I am super extra cranky today.

kber

Seriously, zero reserves.  Things that I find normally enjoyable are "meh".  Things that are normally meh are annoying the crap out of me.  I'm pretty sure this is temporary and until I refill my tank, I think I'll just avoid humanity because even the people I like suck today.

I could probably come up with a list of stuff that's getting under my skin and why, but in reality it all comes down to the fact that I am sick of having cancer.  I'm sick of chemo, sick of the SEs, sick of the medications I need to take to mitigate the SEs, and sick of those meds' SEs too.  

This grand adventure in introspection, self discovery and supposedly finding "strength and reserves I didn't know I had" is so tired and old and can't I just skip to the end already?  

/Stomps feet and hold breath/

Ingerp

We are ALL entitled to our crankiness. Embrace it. Stomp your feet all you want. But please don't hold your breath for *too* long. I bet you feel a little better tomorrow.

kber

Ingerp - I honestly felt better the moment I hit the "submit" button.  One of the magical things about this site. 

Sometimes just saying out loud (or typing it and sending it out to the universe) is very helpful.  

Thanks for responding!

Beaverntx

kber, hang in there, it is an up and down ride!! Vent as needed. Interesting how venting here helps, but then we know we will be understood. Even my most supportive family and friends do not really understand. So stomp away, and as Ingerp says, careful with the breath holding!!

santabarbarian

kber I remember feeling exactly like that.

Turning down a friend's offer to visit, and asking for a raincheck till after chemo, I said, "I'm just not interested in you or in me right now."

kber

On the other hand, we are dog sitting for what I swear is the ugliest mutt I’ve ever seen, but he’s genuinely endearing and I’m enjoying his company. So there’s that 🙂

Our boxer passed away about a year ago and getting another dog is one of the many “after cancer” things we are putting off, so it’s nice to get my puppy fix in, even temporarily.

kber

Santabarbarian, you nailed it. I feel like I have very narrow horizons right now, out of necessity. Out of a survival instinct, I’m hunkering down until this is over.

I have 5 more weeks / sessions, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, almost.

Ingerp

kber look at puppies or rescue dogs or anything that might make you smile. You never know—you might end up with a new little buddy. ;-)

kber

All of our critters have been rescue babies and I’m totally on board, but not quite yet.

santabarbarian

I adopted two kittens a few days after my 5th of 6 chemos. Best move I ever made. They brought so much laughter and joy with them! The antidote to chemo!!

DesertPup

I am right there with you!! My cranky level has been at an 11 the whole week. I'm tired, fat, my foobs feel like bricks and I'm just so uncomfortable in my body. I cry at everything, been eating like shit, can't seem to look forward to much and am just blah...I made an appointment with a naturopath I had seen years ago who really helped me so I'm hopeful that will get me back on track. Hang in there

kber

You hang in there, too!

FWIW, I have decided to reframe my crankiness as being assertive about my emotional needs and anyone who can't deal can go pound sand. So there!

DesertPup

Yay!! That makes perfect sense and good for you. I have to tell my boss I need to keep working from home part of the week and I'm pissed that I even have to have anxiety about it. My health is way more important that his issues. He's super controlling and likes everyone in the office. But my radiation is kicking my ass and it helps to do all my work in my pajamas and dirty hair.

kber

Think about applying for “reasonable accommodation “ under the Americans with disabilities act. Do you have competent HR? If so, they can guide you. Your Accommodation request should be to be able to work from home part time as driving while fatigued is exhausting and dangerous. You’ll need your doc to sign off on it.

Also, if you have a compromised immune system, that’s potentially another reason to limit your office time.