Worried sick about my wife and how to keep it all together

dadof3ohio

I sit here typing this trying to fight back tears. My wife of 19 years is my everything and the fact that we just got back from a biopsy at Ohio State Breast Clinic has started to really gut me. I have three kids and I just can't imagine living my life without her. There's a guilt I'm fighting back as she started getting dense breasts after she stopped breastfeeding our son (almost 3 now). We went last year and after a mamo (she had just turned 40) and ultrasound they said it was just density. We followed up with Ohio State Breast Clinic who also did more imaging and felt that diagnosis was right. We did that in August of this past year. She went back a week ago and they had her through every imaging test possible. Her right breast has become hard from the density and her other breast is not. The nurse practitioner was amazing and just kept saying while your imaging looks right your right nipple seems to be retracting and we should do an MRI. The MRI imagery shows a 12.9 area of density that they are concerned about and a borderline enlarged lymph node. Today during the biopsy she said they mentioned making sure to sample near "the foot." None of this sounds good and I'm really swirling. What if it's a later stage cancer? How do I stay strong? I've got big shoulders but this hill is scaring the crap out of me. This is my first post and I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I would trade spaces with my wife in a heart beat.

Moderators

Hi dad,

First of all, take a deep breath. We know this is all very scary and overwhelming, but until you have answers, try to remain calm and positive. 80% of lumps that end up getting a biopsy turn out to be benign, so that should help put you a little at ease. (https://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/biopsy)

And know that we are all here for you, if it does turn out to be something. Know that breast cancer treatments have come a long, long way, and even with advanced cancers, many are still treated and living long, fulfilling lives. So, don't get ahead of yourself. Take one step at a time, and be there for your wife as you navigate this together. We're all here for you in the meantime and sending our positive thoughts that this all turns out to be nothing to worry about!

Please keep us posted with what you find out!

--The Mods

Salamandra

Hey dad,

It's really hard waiting and not knowing. I'd reiterate what the mods said, the vast majority of biopsies come back benign. Doctors are being prudent. Also with your wife having breastfed so recently, it's that much more likely that it's related to something hormonal or mechanical like a blocked duct.

There's also many things that can lead to a lymph node swelling that are not cancer, even when a woman actually does have breast cancer. Even if it is cancer, it doesn't mean it's spread to the lymph node. And even if it has spread to the lymph node, that doesn't mean it's not early stage, treatable, excellent prognosis.

The time waiting for the results feels like forever. I half convinced myself I had metastasized cancer when all along I had classic stage I. I actually bought my burial plot (I'll need it eventually, right?). But one way or another it'll be over before long and you'll either be able to put it behind you completely or actually deal with a concrete reality.