Very angry at my mother

Kkmay

Hi all!

I have been holding extreme anger in me since my mother was diagnosed with TNBC last January. My mother has a phobia of doctors and hospitals. She knew she had an abnormal lump in her left breast in since August 2018, but did not say anything about it, or visit a doctor until January 2019. She was just very quiet and sad all the time, I begged her for weeks to tell me what’s wrong but she didn’t say anything and dismissed my worries. In one occasion she made fun of me for being overly worried about her. She brook down and told me after weeks of begging her. WORST weeks of my entire life! Knowing something wrong with your mother but not knowing what it is or what do to fix it is just horrible! I would never do that to anyone who loves me! I still hold feelings of anger towards my mother for putting me through this. I also can’t believe she kept it to herself for that long. If she loves us (her kids) so much, Why does not she take a better care of herself? Why is she so dependent on others to take care of her? Why did not she go to the MO earlier?

Even now during her treatment, she does not seem to take a good care of herself. I had to force her several times to go to the ER, and later it turned out that she had a serious infection. The worst thing ever feeling worried all the time for your loved one simply because she does not take care of herself. You worry all the time, for all the wrong reasons, not because you don't trust God or her doctors or any of her medical staff, just because she doesn't’ seem to take care of herself. I can’t focus at work, or have fun when I go out with my friends because I’m so worried about her all the time. I don’t want to sound selfish, but I need her to put herself first. I need to trust her. I need some peace back into my life.

I talked to her about my concerns, and she dismisses them which makes me overly anxious. Lately, I developed what seems symptoms of anxiety disorder

I'm so ready to close this chapter of my life and move to a new one, a much happier one.

moth

awwwww, that is very sad. I'm sorry that your relationship is so stressed. I hope you are able to see a counsellor and express these feelings safely to someone. There may be many reasons why she is the way she is, but ultimately, you cannot change her; you can only change your own response to her. And no matter her reasons, it doesn't change the fact that it is making things difficult for you and hurting you. I'm sorry you're hurting.