Just diagnosed and need to talk

RoseMHales

I was told on April11 I was told I have breast cancer. On June 5 I go for a double mastectomy. I am feeling alone and no can help or talk to me. No one has talk to me!!. I am so scared and to know I will not have breast anymore is more scary. I wish I could stop all this, but they said if I wait 6 months it is at a point of no return. I have lived with this since I was 17 and had 11 surgeries and 14 tumors removed. I have asked to stop this over all the years. Now there is no turning around, I am scared. All I have is my husband and he is very supportive. He is a rock. But no one else can understand that after June 5th I will never have breast again. Will I still be a woman?? I am am so scared. I look for someone to talk to but they are not here.

 

RoseMHales

Some one talk to me, please

Salamandra

Hey RoseMHales,

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've been through a lot - more than anyone should have to go through.

I have not been through mastectomy myself, but there are lots of great conversations on the boards here that you might find helpful and meaningful to read.

I will say that I am 100% sure that breasts are not what make you a woman.

JosieO

Hi Rose,

I feel your pain and your fear, and wish I could give you a big hug.

Like Salamandra, I did not have a mastectomy, but there are many posters here who have and have gone ahead to lead very fulfilling lives.

No, having breasts or not does not make you a woman. I’m sure from what you say about your husband that he sees you as very much a woman. Think for a minute of women you know and admire-what qualities do they have?I’ll bet you never thought of breasts as a qualification. I sure don’t.

Resources to talk to:

- ask the nurse at your doctor’s office if your hospital has support groups of cancer patients. Many of the larger hospitals do. They are made up of other cancer patients who have been through what you are experiencing and can share and support. If there is not a nurse navigator, look on the hospital’s website, or even call them. If they have them, they’ll tell you. Breast cancer is usually a well-represented group, often divided by age, etc.

- there is a wonderful group based in Chicago called Imerman Angels. It was started by a young man who had cancer and didn’t want anyone to go through the experience alone. They are international in scope, and cover all types of cancer. The breast cancer team is large. They get some details from you, and then assign you to a “mentor” who serves as a resource for you. Can talk with them as often as you both agree. No cost to you, completely confidential. A wonderful resource.

- I believe the American Cancer Society has a similar group called Cancer Survivor’s Network. Saw them with an info booth at a recent Relay For Life event in my community.

Don’t despair. You are not alone.

Rah2464

Rose, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this but it sounds like with your history it is a wise choice. Are you doing reconstruction? I didn't find the surgery as traumatic as I thought it would be simply because it was a relief to get the cancer out of my body. Recovery time varies by person, but you will be pretty restricted in activity for a few weeks. I had a nipple sparing double mastectomy, direct to implant. So I went into surgery with my real breasts and came out with a new set.

Please reach out to your doctor to see if they have a local support group they can refer you to. It will help immensely to speak with (and see) other women who have gone through the same surgery. Sending you huge hugs.

dtad

Rose...I'm so sorry you have to go through this at such a young age. This disease is just not fair! I'm much older than you so its easier but I do know what it's like to lose your breasts. I don't know where you live but I would like to encourage you to get treated at a major university teaching hospital. I'm a RN and IMO that is where you need to be. I can help you find one if you would lie. I'm here to talk if you need me. You can either do it on the public forum or private message me. The one thing I can promise you is the beginning is the absolute worst part of the journey. Take care.

mustlovepoodles

Rose, I think we all understand. Breast cancer is scary any day. It's all tied up in our sexuality and sensuality. I had a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction in 2017, followed directly by a full hysterectomy. I was totally depressed--I felt like I had turned into a boy. To make it worse, I had lost my hair due to chemo, so I even looked like a boy! My DH could not have been more supportive during this time. At one point I became so dejected about my appearance that I went on an antidepressant for a few months. So, I decided to wear makeup and earrings every day, no matter whether I was going to work or cleaning the house. I dressed nicely as I could, just to make me feel better. I got some prostheses so i looked better in my clothes.

Still, after 2 years of being flat, i was unhappy with my look. I could not get used to being flat. So, I contacted teh Center for Restorative Breast Surgery in New Orleans about getting reconstruction. They have an extremely good reputation and all they do is breast reconstruction, no eyelid lifts, no face lifts. They did reconstruction using my own body fat (DIEP) last August and I am very happy with the results. Do my breasts look like normal breasts? Well, not exactly. T, they look like . But they are nicely shaped and I have pretty cleavage again.

Meow13

My DIEP came out better than the photos I saw. Yes my one side reconstruction looks like an excellent match to my real side. The skin taken from my abdominal area is a perfect match. I was very fortunate. My surgeon was pretty full of himself but hey I don't care about his personality just the end product. You can't believe how much this reconstruction helped my emotional pain of having a mastectomy. My donor area is nice and flat with a clean white line for a scar below bikini line.

Most plastic surgeons I spoke with said I needed to have realistic expectations but the doctor I chose promised results I thought were unachievable but I have to hand it to him kudos.

I guess what I am saying is mastectomy can be horrifying but plastic surgery can fix alot.