Work, disability, Medicare...oh my!

LaurenInPHX

Hello everyone. This is a super long meandering post so here goes...

I have no idea what to do. Here is the situation:

I have been working on a new branding concept for my business for the last 5-6 months. I'm talking 12-16 hour days for MONTHS to get this new business (online marketing membership club) off the ground. I was about 3 weeks away from launching when I was diagnosed stage iv.

I have insurance through the Marketplace, but as we all know, the fuckfaces in Washington (and Texas) are trying to do away with the ACA and pre-existing conditions. I figure I'm okay for 2020, but 2021 and beyond are a crapshoot, therefore, I need to get on Medicare stat. (I'm blissfully single, so no spousal insurance either)

I'm only 52, so I have to get on Medicare through SSDI. This takes about 29 months to do (24 months after your first check which comes after a 5 month waiting period.)

I'll be approved for SSDI because of my diagnosis, but I'm not allowed to make over $1200 a month. There are "gainful activity" restrictions as well, meaning the hours I can work are restricted. Also, I can't postpone it because I'm very close to the five year cutoff for eligibility with points or some such red tape bullshit.

I am totally demotivated now to launch my business. If I can't make a real go of it and make $5-10K a month, then I don't want to do it. I could conceivably keep it very small and only make $1200 after expenses, but I can't jeopardize my Medicare eligibility, nor am I looking to do anything fraudulent or cheat the system,and I think it would be more trouble than it's worth. Do I really want to go through the hassle of working for $1200 at the risk of losing Medicare/SSDI? Do I really want to spend my numbered days working on a half-ass business? Earning money isn't really the issue, it's the Medicare that's most important. And since I don't really know how these drugs are going to affect me, I don't know if I would even be able to work it full time.

On the other hand, if I don't work and try to do something, then what do I do? My compromised immune system and possible other side effects makes getting a two-day-a-week part time job iffy. I can't even imagine what I would be able to do. My background is in catering/restaurant and purchasing, so I know I can't do that anymore - physically or mentally. I thought about rebranding the rebrand (ugh) and going smaller, but that just holds no interest for me right now. The motivation was money, and now that is gone.

As far as volunteering goes, the only thing I can think of is working at the DNC or on a campaign stuffing envelopes or doing paperwork (no phones or canvassing). There were some opportunities at hospice facilities, but uh...no thanks, I'll pass.

It feels as though I've been thrown into an unwanted, overnight retirement, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I've had baseball these last three weeks, but as of October 30th or so, it's over too, then I'll REALLY have nothing to do. I'm afraid if I don't have a passion or something to do, I'll just let myself fade away and not fight this thing. I don't drive on highways (anxiety) so my options are somewhat limited. I'd love to spend my days at the zoo, but it's 45 minutes away by highway which doesn't work for me.

After my cardiologist appointment, I'll be able to exercise and make health my priority, but what do I do for the other 23 hours a day?

Sorry for the stream of consciousness post, but I had to get it all out in writing. I honestly don't know I'm going to do. I feel like I should wait until after my first set of scans in January to decide anything, but in the meantime, all I can do is obsess about it.

Thanks for listening, and if you have any thoughts I'd love to hear them.

Lauren