Might be going insane 😬

Polly_Ester

After a couple years of lupron i had a total hysterectomy with removal of the ovaries. I've been on Arimidex for around 4 years.

Menopause is HARD. I already have a history of metal illness and it's getting worse. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow.

I get these terrible bouts of rage, they usually coincide with hot flashes and last the same amount of time, about 3-4 minutes.

I'm going to end up getting myself in jail or killed.

On Tuesday I jumped out of the car at a red light and physically attacked the person in the car behind me.

I'm turning into a monster inside and out. WTF is happening to me?? I don't know myself anymore.

I miss ESTROGEN 😭

Magari

Menopause is indeed hard! I'm quite certain that men couldn't deal with it, and even surer that if they had to, there'd be better treatment.

Kudos for recognizing that you're on edge and seeking help.

Ask your psychiatrist about Effexor. It's an antidepressant, but lower doses can also help with hot flashes. I was taking 37.5 mg, but that wasn't cutting it so I just bumped up to 75mg. If it also improves my moods, so much the better!

gb2115

Sorry ...that sounds awful!! Hoping the psychiatrist can help you, and quickly!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I believe that tamoxifen menopause can be even worse than natural menopause, since tamoxifen attacks the liver, and a blocked liver causes anger. Maybe you could try a vegetarian diet to detox your liver for a while and see if it improvement your emotions. Just an idea. Good luck!

Polly_Ester

I feel so bad. I feel like this post is self incriminating and want to take it down.

But I also want people to have this as a reference.

I have had severe depression since puberty but I have never been aggressive like that. And I'm 100% sure this is a symptom caused by the AI drug.

This isn't me.

I'm currently working on getting the records from my old psychiatrist. There is a huge possibility that I'll be admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

WC3

Spright:

Have you discussed this with your MO? If you are having such severe reactions to the AI then they might outweigh the benefits for you.

Cowgirl13

Spright, I think you may find a great deal of help with the psychiatrist. I'm on meds and mine were changed when I was diagnosed with BC. Arimidex was hard for me.

Meow13

I was prescribed paxil along with anastrozole (generic ARIMIDEX). Paxil seemed to help with side effects particularly hot flashes. I never had the aggression or hostility but I was always taking the Paxil too.

KCMC

This is me! I suffer from depression since my 20’s, finally had it under control and then I was diagnosed. I went on Tamoxifen with little to no side effects - fast forward a year and my Oncologist switched me to an AI - absolutely horrible - I couldn’t get out of bed. Had anger issues and I felt like I wasn’t on my anti depressant. I went to my psychiatrist in tears - he contacted my Oncologist and they switched me back to Tamoxifen - within weeks I was much better. With the AI I hadother side effects joint pain nausea tiredness but i could put up with all the physical just not the mental side effects. Maybe you can try another brand name of your AI - that might help. I didn’t do that because my psychiatrist was worried about my mental well being, so I started Tamoxifen again even though I am in menopause. Also I am on Effexor which helps with my depression and hot flashes. Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you.

gretchy

Good for you for talking to your psychiatrist. I have mental illness too and sometimes feel I'm not myself. I agree with the person that said they may have to weigh the pros as nd cons of this hormone therapy. Hugs

LoveFromPhilly

Spright I applaud your “coming out” about this. What an honorable and vulnerable and HONEST post!

You are taking charge of your mental health, it doesn’t get more empowering than that.

I have always been “happy go lucky” and positive. These meds and the diagnosis threw me into a very very dark place of depression and isolation. I do see psychiatrists who I am lucky work with my MOs office at the teaching hospital where I go. I got onto Lexapro. It has been a life saver for me, psychologically.

Hugs and hang in there!!!

Jenkins00

I applaud you for being open and honest. I am struggling too with Letrozole. Only been on it two months but I am so fatigued and my anxiety has escalated. I can't sleep because my mind won't turn off. I am having trouble focusing at work. I reached out to my MO for suggestions. Nurse responded stop for two weeks and see how you feel. I didn't like the response so I reached out to my PCP. I love her and she is more helpful with suggestions and adjusting my meds. I am currently on Lexapro and Buspirone but I feel my dosage needs to be higher.

Totallytubular

yes, I can relate. I don't get the rage but 3.5 years on Arimidex and my 40mg celexa not cutting it. trying to find another drug

to go on for depression and anxiety.. so far Abilify and Wellbutrin no good for me. tired of these drugs too. a good psychiatrist is supposed to work

wonders. tired of waiting.

farmerlucy

I had to switch back to Tamoxifen in my last few months on HT. AIs were just too tough on me, and since Tamoxifen acts by blocking not eliminating estrogen I feel like it was easier for me. Now I feeling the lack of estrogen although I did stop HT several years ago. I did read lately in a study from Harvard that fish oil can act like an antidepressant so I doubled up on that. I keep up with exercise and I'm on Prozac, but dammit, most days are a struggle.

Musosgirl

After 2 years on arimidex I too lost it. I went through five years of treatment for PTSD and I insisted I stay on my Paxil through all of cancer treatment. But the debilitating spine pain and never sleeping was wearing on me. Then one week I felt like madness was setting in and I just quit it all. I knew better than to suddenly quit Paxil and 10 days later when the brain zaps started I began taking it again. But I was sleeping and my back pain was suddenly gone and I told my ONC no more of the AI. I am supposed to be retrying Tamoxifen even though Paxil may interfere with its effectiveness, but the hot flashes are so bad I feel like I am walking around with a fever all day and nausea increases too I have been off of it more than on these past five months—I see my ONC mid-Nov to report on this trial. I am emotionally ready to throw in the towel. I’ve maybe completed three years of Tamox/AI’s—I know it’s not enough.

MissouriCatLady

Farmer Lucy, thank you for sharing this a few months back, I just came across it, the free E Book by Lillie Shockney of Johns Hopkins on Breast Cancer Recurrence:

https://s3.amazonaws.com/nbcf-production-assets/at...

I found it very informative. I will have my last HP infusion in November. I shared it with two girls I work with who have been through this in the past year too, thank you. I've only been on anastrazole since May, but just hearing her say she hated it made me smile, I hate it too! And just reading your posts here, and Musogirl, I was going to say it is a nice thing, but that does not sound quite right, thank you for understanding the trouble with hormone therapy! I read this book and got up and went for a walk, I have recently started trying to walk 30 minutes a day. I have to work on quitting alcohol completely, I've cut back, but still enjoy it on the weekends. Maybe with the weather turning colder and no more patio it will make it easier. Leg cramps is my torture. I've tried everything. I sleep with Irish Spring. I am finally blessed with some nights being better than others, and I will take that. Hugs to you ladies, thank you for understanding. I hope you are feeling good today, Lisa in Missouri

MissouriCatLady

Spright - give us an update sometime. Hugs to you. Lisa

Yogatyme

MissouriCatLady, I just read this morning in the People’s Pharmacy about rubbing liquid soap on your legs for cramping. It sounds a little wonky, but when my legs ache and cramp, I’ll try anything. My husband and I also find relief from drinking dill pickle juice. They both sound so stupid, but at least you know if they don’t work, at least they won’t harm.

MissouriCatLady

Yogatyme - I will try it! Thank you! I will try anything too! I have recently polished off all my dill pickle juice and, you're right, it does help! It is usually between midnight and 2 am, walking circles in the kitchen, I pop open the jar, I need another refill! Thank you so very much! I am so happy I found you girls, thank you for letting me vent!

I am on another anastrazole page and a lady has told me to use the GoodRX coupon and I can get name-brand Arimidex from CVS for $22.10 (she did it, she lives in Texas). I wasn't really sure how this website worked, but you do not use your insurance at all. It is a long story/ordeal, but the cheapest my insurance goes for name-brand is $180 a month. I have made some calls and am waiting to see if this actually happens, but know better than to get my hopes up. I would love to get a really good night's sleep! Thank you, Lisa

Polly_Ester

I've plummeted from mania to a pretty thick depression. I did my intake appointment with behavioral health. They didn't feel the need to keep me for inpatient treatment.

My oncologist wants me to stay on Arimidex. She said effexor might help. I'll bring it up at my appointment with the psychiatrist.

MissouriCatLady

Polly_Ester, I'm sorry. I have read on various boards on here that Effexor is helpful. Our son took Effexor and it helped him. I ran across this link for a book written by a nurse at Johns Hopkins: https://s3.amazonaws.com/nbcf-production-assets/attachments/000/001/951/original/1d2462d05acc3251ad6840442698784f?utm_campaign=Content%20Offers&utm_source=hs_automation&utm_medium=email&utm_content=72057674&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--9hH8j0Tl_pABW8IrpFprVFMX0L537Ea05CpztOzvXFuEEQQH0JsIZOvDVg5XoQLBNYB1Rw-qAjUrktMhPUj9Ds4AmYA&_hsmi=72057674

It is a free E book that talks about recurrence and she mentions anastrazole/Arimidex. We each have to make our own decisions, but she stresses the importance of staying on this drug. She's taken it, so maybe can relate more than some.

Yesterday, I went to get up off my couch, and my terror (leg cramps), grabbed BOTH the backs of my upper legs and I didn't know if I was going to be able to move. My husband jumped up and asked, what can I do? I grabbed his arm so I could straighten up, and hobbled in circles around my kitchen, hoping the little flick of pain in my back didn't turn into a cramp. He got out the pickle juice so I could guzzle that as I went by. Some days, I don't know if I can do this. A lot of people will tell you to drink water and exercise....I try. Hugs, it just sucks. Lisa

MissouriCatLady

I was leaving flowers on Find a Grave, reading a bio by my friend, Robert Duran, who quoted Boris Pasternak, author of Dr. Zhivago, and when I went to look up Boris Pasternak, somehow I came upon this article. I wanted to share this, hope you do not mind. I have never looked in the mirror much, and if it is possible, do so even less now, I have aged and my life has changed. Perhaps you will find something supportive, as I did, in this article. It doesn't mention cancer, but sees our struggle, not every day is easy. Hugs, Lisa

6 Reflections Confident Women See When Looking in the Mirror

By David Schroeder for YourTango.com

Link:https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-reflections-confident-women-see-when-looking-in-the-mirror/

There's more to life than just being pretty.

Self-confidence strongly impacts women's happiness and sense of fulfillment in life. And our sense of confidence derives mostly from our beliefs and attitudes about ourselves and our life experiences.

When you look in the mirror, your inner beliefs color how you view your outer appearance.

So, do they only see perfection when they look at their reflection?

Actually. no. Their view of themselves is surprisingly realistic. But the difference is, they see more than their physical features reflecting back at them. Truly confident women also see the following six things when they look in the mirror:

1. They See Beauty in Their Imperfections

Confident women see their physical flaws (and acknowledge their inner emotional ones). Not only are they not afraid to admit their imperfections, more importantly, they don't define themselves by them. Nor do they presume that a few imperfections here or there diminish other attributes they possess that are unquestionably beautiful. In other words, a scar on your stomach does not diminish the beauty of your eyes.

Dr. Deepak Chopra states, in the co-authored book The Shadow Effect, "To have a shadow is not to be flawed, but complete." Confident women look at themselves honestly and embrace what they see. They live the principle: When we accept our imperfections, we discover our perfection, strengths and gifts within us.

2. They See Their Strength and Their Vulnerability

They look in the mirror, honoring the things they've faced and overcome, their resilience. Yes, they may have a need to please others. They may crave love, acceptance, or approval. Yet, they've learned how to balance this, so they don't loose too much of themselves pleasing others.

3. They See That Confidence Is Always Framed in Fear and Doubt

When they look in the mirror, they see self-love and confidence. They know what they're good at and they admire themselves for those strengths.

But, they also see their fears and self-doubt. By acknowledging those, by expecting them to exist on some level, their fears and doubts feel less intimidating.

Confident women trust their intuition and their ability to push through hard things (even if they feel fear while doing so). As the motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins says, "The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty that you can comfortably live with."

How to Be Happy With Yourself as You Improve Your Life

4. They See the Results of Their Own Choices

Confident women openly and honestly own their choices and behaviors, without blaming or shaming themselves or others. Whether it's a choice that impacts their financial bottom line or their waistline, they feel it's important to take responsibility for their own health and happiness. They've overcome the false idea that it's other people's "job" to make them happy.

They know not every choice they make is ultimately the best one, but celebrate the smart choices and learn from their missteps.

5. They See the Heart of Their Values

Confident women live with clear purpose. They carefully choose the values that drive their lives and then infuse those values into their every day with enthusiasm.

As they stand before the mirror, they see their purpose reflected back to them — they live this reflection with an "I can" attitude.

6. They See Their Light-Hearted Spirit Shining (Despite Their Struggles)

Do you know why angels can fly? Because they take themselves lightly.

Confident women don't diminish their struggles, but they also don't take them too seriously. They know strife visits us all from time to time. They admit their mistakes and embarrassing moments, and smile looking in the mirror knowing they've learned and grown from hard times.

Despite that, they let their silly, fun, light-hearted childlike qualities move them through stress and challenge with more grace and ease.