Could this really be that I am moving on?

mitziandbubba

Did anyone reach a point where they just felt the way they used to?

I keep reading all of the stuff that says there is a "new normal" etc. That I will never feel the same again and I had pretty much given up on ever feeling like I did before cancer. Of course I didn't want a "new normal" but I figured well, I'll take whatever I get as long as it means I don't cry every day (which hasn't happened in a few months).

Then this week, I was making plans with some girlfriends and I texted them "Wow, it feels so great to get back to my life again!" without even thinking. And when I thought about it after, I really feel a shift this week. I even told someone new that I was a breast cancer survivor and I swear I sounded super proud. A much younger girl I am friends with said that is very "on brand" for me to be a cancer survivor because I'm such a badass and I kind of felt good about that! I think a few weeks ago I would have wanted to punch her.

I just feel so happy. It doesn't feel like a new "normal". It feels better. I hope it lasts.

TB90

We all recover emotionally at our unique times. I remember being at a workshop and thought wow, I had not thought about bc for at least two hours. I was ecstatic. It feels wonderful to find some normalacy or even happiness again. I think it feels even better due to the contrast of fear and uncertainty that our dx brings. Glad to hear you feel so great.

kksmom3

It took me till after the first mammogram after cancer to feel better. I have never gone a day without thinking about it, but I was all consumed with it for a long time. I just couldn't stop thinking about all the many aspects of it. I hate that I did that but that's just what it took. It takes a long as it takes. I do mostly feel better about things. October is a hard month for me now because my surgery was Oct 1, 2018. I went in the hospital the day for the surgery early morning and when I left the place was SO pinked out. Like I could not forget about it even if I wanted to. Always in my face. I'm glad you moved on and pretty quickly too!!!

AliceBastable

I've mostly thought about it when I check in here. When I had a hysterectomy for endometrial/uterine cancer, I drifted away from the on-line support group after a few months, but there wasn't any post-surgery care beyond about five weeks of healing before going back to work. Breast cancer was a less invasive surgery, but there was all that pesky radiation, and now the daily Tamoxifen. But I still don't think about it as much as I do the kidney cancer (surgery was between lumpectomy and radiation). That one's with me every day, with more tests and scans (had a damn blood test EVERY WEEK for a month recently!) and having to plan every bite I eat so my blood levels stay normal. If I get a month without an appointment or test (maybe next February!), I'm deliriously happy.

mitziandbubba

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Alice, you have been through a lot, wow, and you sound so strong and so positive.

It's so relaxing not to wake up every day and think "Wait - cancer? Did that just happen?" and have to hide my tears from my husband. Now I just wake up and think "coffee...now". I have an oncologist follow up visit soon and it just popped up on my calendar and for the first time I am not apprehensive or scared. I was thinking about the last time I was at the onc's office and she made a gyno appointment for me and said "she has a history of breast cancer" and I thought, yes, it is in my HISTORY. But now it is starting to really feel like history.

I really cannot wait next year, 2020, for the one year anniversary of when this all started. I feel like I will be reborn.