Not actually all that helpful

kber

I'm going to rant for a moment. I was diagnosed 9 months ago and have since gone through chemo and surgery. I'll start radiation next week. During treatment, I've had friends and family be extremely generous with their time and cook meals for us. One friend organized Meal Train which was very helpful in organizing the effort and keeping us from getting buried under a mountain of lasagna.

Right now, I'm between phases. I'm mostly recovered from surgery and haven't started radiation, the upshot being my energy levels are pretty good and I'm cooking for myself and my husband. I'm also back to work full time.

Anyway, our next door neighbor just found out about my cancer and they seem to feel a mixture of guilt and annoyance that they weren't told. I'm not terribly close to them and they have 4 kids under the age of 9 so are very busy, but we are friendly. The husband is constantly borrowing tools from my husband and then asking how to use them, which my husband actually enjoys because he likes teaching. Somehow the rest of the street knew, but I guess the rumor mill skipped them. To be honest, I didn't really bother with personally informing everyone about my illness, but if one of them had asked me, my husband or my daughter (who has babysat for them) how things were, they would have been told. I mean, it wasn't a secret, but "sure you can use my table saw and by the way my wife has cancer" is a bit of an awkward conversation transition with someone if you're not all that close to start with. And at some point, I assumed they knew.

So yesterday, to make up for lost time, I guess, they decide they are making us dinner. My husband tried to waive them off because we don't need it (or want it) right now, but might in 6 weeks when I'm finishing the end of my radiation treatments. But no, it has to be tonight and they have to drop it off this morning. So instead of getting to work on time, I found myself waiting for a dinner I don't want, don't need, didn't ask for, and in fact specifically asked them not to make. And on top of that, I have to be both grateful for the food and abashed that I didn't personally keep them updated on my cancer, like I didn't have a lot going on this year. When dropping off the food this morning the wife gives me a big smile and says "Well, I read that you shouldn't ask how you can help - just jump in and do something! So here's your spaghetti and meatballs!" Um, no. please ask. And now I'm worried about what else they are going to just "jump in and do".

I put the chicken I was planning on making tonight in the freezer for another day.

AliceBastable

Oh, dear. Awkward. She'll probably brag about how helpful she is to anyone who will listen, for weeks. Some people just can't read a situation - or take a hint. I hope it was a one-time thing and she doesn't take you on as a project. Or I hope you have a lot of freezer space!

kber

Hah - being someone's project seems really uncomfortable. Luckily she has 4 young and active (but quite nice overall) kids, so I think she's got her hands full for now.