Post-surgery depressive and anxious symptoms

CelesteM

Hello,

I'm not new to this forum but this is my first post. I was diagnosed with DCIS in January of this year and had a double MX in February, quickly followed by the removal of my left nipple (when margins were not clean after MX). I had reconstructive surgery 7/29 at which point I had silicone implants, lipofilling, and a final removal of a small margin of DCIS (clean margins finally)!

Overall my physical recovery has gone well however I'm struggling significantly with with depressive mood symptoms. I am a psychotherapist so I understand these symptoms and they are not severe (I am not at risk of self harm), however they are greatly impacting my function. This is compounded by being a single mother and having a feisty teenage daughter (and 10 year old son). I was having such a difficult time I had to have my kids go stay with friends.

I know that depression and other mood symptoms can be a result of general anesthesia and there are the situational stressors/trauma surrounding surgery. But I was wondering if anyone has experienced struggling with depression and irritability after surgery. I feel like on big raw nerve!

Thanks in advance!

Mavericksmom

Hi Celeste!

I am 65 years old, not a psychotherapist but I have always been the person everyone goes to for advice and for the most part I have helped more people than I can count. That said, I was completely blindsided when I couldn't help myself when I went through breast cancer the first time, in 2003.

To sum up my experience “what could go wrong, did!" I carried a lot of anger and depression with me for about six years following treatment. ( surgery, chemo, radiation)

When I received the news in December that I had ILC, I literally went into shock. I had a very difficult time because after 15 1/2 years I was sure I was cured! I ended up with large wounds on my reconstructed breast because I had been burned badly by the radiation therapy in 2003.

I knew I needed mental support so I spoke up and had a wonderful social worker at the cancer hospital I go to for treatment who helped me get through the surgery and recovery. It took seven months for my wounds to stop bleeding.

I thought I was fine mentally/emotionally but I am not. I am actually seeing the social worker before an appointment I have with one of my doctors on Wednesday.

When I read what you wrote, I saw myself, minus the “being a psychotherapist and the young children!” It is so hard when you know you need help, know what you need to do, (in my case it has a lot to do with letting go of the fact that I was refused the bilateral mastectomy I wanted and not getting a second opinion) but can't do it! I was on an antidepressant in 2003, and I wonder if I need something again.

The only thing I can say is that it is okay to seek help, we can't fix all our own problems. I don't care if you were a psychologist, you are no less of an expert in your field if you yourself need help, which I think you already know.

In 2003 I relied on a journal because I was passionate about writing. I wrote an unpublished book about my experiences because it was cathartic. This time I can barely write a small paragraph in my journal. I am disinterested in things I loved to do, some days it is a struggle just to do every day things. I joined a gym and I am eating a healthy diet, but it doesn't help much because I hate the look of my post DIEP reconstruction body so much!

I know I probably didn't help you much but I hope it helps in a small way to know you aren't alone!

Rua

Dear Celeste,

I had surgery 5 weeks ago, mastectomy, flap & lymph nodes removed. First 5 weeks, it was about moving through the physical milestones ie pump removal, drains removed, completing exercises, going to coffee shop & back to home unaccompanied. 5 weeks post surgery I suddenly began to feel very low, exhausted, tearful & avoided people requesting to visit me. I am involved in a basketball team and I think I missed the 3 times weekly exercise and the social side. I cant exercise so I cant get rid of my demons in this way. I find that I have to do at least a half hour, if not more each morning of some type of guided meditation on You Tube, to turn the mood up from low. I do one which seems to help me which is 15 mins long calling on St Germaine & Violet Light. Someone recommended it to me & it definitely helps me. I also do another one which is a short gratitude meditation for about 15 mins. The final thing which helps me is whilst I am tidying room or getting dressed or doing physio exercises, I listen to a particular Wayne Dyer recording on You Tube. I just keep it on in background & it focusses me to move up a notch and look at the bigger picture of life. It somehow lifts my mood too. Its five hours long so there is at least 2 weeks listening in that for me. I can't go down my usual route of distracting myself with work, social life or playing sport so other tools were needed. I hope this of some benefit. Kind regards, Cill Dara

wetfish_13

The real thing to know is it will get better, I felt the same way and At 8 months post-op and after all the stuff Ive had to endure Iam finally able to have some happiness in life again. Hang in there and give yourself time to hesl.

Moderators

Rua and wetfish_13 we really appreciate you chiming in and sharing your experiences and support.

notarobot

Thanks for posting this, it helps knowing Im not being crazy, I know Im going thru alot physically, but I tend to hide the emotional aspect of it because I dont want to be a pain in the ass to anyone., Ive always been a tough one, the few times Ive tried to reach out, I get told YOU ARE SO STRONG, YOU CAN DO IT! we are here for you! ect ect. but if I open up a little and ask someone to please just let me say how I FEEL.. *crickets*. I am tired.

alto

The anesthesia can throw you off for a week or so, and some of the meds they give you after can do the same. Plus, you have recovery and healing, which can be draining on the body. Even just being sick for a few days can make a person feel bummed, so going through this, it's natural to feel that way. On top of that, you've been through a pretty scary and traumatic experience. Sometimes we push those feeling aside until it's safe to deal with them. And while we're shielded from a lot of the process (anesthesia), it is still traumatic to our bodies and minds. I think our bodies sometimes deal with that trauma without our full awareness. I went on a low dose antidepressant after my surgery, and it really helped take the edge off. Take good care of yourself, get vitamins D and B and light exercise, eat good food, and really consider talking to your doctor about talk therapy or meds - especially if it lasts more than a week or two.

Ingerp

It might also be a little of what many of us go through--during treatment, you're so focused on getting through it--it's like that's where all of your energy goes. But when you're out of active treatment, your brain starts to clear enough that the negative emotions start cropping up. Many women speak of developing PTSD after they've finished treatment. I have been one pissed off gal the last couple of months. I knew what chemo was going to do, knew what rads were going to do, even had thought ahead about what the AI SEs were going to be like. But sitting here with hair that is not my regular hair, looking at a minimum of 4+ more years of the AI--it has me pretty angry that BC will still be impacting my life for so much longer. That's a much bigger chunk of my life than the weeks/months of treatment. I want to be me again, and that's not going to happen any time soon.

Amyadipose

Had surgery today, and just now realizing I'm pissed off. I feel ya. Not single but may as well be (and soon will be again). I take amounts of medical MJ. Capsules - Soo good for pain and healing, but a biggest advantage is it helps you to tolerate other people!!!