my wife has just been diagnosed

jackpeter

hello I am new to this
forum. I have a problem- my wife has been diagnosed not long ago , but she
doesnt want me to help her, and she alwlays goes to the doctor alone. Any tips
what to do ?

Thanks in advance

Jack Peter

NoteRed

Hello jackpeter, sorry I find both of you at this situation. I also go to the doctors alone (without my husband). is a matter of every person's character I think. I also go to my scans alone. Try to be near every time as she wants you. I know its difficult for you too...when you see her more relaxed ask her about her visit, her diagnosis etc...

Ingerp

Definitely follow her lead. It'd drive me nuts to have my husband at all of my appointments. He went to one appt with my breast surgeon (when I got the dx and learned about treatment options) and the first one with my medical oncologist, but other than that I'm much happier being by myself.

Runrcrb

as mentioned, follow her lead. My husband was in the hospital during the two months that i was managing consults and diagnosis. Doubt I would have wanted him at every appointment any way. While i took a friend to consults for note taking, i went to all tests, all chemo and radiation solo - would not have wanted it any other way.

Be there when she is ready to talk as she may want to talk through treatment options. And if you have questions ask her.

Salamandra

Maybe there are chores or tasks that she normally does but that you can pick up? Maybe reading here and finding your own support so that if she wants to talk with you about stuff you can really be there for her and not leaning on her to help you with your emotions about it? Maybe offering her even more space if she thinks it would be helpful, like a weekend away or a retreat at home while you take the kids away for the weekend?

It's really about following her lead and her needs. You know her much better than we do.