Breast Cancer Myths
Comments
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Wow, it's been a long time since I've seen someone refer to bootstraps unironically....
I'll say that the idea that being positive makes a difference for health outcomes is a myth. AFAIK, never been demonstrated in a reliable study, let alone confirmed. Yet I have heard multiple people advise me to stay positive.
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Bootstraps is a term that my father, who had me very late in life, would refer to the dirt road to the mansion. Raised in life, by those that lived through the Great Depression and were later successful. Very optimistic family
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Michelle in corn land,
No this is not a myth rebuttal thread, but bear in mind that some of us, particularly stage IV probably struggle to not see bc as negative. I say this as someone who has had a less difficult time than most with stage IV and has even been denigrated for my positivity. Unfortunately for most stage IV women life will never be the same and it will not get better. All the good attitude and positivity won’t change what metastatic breast cancer does to us, and this is coming from Pollyanna.
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Our bodies know when we are trying to fake them out and that creates tension and is draining. It is unnatural to always be positive. So if you feel like shit one day or one hour acknowledge it. Things ebb and flow in life but take a little longer to flow when we pretend life is peachy when it is not. I think feeling all the emotions is more conducive to healing in general.
So go ahead and be angry or silly. It won't make your cancer come back or stay away
Have a good day...
or not
:-)
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I stayed externally positive through most of my stage 1 cancer. My surgery went well, I had minimal swelling, and little pain. Ditto for a re-excision a month later. Ditto for a radical nephrectomy a month after that (but with a hell of a lot more pain). Ditto for 33 rounds of radiation (ok, with a few hissy fit). Chipper, cheerful, that's me. And on the outside, chipper and cheerful through the PET scan my urologist wanted in early April, and the biopsy I needed in late April. And not so goddamn chipper and cheerful in the weeks since, waiting to find out if I had jumped from a Stage 1 to Stage 4 with kidney cancer - which has a really crappy prognosis. I found out I'm in the clear, but I'll be living from CT to CT every six months for years because it was a grade 4 aggressive monster. Bonus, though, they'll include my boob in the scan. Should that twofer make me chipper and cheerful? And my cheerful, chipper exterior may not be masking a person making funeral plans that I'm scared to share with family, but I know what it's like to do that, if only for a month. And for a while every six months for the next several years. A positive learning experience? Oh, hell no. Not even my first time around with endometrial/uterine cancer eleven years ago. Or my multiple low-grade skin cancers. I'll smile on the outside and carry on, but NOBODY can tell me what to feel on the inside as I wait for another cancer to make its home in me. And NOBODY should tell anyone who has had their life interrupted by this shit disease that they should just buck up and enjoy the experience.
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Hey Alice,
I'm so glad to read that the kidney scare was benign!
I also made funeral plans - actually in between my malignant results and my first oncology appointment. I bought a plot next to my mothers'. On the positive side, I'll still need it eventually, just not as soon as I feared
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exbrnxgl....so sorry. You are exactly the example of someone I had in mind when I took some offense to what Michele in Cortland was saying. It's not about having a positive attitude! Its about dealing with the consequences of this damn disease! I don't think someone with stage one BC can tell someone with stage 4 how they should feel. I just wanted her to respectful of that. What you are going through is not a myth! Its a reality! Good luck. Please reach out to me if you need support or if there is anything else I can do. Best, Diane
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Moderators, while a "like button" would be nice, it would be nowhere as useful as being able to bookmark individual posts. There is so much good information about cancer offered by others and, in many cases, it's impossible to find it again among thousands of posts in this forum. Hope it can be implemented!
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Michele in Cortland...Really? Could you possibly be more insensitive? So dealing with BC is about pulling up your boot straps? Do you really think those with stage 4 would agree with you? I''m really happy you are so successful in life. I just do not see how that relates to BC. Are you saying if you have a positive attitude you won't progress to stage 4? I wonder what family members of those that did not survive the disease would say to that? Actually I can answer that question because I lost my dear cousin to this disease when she was 36. We grew up like sisters. She was diagnosed at 26 and lived a miserable 10 years before dying a horrible death. Interesting enough she was one of the most positive people I have ever met! I tried to be respectful to you when I responded to your first post. However your reaction to others was just so flippant. Please be more considerate of those who were just not as lucky as you.
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Michelle in Cornland, as someone who was diagnosed Stage IV de novo with the most aggressive and deadly form of breast cancer, I too roll my eyes at the positivity bs. One of the most emotionally difficult days since my Dx was when a "survivor" tried to tell me that I should spend time around other "survivors" because it would be so inspiring. She didn't understand that I won't be a survivor, it is going to kill me and while I am truly happy for them, their reality is not mine. I didn't want to smack her in the face with my reality because I know that she needed to believe she had overcome and that all things are possible if only we stay inspired.
Other than my first round of chemo, I've been resistant to everything we've thrown at it for a year now. Week after week, month after month, seeing that concerned look on the faces of my oncologists because nothing is working and pulling myself up by my bootstraps to keep soldiering on. Sure I pretend to be happy and okay around my friends and family because I don't want them to worry, but sometimes when I'm alone the panic swallows me into the darkness before I find my happy place again. My close friends tell me I am the strongest person they know because of how well I'm dealing with it, and if you met me on the street you'd never know anything is wrong. I am an early-stage patient's worst nightmare, a reality you don't want to acknowledge because it's too frightening.
I had to watch my husband break down when the doctor told him to call my family in because he didn't think I'd last 60 days. I watched him struggle to stay strong when I signed my DNR, POLST, and Advance Directive. Instead of planning our retirement together, I have to get things in order for his life without me. The most positive attitude in the world can't change any of it. All it does is help us die with grace and help ease the fears of our friends and family.
Some women get lucky, some women don't, and attitude has nothing to do with it.
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dtad,
Thank you for your understanding. By nature I am an optimist. Due to the fact that I've had an easier time than many stage IV patients, I've been able to maintain a great attitude, but... My life is not better than before bc, the psychological and emotional toll just compound as the years go by, like a timer ticking down to an inevitable conclusion. I believe my positive attitude has helped me cope, but it has not changed the course of my disease. Thank you additionally for pointing how hurtful this is to those of us at stage IV.
Lori CA,
Your post is right on! I was, essentially, stage IV de novo. I know I've been lucky but I would never call myself a survivor so I can relate to your feelings. Positivity and the belief that it will save us at stage IV is an insidious insult to all of us. This also explains why the mods have asked those who are not stage IV not to post on the stage IV threads. It really is difficult for those who have no walked in our shoes to comprehend the toll it takes.It really is a whole different world for us.
Take good care all!
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Adding this from HikingLady
hope there's room for this one—possibly I missed it and someone already contributed this. My friends and family all know someone who's had chemo or had breast cancer, and in every case, they assume that DX and TX are the same for everyone, and will be for me. They would often tell me how I'd feel during chemo "because my friend.." and of course, in fact, there are many DX and many treatment plans, and everyone's body reacts differently, and every possible SE might or might not crop up.... So, each journey is unique. I spent a lot of time explaining this to well-wishers who just assumed that it's a one-size-fits-all story. Each part of my TX had unexpected challenges, and my issues were allon the Maybe list, but not everyone had my particular complications and reactions and healing issues and medication sensitivities and physical reactions.
Thank you All so much for your contributions! Closing the thread for now. We appreciate all you have shared.
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