Feelings

Anonymous

Feelings

ATLWife

Hi,

I was just diagnosed on June 11th. I am still learning all the terminology, and trying to understand more about my diagnosis.

I try to put on a strong face for my family and friends, but deep down inside I am confused, angry and scared. I feel guilty for having these feelings. If I try to express them, I get the cliche: "be positive", "it's not a death sentence"...

I know my prognosis is good, but I can't help but to feel anxious and scared.

I just wanted to share.

Scrafgal

ATLWife

Your feelings are normal...no need for guilt. The early days after diagnosis are the very hardest. As you move toward next steps for treatment, you will begin to regain your strength. As you learn more, you will appreciate your good prognosis.

Keep coming back here for support...we're open 24/7!!!

I presume you live in Atlanta...lived there for 12 years...I am in Houston now.

Beesie

"Be positive" is a crock.

You've just been diagnosed; no matter how good the diagnosis, it's a shock to the system. Of course it's never healthy to wallow in self-pity and fear over the long-term, and having a positive attitude can help you get through difficult treatments, but you've just been diagnosed and it's perfectly normal to be scared and angry. What's not healthy is keeping your feelings in or to forcing yourself to present an image that isn't how you really feel. So allow yourself to feel what you feel. If your family and friends don't like it or tell you to "be positive", tell them that when they are diagnosed with cancer, they can offer advice. Or tell them that their advice is appreciated but you will do what is right for yourself.

What is your diagnosis? Have you had surgery yet or just a biopsy? Do you have a copy of your pathology report? Lots of us here can help you sort through all the information. It is overwhelming at first, but you will find that you'll learn very quickly and become much more comfortable with all the information being thrown at you.

edj3

Hey there, I was diagnosed on April 9 and went right into get shit done mode, no time for feelings. Those came for me last weekend, so nearly two months later. So I'd say you are ahead of me in a very good way!

You're definitely not alone, and this is a safe place to ask questions, share your feelings and generally figure out what all of this means to you.

Nel138281

Any one who is positive 24/7 with a cancer dx, is crazy It doesn't mean you need to be down all the time, but being positive all the time is impossible Allow yourself the feelings you need You will find your balance

bcincolorado

I am sorry you are going through this. With most medical things the doctors tell you take this medicine and you will get better. With cancer all of a sudden you are faced with a lot of decisions to make.

The people here are all a good source of knowledge and can relate no matter where you are in your journey. You are in the right place. It is perfectly fine to be scared and worried right now. For a lot of people getting the best knowledge you can is helpful in making good decisions.

AliceBastable

Go ahead and be scared and angry without feeling guilty. But I'd suggest balancing your fear and anger and all the tests and appointments with having as much fun as you can doing normal summer activities. Besides being good for you mentally and physically, it will give you pleasant memories to balance out the medical nightmare when you look back.

ATLWife

I'm in the "get stuff done" mode as well. One spot has been diagnosed, but there are two more that need to be biopsied. Plus insurance is not answering questions about coverage.

I find it hard to execute in the absence of all info. That frustrates me the most.

Thank you for your response!

Rrobin0200

your feelings are absolutely normal, and believe me when I say that I’m sure everyone on this board feels/felt the same way. I’m 2 years out and I still get sad and anxious, albeit not nearly as bad when I was first diagnosed. This diagnosis changes your life... hopefully for the good but getting there is the hard part. We all understand what you’re going through, so please reach out to us. ❤️❤️

Salamandra

To me, being positive means not losing touch with the blessings in my life and keeping sight of the possibility that a good, or at least a not-bad, outcome is possible. NOT guaranteed, not even necessarily likely, but at least possible.

When I lose 'positivity', it's not a sign that I'm doing something wrong, but that I need something I don't have. Could be a change in my mental health treatment, leaning on friends, more leisure. I might not be able to accomplish those things right away (I have to earn a living whether I want to or not), but I refuse to blame myself. I do what I can with what I have to try to put myself in the best situation for regaining positivity, and try to keep an intellectual awareness that my feelings are not facts. I avoid people who don't have the skills or maturity to be supportive.

Your feelings are your feelings. Every single one of them is valid.

I hope you can find even just one or two friends who will listen to you with kindness and supportiveness. Do not be afraid to reach out beyond your usual friend group. I found this in unexpected places when I was open about what was happening.

If you have one or two especially close friends who normally are really good friends and you think would be receptive to learning how to support you better, you can point them to these forums to read the threads about not saying dumb shit, or even to ask their own questions. You can be explicit with them about what you need from them. But for the most part, now is a great time to give yourself some psychic space from people who don't get it and don't even know that they don't get it.

bandwoman1234

Hi ladies.

I am coming upon my official five yr survival but had a big bump in the road when I had my mammogram at the end of March. I figured I would be doing a happy dance to celebrate my beginning of my 5yrs out but unfortunately it became deja vu from five years ago. It went from mammogram, to ultra sound to biopsy. There was a sixteen day wait and I was doing fine until the biopsy and that was a six day wait. I have to backtrack a bit and say that I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor in November and still dealing with that as they can't seem to identify what it really is. I have been part time caregiver for my Mom living with her three months out of the year for seven years. My Mom is 93 with dementia and is in a facility now. She had a mini stroke in that wait time after my biopsy. By the time I got my diagnosis of benign I guess my brain's fight or flight mechanism went into overdrive. Long story short, the area was scar tissue from my surgery five years ago. My brain could not keep up with all the stress apparently. I was diagnosed with reactive depression and I am seeing the social worker in oncology which has been a God send. I am a woman of great faith so this really pulled the rug out from under me. I am dealing with all sorts of feelings and lots of fatigue. A neighbor saw me out working in my yard and talked and asked if there was anything she could do to help. She was very well meaning and with good intentions but she said something that really stuck in my mind and I was wrestling with this. She said I hear breast cancer is easier than some. I know I could have struck back with a one liner or gone into a speech about telling that to all the spouses, daughters, sisters, mothers, and friends who have lost someone to bc cancer but I simply said I don't know about that. I know my own bc journey can't compare to those who are in stage four but I guess I wish I would have spoken up for all of those ladies suffering now in treatments and beyond saying this is no cake walk and if you went through this you would be singing a different tune.

So that is my feelings for today and thank you for letting me vent. I just looked back and thought this topic was "Feelings" only. I didn't realize it was for newly diagnosed. Sorry. I think I will still not delete.

I pray that those who are in treatment or waiting for treatment that you will find that once you get into that fight mode you will get through this. Praying for strength in the journey.

Nancy