it much more beautifully than I would have!

Finallyoverit, I've been where you are and expect to be there again. 2019 was a crap year, disease wise, that took dark and unexpected turns. At my worst, I had a long talk with my Palliative doctor and my MO, and we agreed to take a month off treatment. What a difference that made. I rebounded physically and mentally and was so much better prepared to start up again. Now I've had two cycles of tx and still doing very well. After 9 months of going downhill, I never thought there would be an upward trajectory, but here I am.

I admire the grace you have approaching this, and the plan you have is solid. Allow yourself the reality that this is a lousy time. Keep putting that foot in front of the other. There are good moments out there yet to be had. Just maybe not today. Hugs from JL

DivineMrsM

finallyoverit, I can relate to how you feel, myself having started a similar post a week or so ago about how the long term effects of dealing with mbc and life in general have brought me to a low place. For the first time ever, I had thoughts of “not sure this is worth it." The thoughts come and go. You are doing the right thing, allowing yourself to trudge along, one foot in front of the other, and not feel you have to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps" or “practice positivity". I let myself trudge along, too. One thing helping me is shedding more obligations—held my very last Thanksgiving dinner last week, handed off half the Christmas shopping list to dh and giving mostly cash and gift cards to the ones left on my list. I'm cooking less and when I do cook, it's very simple meals.

I agree with Jaylea, cyathea wrote some lovely thoughts. We are here for you, finallyoverit. Many hugs to you.