Estradiol Cream opinions

dblomom

I need to vent for a good minute...I'll apologize in advance for my long winded-ness but I don't know anywhere/anyone else who can understand where I am coming from like those here.

Last week I had my 6 month check up w/ my oncologist. I am 4 years out from dx/treatment and am struggling with the effects of zero hormones. I did chemo (8 rounds), bilateral mastectomy (even though I was told a lumpectomy would've handled my cancer), my margins AND my lymph nodes were clear, I started Tamoxifen right when I was supposed to (Summer 2015) and last year (April 2018), had a complete hysterectomy due to a thickened uterine lining (compliments of Tamoxifen). After my hysterectomy, I switched from Tamoxifen to Anastrazole and have been on it nearly a year and FOR THE MOST PART, have zero side effects. Except some crazy dry mouth and.....my libido. It is non-existent. I don't even remember what it was like to have any desire for intimacy with my husband of +22 years.

Side note: I am in the throws of training for my 3rd 1/2 marathon (April 29). My husband is doing is 1st and I am joining him. Also, I started Weight Watchers right after Thanksgiving (Nov 2018) and have subsequently lost over 20lbs (that I gained compliments of cancer treatment...and my slowing metabolism due to being +40 years old...and the removal of my lady bits....and fatigue caused by cancer treatments...you get my point!). While training for this half, I have developed some joint pain. I don't know if this is because I am older this time around or because of the Anastrazole or because of a very old knee injury from HS that is finally wearing out or a combination of all of the above, but for whatever reason, it is there and can be debilitating at times.

I love, love LOVE my oncologist. She is the perfect balance between being a super smart medical dr as well as making you feel like she is your friend and genuinely cares about your well being outside of her office. Who knew when you were choosing an oncologist that they had to know how to, not only fight cancer and heal you, but also be there for you mentally because we ALL know how draining this can be at times on our mental state! At my dr appt last week, we were discussing life and I brought up my joint pain. She told me to stop my Anastrazole for 1 month, get through my half marathon and then when I start back up on my AI, she was changing the brand (apparently there are options on an AI but on Tamoxifen, it is the only option). During this discussion, we talked about my dry mouth and she asked about "other dryness" (ie: vaginal dryness). I responded with, "oh yeah, EVERYTHING is dry, haha!". She asked how I was dealing with it and when I told her "I just don't...I don't have sex. I mean, I can probably count on 1 hand how many times I've had sex since my hysterectomy (12 months ago)". We talked about quality of life and of course, I started to cry (because I always cry when I am there, mainly because she is just so nice and just "gets" it). She suggested that 1)since I am pretty far out from my dx, 2)have done all of the treatments and opted for the aggressive form (when it was an option) 3)she felt comfortable prescribing a low dose (0.01%) estradiol cream to be used vaginally, 3x/week for several weeks and then taper down to 1x/week, in an effort to "revive" what has occurred (or I should say STOPPED occurring!) in my lady bits.

With all of this said...(here's the point of my post, finally!), I excitedly shared this news with one of my very close friends, who happens to be my cousin, who is more like a sister, who is also a gyn oncology nurse by trade (she practiced 15+ years ago). She immediately went into the "oooh, I don't like this...I've seen so many scary things...you were ER+, why would you take that...that seems so dangerous..." blah blah blah. I immediately became defensive, and my only come-back was "if you were in my shoes, you might feel differently" and "I trust my oncologist" and quickly changed the subject. But it is not uncommon for me to take the opinion of those around me and second guess anything and everything I've spent many hours working on (ie: coming to the conclusion that it is ok for me to take the cream) and change my mind. I mean, I am on the internet, on a board with thousands of strangers, sharing intimate details of my life asking for guidance and opinions so I think you can understand what I mean! But really...I am just angry. I don't know if I am more angry at her for being so vocal, and less sympathetic or more angry at myself for sharing it with her in the 1st place. I understand that it has been shoved down my (and probably yours too) throat to avoid estrogen at all costs and now, it's ok to have this little bit. My oncologist pretty much said that to me word-for word last week. But I also feel like I haven't worked this hard, sacrificed my body, put my family through having to watch me endure all kinds of treatments, procedures and surgeries, to be grateful to be ALIVE just to feel like the shell of a person I once was. I feel like a stripped-down car at the salvage yard; no boobs, no hormones, no uterus or ovaries, no libido, and a lot of times, no personality; at least not the one I used to have.

I guess I am looking for others who have been in a similar situation, researched something, made a conscious decision to go a specific route, only to be criticized by those that think they know better. Once you're living this, you have a different outlook on life! I have learned so much after having been through the last 4+ years; and not ALL of it has been bad. It has caused me to be more patient, more understanding, and before judging someone's situation, to stop and think "you really never truly know" xyz (insert whatever here!). But I have my feelings hurt by her and her decision to try and offer me what she thought was good advice and her opinion when really, I don't want to hear it. And of course when I try and research even more online, it is so overwhelming and I get bombarded with all the options and situations and no one ever has the same thing that you've had/endured.

I finally told her that I could die in a car wreck while out running errands today but that I was still going to get in my car and go run errands! I tried to explain that life is too short and if using 0.01% estrogen cream to try and get my intimate encounters with my (very patient and understanding) husband up to TWO HANDS, that was a risk I was willing to take. But since then, I've started having that negative voice in my head causing me to wonder "am I really willing to take that risk?". Dammit, why is this so hard?

This is probably my longest post ever so if you're still reading, my deepest gratitude for letting me get spew it all out! And if you've skipped all of my spewing and have gone right to this sentence, I really am interested in knowing, have you used the estradiol cream after having hormone + BC and been happy with it? Thank you for your listening ear (ear? or is it eyeball since you've had to read all of this?) and your support and guidance. I gained entrance into a group that I never wanted to join but had I known it was full of such kind, uplifting people, I might've not felt quite so bad about my admittance. ♥