Psycho Oncologist psycho

rubyredslippers

Hello, whilst going through treatment for a recurrance in 2017, I was seeing a psycho oncologist. During one of our initial talks she said at the end of the session "this is going to come back". I mentioned this to my radiation oncologist in terms of my outlook. He told me that she'd slipped up and of course no one knows if it will come back etc. When I saw her next and queried why she had said that, she initially went red in the face and then denied that is what she'd said and said that she had actually said "this will probably come back".

Of course that made me second guess myself, especially in terms of the stress I was under and memory problems etc. Although I do believe that what she said was "this will come back".

Later down the track, we were discussing my fears about my home in the process of being sold. We began to have a bit of a joke about how I could turn off prospective buyers, silly things like creeking noises in the house etc. She then said "tell them that everyone that lives here dies of cancer". This was not just about me, but my dad had lived in the house next door (I lived on the family farm) and he had died from brain cancer a couple of years earlier that she was aware of. When I told my friends about this, they were all shocked and told me not to go back to her. I did go back and told her I was angry that she had said that, and she made a heartfelt apology saying she was genuinely sorry.

I feel that due to this comment - which shocked me - I now cannot accept that I can possibly survive this, and it's just a matter of time. I've since discovered that nothing that I said to her was kept confidential, so I feel quite angry that she has said this to me and I've kept it quiet, but I don't know what I should do.

Any suggestions on firstly someone in her position saying this, and secondly what would you do? This was said to me about 12 months ago.

Thanks

gb2115

First, is she still your oncologist? If yes, consider finding a new one. A complaint like that probably should be stated to whoever manages the practice. Obviously her attempt to joke about your house was in poor taste, but it's not breaking any rules. If you have proof that she violated confidentiality, I would let her practice know and see how they handle it before doing anything else.

rubyredslippers

I no longer see her. She is not an oncologist, she's a psychologist who supposedly specialises in counselling patients and families of patients, going through cancer. That's especially why I am shocked she said this to me.

Cowgirl13

She shouldn't be practicing. I can't believe it.

rubyredslippers

I agree. I saw her a few more times after this as I had accepted her apology. However I've always got this at the back of my mind and I also feel angry now that I do not believe that she has maintained any level of confidentiality with me in terms of other staff that work at this place. I feel that if I complain after all this time, she'll deny it like she did the first time.

TB90

Ruby: This is simply unacceptable. She had a professional registration based upon her qualifications as do all medical personnel and therapists. You can find out her registration number from her employer and place a written complaint. They will take this very seriously and should provide you with services to overcome the trauma she caused you. I am so sorry you experienced this.

Cowgirl13

I completely agree with TB90. And I'd dump her now. I don't think she can be honest with you.

Lillo57

Please do not let something that was said by such an incompetent, insensitive and poor excuse for a therapist keep you from living your life. She knows nothing about your future. Don’t let her have that power over you

mtaylor0083

Hey Ruby, I personally suggest you to file a complaint against this kind of physician. She don't have right to violate confidentiality of the patients.

NancyHB

I am so sorry for your experience with this so-called “professional”. You trusted her with your very being and she betrayed you on multiple levels. I’m glad you’ve moved on and hope your new therapist is aware of and can help you work through this horrible experience.

By law, any mental health professional in practice must adhere to certain ethics standards to have, maintain, and keep their professional license (and ability to work with clients). Confidentiality is of the highest importance. The relationship you have is built entirely on trust, and breaking confidentiality is a betrayal of that trust. Your therapist had no right to share your story with anyone outside of your sessions, unless at your direction and with your permission. That is an actionable offense that could result in the loss of her license. A year is not too long at all; please consider reporting her for that betrayal so she is held accountable for what she’s done to you, and so she doesn’t continue to put other patients’ well-being at risk as well.

For someone who counsels cancer patients and their families to make jokes - of any nature - is unconscionable and unprofessional. She’s overstepping boundaries and good practice by saying “it will come back”, setting you up for second-guessing and, frankly, secondary trauma. To then further joke about the history of your home continues the trauma. I would expect greater sensitivity from some in this specialized position, and have to wonder if she’s dealing with some trauma of her own (not that that’s an excuse). Again- please consider reporting this as well, and asking for help in dealing with the fall-out of her actions on your current well-being.

When I became licensed (SW) I was encouraged to counsel cancer patients because my own experiences could lend to empathy and understanding. I had enough of my own stuff to deal with that I didn’t want to risk harming others and so moved on to something else. My DH is also a licensed mental health professional and refuses to enter this particular realm of practice for the same reasons. These sorts of stories strike a particularly sensitive nerve with me, so I apologize if I seem a tad overzealous in my response.

Please let us know how you’re getting on

gb2115

Is she an MD?

rubyredslippers

thanks everyone. No she’s not an md gn2115. Nancy he, thank you, in your opinion what would be behind this comment? It’s shocking coming from someone in her pi

NancyHB

I really can’t hazard as guess as to why she’d make such comments. Hopefully she’s taken your feedback and used it to better inform her interactions with her patients

CaliKelly

Oh!I',I'm so mad I can't believe a so called mental health professional would say such stupid ,insensitive, untrue, hurtful, unprofessional, I can go on and on! Do not take her uneducated words as fact! She can't possibly know if your cancer will ever come back, no one can know for sure!, I was diagnosed at stage 3C and none of my doctors, or me, have ever thought or said such things! I'm living my life as though I am cancer free, now and in future. Its never occurred to me that I might die of this disease. If I do, then I was wrong, but I still lived a happier life, thinking my way! Forget her! I'd tell her, she's in the wrong profession and has no right to be counseling women with cancer! Outrageous!Please dont let her words frighten you. She is ignorant!!!All my best wishes to you!,!🧡💙💚💛

Cowgirl13

I think she is perhaps an impaired healthcare professional and that this will escalate with future patients unless the underlying issue is dealt with. My guess is that she could be bipolar and is either undiagnosed or has been diagnosed and needing a medication adjustment. If this is the case, she will not be able to stop what she is doing.

The most helpful action you could take would be to report her to her licensing board. She will then be forced to face this issue and therefore have the chance to address this.

LaughingGull

Sorry this happened to you. She sounds unprofessional, callous. Hard to believe she is any kind of professional licensed to deal with mental health issues of cancer patients. I agree that you should report her -cancer patients are vulnerable. Does this center have some patient satisfaction surveys or things like that? That could be a way to start.

DivineMrsM

At the very least, file a complaint. Someone higher up should know about your experience and should follow up with you about your concerns. Others may have filed complaints about her, and if enough people do so, action against her should be taken. Also, look to see if you can give her services a review online and let the general public know this woman doesn’t behave professionally.

And try another therapist.

rubyredslippers

thank you everyone for your helpful advice. I'm following this up I'll let you know the outcome shor

rubyredslippers

CaliKelly - thank you for your beautiful words - but the damage has been done. I think about this all the time due to her comments.