I have Mets & Sister In Law With Mets Not Doing Well

gonegirl

My husband's sister was diagnosed with metastatic ER+ breast cancer 6 months after he and I started dating. Not a good moment. I'd already been living with metastatic breast cancer (HER2+) for 3 years at that point and at first I desperately tried to get in there to help for fear she'd get bad care, decline quickly, die and then my boyfriend would flee in terror of what would happen to me next. After several bad moments, I backed off. Sister in law was put on Ibrance and did well.

My husband and I then got married almost 4 years ago and I've been doing ok, although I have moved on to Perjeta/Herceptin from Kadcyla (knocking on wood it's doing the job).

Since our marriage, the sister in law's cancer flared up and she was moved to an anti-hormonal. The cancer then flared up again, and she was moved on to Kisqali. The other day found out that the sister in law is having another flare up (scan results to come but tumor markers high and new pain in hip). I am terrified. My husband is very close to his sister. I live in fear of him losing me and I am also terrified he will lose his sister and how I will deal with that. I don't know if I can support my husband in this. It would be like watching my own future up close and I'd also be terrified that he'll draw away from me since this will be his first real experience of what cancer does (I get the feeling he lives in denial with me since I'm basically doing ok, although I have lots of challenges).

Oy, oy, oy. I am overwhelmed. I've researched clinical trials and sent them to my husband to share with his sister, but I can't fix this and he and his family do not talk about things much. I need folks who understand what this might be like. It's hard to talk about this with anyone who is not in the same shoes.

Mostly I stay in the current moment and do my best to not live in the fear of the future, but this one is challenging that. Help.

Susan