Switch medical oncologists?

inkster

I've been seeing the same MO since 2015, but it hasn't been particularly happy. I trust his medical smarts and he does listen to me on those points, but his people smarts are terrible and he kinda treats my body as if it's separate. Like suddenly shoving a hand down my jeans to check a lymph node without warning. Or grabbing my naked breast while we are talking density changes (again, without warning). And snapping at me (at first) then randomly hugging me (later). I can tell he's trying, but I would leave the appointments troubled and really unhappy. I kept thinking that it's only twice a year and I'm almost done, but then I saw mention that others have to see their MOs indefinitely. Two more appointments is one thing, but years is another. I suspect that how long you see a MO depends a lot on your diagnosis, so I'm posting here.

I guess what I'm looking for is validation that I'm not crazy or comfort that I'm overreacting and it's all good. And if you've switched doctors, can you tell me how it went? I'd have to switch clinics, too, so any advice there?

WC3

I think it needs to be called to his attention that he should articulate when he is about to touch a patient's breast or feel a lymph node in a private area.

Mavericksmom

His actions are troubling.....huge RED flag! My advice, find another doctor! Easier said than done I know because I tried to switch to the MO I saw in 2003 and he wouldn't take me as a patient because of continuation of care." Honestly I think that was an excuse and he just has more patients than he can handle already, not just breast cancer but all types of cancer patients. My reason was due to distance, I went to a city cancer hospital this time. My former MO is five mins from my house.In the end he was right and I will make the trip as long as I can drive.

Maybe you could do follow ups with your breast surgeon?

gb2115

He sounds awfully inappropriate...if I may ask why is he even hugging you? I have never in my life been hugged by a doctor, that would be super weird...

inkster

I suspect he got feedback about being unapproachable and unpleasant and swung wildly to hugging and forced friendliness. He quit hugging after a couple visits (maybe more feedback about how that may not be appropriate either).

anotherNYCGirl

Find another onc.

I switched...No problem, and I feel more comfortable and confident with current dr!

OnTarget

I would switch. You need to trust your MO!

AliceBastable

Ew. SO unprofessional. My oncologist will do an occasional peek down my shirt but she usually has me get on the exam table at the end of the talk session, and have me roll up my bra or unhook, depending on what kind I'm wearing, and practice kneading stiff dough (REALLY thorough check-up) on my breasts and clavicle, plus some stethoscope checks for the lungs. So I know when I have to get on the table that there will be physical contact.

That said, some oncologists get attached to their long-term patients and might develop a gray-area relationship. I worked at a hospital decades ago, and one of the oncologists would come in at night and just sit with his patients, sometimes holding their hand, talking gently if the patient was awake. The patients and staff adored him, and did everything we could to make things easier for him and his patients. I'm sure he hugged occasionally. But it doesn't sound like your diagnosis was that dire.