At lost...

Aisha17

Hi...I'm Aiza and I don't know if it's ok to for me to post here coz I'm an Asian but I don't know where to go and I want someone to talk to...I am 32 and I'm single. I am recently diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer,I'm currently working abroad,far away from my family. Actually I don't really know anything about my cancer I started to go to doctor last January when I fell a lump in my right breast now after 3mos I finished all the test,biopsy CT scan, mammogram,MRI bone scan all of it but I'm at lost coz I don't really know what my result was all I know is what I have is cancer ,i have a appointment with an oncologist next sunday being in the foreign land and doing all my test for free I just go with the flow,I can't tell my family back home about my cancer I'm a bread winner,my father died,my mother has HB,my sister is single and I'm supporting her for her studies along with her son,if I go back home I don't know where will I get money for my treatment but I feeling so depressed and always tired because I have to work even though I'm sick...I don't know what is best for me now,stay here and go with the treatment alone or go back home not sure if I'm going to have a treatment but I can be with my family...sorry if it's so long just want to let it all out...thanks...

FrenchPorsche

hi Aiza. I don’t know where in the world you are but hopefully there is a counselling or advice service attached to the hospital you are attending. It seems to be the case where I am. Maybe you can ask your oncologist to refer you and then you can talk to someone for advice on your situation. They may even have a local support group you can join.

You must be feeling so worried and alone in this scary situation. I hope you can find some help. In the meantime this forum seems to be very friendly with lots of women going through this and able to offer advice.

X

Alicethecat2

Hello Aiza

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You sound like a really lovely person. Helping family is a wonderful thing to do.

This is a challenging situation, no doubt, and there isn't any right or wrong answer...and it depends on your own analysis of your circumstances but if you can get 'free' treatment (we usually pay via taxes) as well as tests it might be worth considering...Sometimes in life, you have to put yourself first for a bit...

Thinking of you and hoping for the best for you

Alice, a Stage 2 survivor of seven years

Aisha17

Thank you...but if ever they have I think I can't go there coz I still need to continue to work...😥😥

Aisha17

Thank you so much...

edwards750

So sorry Aisha. We all know how scary and exhausting a BC DX is. Bless your heart supporting your family is such an awesome and unselfish thing to do.

You are caught between a rock and a hard place it seems butin my opinion right now you have to take care of you. I agree about asking your oncologist if there is a social worker or patient advocate who can help you. I had s patient advocate who was great.

You need to have all the support you can get and since you can’t have your family with you maybe there is a support group at the hospital. We have one at our church. Joining it was very helpful.

We are here for you too. I am a almost 8 year Stage 1b survivor.

Keep the faith and keep us posted.

Diane

msphil

sweetie it doesn't matter what nationality ethnicity cancer doesnt go by that we are here to listen and help if we can. But I believe you need to think of yourself cause you won't be able to help anyone without treatment. Its your decision but think of yourself first. Once you get a treatment plan things will ease up. Take care of yourself I try to spread Inspiration to others cause I be live in still here for that reason. I'm a 25yr Survivor Praise God this yr. Positive thinking and Hope and Family . msphil idc stage2 0/3 nodes 3mo chemo before and after Lmast got married then 7wks rads and 5yrs on Tamoxifen.

blah333

Are you saying that you are in a position that if the company you are working for found out you have cancer you could lose the job? That seems unlikely.. unless you are in some strange contract position? This diagnosis is very important and you should eventually be honest with your family. Would your sister want you to keep bearing all of the work and live off your money if she knew you had cancer? I assume she is an adult if she has a son, can she not work at all? If your family leans so hard on you, I'm sorry but when you are diagnosed with cancer you should be able to lean back on them.

32 is young. I was 35..... I would wait until your next appointment so you can gather more information about your situation. There will be treatment of some kind... surgery, it could also include radiation, chemotherapy, and/or hormonal drugs. A lot of women work through various stages of their treatment but some time off will be necessary.

There are other women out there with no family that undertake treatment alone. Hopefully one of them chimes in. Healthcare can be very expensive. I would stay put for now and see what treatment will require.. But it would not be a good idea to keep this secret from your family for a long time. They care about you and would want to know. You have a bit of time to figure out logistics, remember you don't need to decide TODAY what to do.

In the meant time relax and try to do something you enjoy or have a nice moment each day for yourself. This sounds very stressful and you need to be kind to yourself while you sort out what to do and what you have to deal with.

Salamandra

It all sounds super overwhelming and scary. I think it would be really helpful for you to have some support on this.

That could be a local social worker from the cancer center where you're being treated. That could be a remote social worker from a breast cancer advocacy organization online. It could be a friend nearby who has a sensible head and kind heart. It could be a friend far away who is easy to communicate with on Skype/FT.

There *is* support available, I'm sure, and if you tell us more about where you are, some of *us* might be able to help find it. Not that you couldn't on your own, just that it's nice not to have to.

The kinds of decisions you have to make I think would benefit from having someone else in the room. You can think out loud to them. They can help make pro/con lists and charts. They can reflect your words back to you and help you clarify your thinking. They can suggest other options or compromises you may not have thought of.

If a friend, it doesn't necessarily have to be someone you already consider a close friend. Some people are really good in a time of need, they shine and are happy to use their strengths to help others, even if you weren't especially close before.

It sounds like you will need some more information to make your best decision. Things like understanding your protections at work, your health care options where you are and in your home country and their costs, the career impact of whatever choice you make, the immigration impacts of whatever choice you make, etc. Many of those things could be researched, at least preliminarily, by someone else other than you.

But most of all, you WILL find a way, and you WILL manage. Some things will probably have to slide for a while. That's life. None of us can hold everything up all the time. Sometimes acknowledging and working with our weaknesses is the strongest possible thing to do.

Being a breadwinner for your family adds a layer of stress for sure. I do agree though that it might mean you have to prioritize your own physical and emotional and mental health to be best able to contribute to your family over the long term. I think you will do much more good for them by being there over the long term, even if it's a time of struggle for them now. Hopefully they can be resourceful to find other temporary sources of help and support, and you or your own support network may even be able to help with that.

Sending many hugs

I did deal with my breast cancer independently - basically just friends for help and support - but I was not actually responsible for anyone else but me (my co-mother whom I'd been responsible for had just died of her long term chronic dementia the previous spring) , which I know helped a lot. So I haven't been in your shoes exactly. But I have an inkling of the burden of being alone and being a caretaker. It is really hard.

You are doing something really hard that very few people have done or can even honestly wrap their heads around. Get whatever help you can, don't judge yourself negatively for *anything*, and do what you need to do to keep putting one foot in front of the order.

sweetp6217

Aisha17: I agree with the above comments. Your treatment options can dictate some of the limitations that may lay ahead of you. Hopefully, you'll post that so that we can try to describe our experiences if they are even close. For example, when I was informed of my treatment plan, I was personally told that some take the entire 4 months off for chemo, and told me that I could work, which I did. Side effects that I experienced made me thankful that I had a seldom used bathroom steps away from me at work. I also took a total of 2 & 1/2 days off when I got dehydrated and too sick to work. Also, I had the choice of having all out surgery or lumpectomies, I chose the latter. That way, I was able to get back to work the next week. Looking back, I really wish I had had the luxury of staying home longer, but I would not have been paid at all for the time off.

Having said all that, everyone's diagnosis and treatments are different so please see this as just my experience (which lasted about a year, more or less).

P.S. After having been through all of that, I don't fear things as much as I used to, by a long shot.

Jumpship

Aisha-thinking of you. This is a great place to learn and find support. Cancer care in New York also does phone calls for short term counseling. For free. Being the bread winner and fighting cancer can be done but try to rest when you can

Aisha17

Thank you so much...today I had a first meeting with my oncologist,while in the hospital it seems God help me to make a decision..I meet someone who is also like me,she was diagnosed 3yrs ago,she told me everything about what she went through,she is like me(Filipino),working abroad(Saudi Arabia),when she was diagnosed she also didn't tell her family,she stays here and continue the treatment and she made it...now she just come every 6mos for check up...I'm very grateful coz I know I will never be alone in fighting...

Rhiannon061

Hi Aiza! I’m glad you found someone you can relate and talk to that understands and has been through it. I hope you keep coming here to talk and just let things out when you need to as it has helped me tremendously. I learned a lot and everyone here is so strong and encouraging. I too am Filipino, diagnosed with Stage ll breast cancer at 34. It’s definitely a shock and I took it hard the first few months until my surgery and treatment plan were finally set in place. Please know it’s normal to feel angry, sad, guilty, confused etc. this whole journey is such an emotional roller coaster. If you need someone to talk to also, I suggest asking your Oncologist to refer you to a therapist as well as coming here or even finding a support group with women who’ve gone thru/going thru this. I just finished active treatment on March 19th and am now on hormonal treatment (Tamoxifen &Zoladex) for the next 10 years as I am considered high risk. Please keep us updated on how you’re doing. We’re all here for you xoxo

Hope2019

Hi Aisha. I got the call on March 28th, about 4 weeks ago. DCIS. I'm scheduled for surgery next Wednesday for a lumpectomy. I had to see a therapist yesterday, because I was feeling my life was out of control. I work in a very stressful financial call center and I'm taking calls all day from upset customers. Now imagine talking to upset customers and being very stressed and upset yourself. My therapist is taking me out of work for emotional stress for now. This is the only BBC way I was going to keep my job. I am so depressed that I kept taking sick days, family medical days and was not able to perform my work tasks at my best. I really recommend you see a therapist to help with the emotions.

Also. I have been getting copies of all of my test reports and all of my doctors office notes. I also got a second opinion and will be having surgery by the second surgeon. The first surgeon rushed me through the office visit and rushed me into schedule surgery. He also did not answer my questions. This week I received the pre certification from Aetna insurance and found out he was going to insert a breast implant in me. And I did not know that. Imagine me coming out of surgery with breast implant, that I did not know about. Sorry. You are go in no through this. God Bless!

Vslush

Hi Aisha,

You have been given great advice from others, so I really have nothing to add. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this. Please know there is always someone here day/night whenever you have a question or need support.

Wishing you well,

Vickki

edwards750

Hope - my BS ordered a port prior to my lumpectomy surgery because he was convinced I would need chemo because I had s micromet in my SN. To say he was premature and not authorized to do so would be an understatement. He does the surgery - my MO decides the treatment. She ordered the Oncotype test for me thank goodness. My score was 11. No chemo. I didn’t know the port had been ordered until the hospital called to confirm my surgery date.

Diane