It’s official

Mumoftwo416

So, I just got the phone call today and it’s official. I’m part of the club. Even though I pretty much knew after my mammogram and ultrasound, it’s still a blow having it confirmed.

I still don’t know any details. I have an appointment on Tuesday where I hope to find out more. In the meantime, I’ve gone from hoping it’s not cancer to hoping it hasn’t spread. Because mine is so big, they’ve said I need a CT scan. They’re doing a bone scan too. Here I thought I would feel better once I had some answers, but now it just seems like there are more quesions.

I haven’t told my kids yet. I feel like I need time to digest it myself first. Meanwhile, I can’t seem to bring myself to eat and my mind keeps going to the worst.

I’m so grateful to have found this site.

Toyamjj

Im sorry, I was diagnosed right after Christmas, fast forward to today and I'm halfway through radiation. You will get through this but I will say telling the kids was the hardest part for me. Ages 19 and 16, I actually waited till a few days before having the lumpectomy, I was such a wimp but knew they needed to know.

Good luck!

Wigging2000

hi, mumoftwo!

Well it’s a lousy club to join for sure, but there are some strong women here who will help you get through this. It helped me to try and focus on one step at a time when I was going through diagnosis. Try not to think much past Tuesday. There will be lots of hurry up and have this test and that test and then wait again for the next few weeks. It is HARD but you can get through it. Once you have a plan you will likely feel so much better. Your feelings right now are so normal. I felt the same way.

Stay off google and stay right here with the people who will support you and tell you the truth. Hugs.

Mumoftwo416

Toyamjj, my kids are 11 and 13, and yes, telling them is what I am dreading most. I'm going to wait until I have a surgery date, I think. They're already suspicious though. They know something is up

santabarbarian

I just want to let you know.... I had a huge tumor AND a huge/ cancerous lymph node, back in July 2018. They gave me MRI & scans too... luckily nothing further was discovered, and my treatment went incredibly well, and now I am cancer free. Take it one step at a time and I hope you have clear scans and a swift effective treatment.

I think it's wise to wrap your own head around the diagnosis and treatment plan, prior to telling your kids.

Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

JosieO

Mumoftwo416,

I’m sorry for your news, but know that you are not alone. Getting the official diagnosis will let you learn the specifics, treatment options, and a timeline. Like so many people here, I was very distraught while I was waiting for my testing, and once I too was “official” I started to focus on the facts of my diagnosis as a treatment plan began to take shape. A few suggestions:

1) hold off on telling your children until you have the specifics and a treatment plan. You may not yet have the answers to their questions, and if you don’t it might cause unnecessary fear and anxiety.

2) if you can, take someone you trust to your appointment with you. The other person can listen, may have questions that you didn’t think about, and will serve as a second set of eyes/ears.

3) take good notes and be sure to follow up if after your appointment you still have questions or you don’t remember something said to you. A good doctor understands and expects this.

4) if you need to, by all means seek out a second opinion. Again, good doctors expect and are not fearful of this.

A year ago I was where you are now. Today I have finished all of my treatments, have an outstanding medical team, and feel great. You’ll get there also-know that without doubt.

We’re here for you. Best wishes for a good appointment.

KBeee

My kids were 9, 11, and 14. I was honest every step of the way. I let them know I would still come to their events, get them where they needed to be, etc. they took it in stride. I gave them a couple things they could do to help during chemo and they rose to the occasion. They appreciated feeling that they were helping...I think it helps give them a sense of control in a situation they have little control over

momand2kids

Not sure how old your kids are--mine were 7 & 12-- we gave them the info that they needed to know-- and kept their schedules (school, activities) etc going so their lives were not disrupted by my treatment (chemo and radiation) schedule--I worked all through treatment so in many ways life went on as they knew it--they take their cues from you--- my prognosis was good-- so we said that-- when I ended radiation, we brought them to see the techs and the equipment-- but other than that- they just lived their lives. One interesting fact, when my h told them, my 7 year old reminded him that there were 3 kids in her class with some sort of cancer- and the 12 year old had a number of friends who had parents with some sort of cancer. Kids see cancer differently- as an illness that can be cured---- because they see that all around them.

Good luck--it really does get easier.

TB90

Mumoftwo416: This is such a difficult time and as women and mothers, we never have the luxury of being able to worry only about ourselves, even for a moment. And it is also a confusing time as there are never definitive or right answers to anything. What I do wish to share with you is that children, even very young children, are very intune to how their mothers are doing. Makes sense, they depend upon us for everything. And they have egocentric personalities and tremendous imaginations. So while you believe you are protecting them, they are worried and fearing the worst. They don't need to hear the details you do not yet have. They just need to hear that you will be here for them. And you will be. Just like you are right now, always putting them first. You will continue to do that for the rest of your life. That's all they need to hear. If they ask if you are going to die, let them know you have no plans to leave them for a very long time. Children want reassurance, not the details of a disease they know nothing about. Then they can learn bits as you do. Having said all of this, you also need to feel that you can do this. If you are completely unable to hold it together a little bit, and it is completely understandable if you are, then they will not be able to trust your words. Tears are ok, but you know yourself better than anyone and your children. Waiting till you know more and are better able to do this is ok too. We can only do what we can do. So either way. One minute at a time will turn into one day at a time and then three months at a time and onward. Your family will get through this together.

DaisyK

Mumoftwo416, I was just diagnosed also, I haven't posted a greeting here yet. Your story is very similar to mine, I just had to reply. I have a large tumor also and at least one lymph node is involved as it showed up on ultrasound and was biopsied along with my lump. I too am going for Cat scan and bone scan this week. I don't know much else yet. Prayers for you in the meantime. I get the difficulty of telling your children. My daughter is older, she's 20 but it was still heart wrenching to tell her. 

edwards750

There is no painless way to tell your children. Mine were older too but still upset just the same and more aware of what a cancer DX meant esp my youngest son. His BFF’s brother has cancer so he had already gone through the tests, etc with his friend. Btw his friend’s brother is doing fine.

He did have ameltdown before my surgery. He wanted to skip school - college- the day of my surgery but we told him it was okay Dad would be there with me so he called from school when the surgery was over.

Since then one of his friend’s mother died from BC at 53. She had TNBC. She suffered through 2 years of treatments that didn’t work and the cancer kept coming back. It was incredibly sad.

I did keep my game face on as much as I could and directed all my fears and tears to my sister and friends. I’ve always been the strong one but also the most emotional one as well. Once I went through the process I texted him when I got the all clear from my annual mammograms. Needless to say he’s still scared and so am I when it comes time for my yearly mammogram. I don’t think that fear factor will ever go away despite the fact I will be 8 years out in August God willing.

So good luck. You can do this. We are proof of that.

Diane

Mumoftwo416

Thank you for the supportive words, everyone. I have slowly been telling friends over the past week and I think that I will probably tell my kids tomorrow, armed with whatever info I get at my appointment.

DaisyK, thanks for posting. I hope that your scans go well this week. I have my bone scan booked for tomorrow, but I still haven’t heard back re my CT scan. I just want all the information now so I can figure out what I’m dealing with. I’m not even sure how much info they will have for me tomorrow. I’m trying to take things one day at a time, but the waiting is excruciating