Your new normal...What is it?

ctmbsikia

So many women with some degree of PTSD I think.  I try my best to remain focused on living life and not worrying about anything until it happens.  Easier said than done, right?   Yesterday I had to talk myself back off the worry ledge as I saw my left breast was red in a few spots after my shower.  Was that always there?  I don't think so.  How long has it looked like that?  I don't know, there are somedays I lotion up get dressed without even noticing or inspecting both sides.  I do check myself often though.  Hmmmm, off I go with my day, running a few errands, and I finally calmed and decided I have injured myself exercising.  It's a bruise. Not a normal looking bruise, red like blood rushing to the skin, maybe it will change color?  I don't remember hitting it during class, but surely I could have.  I do recall have some pain during class.  I mean there is 20 to 30% of my breast missing so by lifting weights I believe either I have aggravated all that scar tissue in there, or again, possibly hit it.

This is my new normal, slight to moderate panic to I'm 98.9% sure I figured it out.  Of course if it's not better in a few days I'll ask a nurse or NP to look at it.  Also thinking maybe should skip class this week?  Then,  I have recurring skin rashes.  Don't think they are too worrisome, but now one never knows. I keep neosporine and cortisone in business.  I plan to address 1st with my GP which is next appt. coming up (after the dreaded colonoscopy next week!), and I've already looked up the dermatologist's that are affiliated (employed) with Penn Med, that office is under 1 hr. away. if I need to go there.   It might be wise to stay in the network even if not related at all.

Feel free to use this as a place for us to help one another off the ledge!!  Thanks for listening.

Castigame

I have had  sensitive skin and even before BC due to thyroid med, I even  get huge rash probably once a year.  yes those small red spots appear which makes me nervous always.  I force myself to  go to sleep and as soon as I get  up and  they are gone.   Once the BC bomb hits you, one cannot help it.  

yes all doctors appointments I hate them with every fiber in my body..   I ain't got time or money for that. I want to stay the hell away from all doctors.    had colonoscopy and   Semi annual check up coming in a few days and I will meet $4400 deductible and it is only the end of March.   I would rather blow the $4400 deductible on booze or designer handbag. 

gb2115

I am always having to talk myself off a worry ledge....like all of the time. I was like that before cancer, and having cancer certainly didn't help. I'm dealing with medication side effects and a concurrent knee injury. It's a difficult time.

AliceBastable

I've been coping pretty well, or so I thought, until recently. My BC last year was a straightforward one, lumpectomy + radiation + Tamoxifen, no complications. I had a nephrectomy for kidney cancer, which was a more invasive surgery with a longer recovery and a lot of pain, but I just squeaked by without chemo on that one, so I was determined to put everything behind me after I got through a slew of follow-up appointments in January. The urologist scheduled me for a PET scan in early April, which seemed overkill to me, but fine, I'll do it and then move on. Then I had an appointment with my PCP in late January, and due to their archaic computer system and her negligence in checking emails from my other doctors, she proceeded to freak out over all my diagnoses and act like they were current, untreated problems. So I basically had to re-live several months of crap in a half hour, and my mind has not been the same since. And apparently I have what might be another major medical issue that showed on a CT scan from LAST SUMMER (enlarged descending aorta) that the PCP shrieked about but then did absolutely nothing about it in the way of explanation, follow-up, or referral. So I had to look it up on freaking Google and discover I have a future (tomorrow? next month? years from now?) aneurysm to look forward to. So now I have the PET scan that I've started to dread, feeling like I'm living with one foot in Cancerland and the other in normal life, plus trying to replace my PCP in an insurance system with limited choices so I can get appropriate, timely follow-up.

And I made the mistake of googling "multiple primary cancers" and found out that three or more puts me in the medical freak category. Great.

So here I am, a person who HAD cancers, being made to feel like everything is wrong until proven otherwise.

edwards750

Alice - don't let that PCP do that to you. Good grief they are supposed to be the calm and steady ones. Just because she freaked out doesn't necessarily mean there is something to be that concerned about. Some of these doctors need a crash course in sensitivity. She is a PCP not an oncologist.

I went to a clinic a few years ago because my back was hurting a bit. I had been lifting my 2 grandsons a lot so I thought it was from that.,Anyway they did a pneumonia test? which was negative and then a chest X-ray. The tech doing the X-ray was a moron. She kept saying my underwire bra was interfering with the X-ray. I didn't have one on.

Then the PA freaked out when she saw all these lung nodules on the X-ray and told me I needed to go back to the cancer clinic where I had treatment ASAP. I told her I had had 33 radiation treatments. She said it could be scar tissue but she was still exercised over the lung nodules. I said I would wait for the radiologist report. She said he would agree with her. He didn't. The radiologist reported No reason to panic the X-ray was fine.

So you never know but the expertise is with your oncologist. When I was going through the cancer clinic my MO said if I had a recurring problem for more than 2 weeks come back to her and under no circumstances get treated by my PCP.

I don't blame you -time to change PCPs.

Diane

AliceBastable

Diane, I'd like to slap my soon-to-be ex-PCP for messing with my head like this. I'm not usually a worrier, and I got through all of last year (which also included my Mom's death and having all my upper teeth pulled) without going crazy, but I seem to be having a forced delayed reaction to it all, when I wanted to get on with "normal." I hope I can re-set my brain after the scan, and after I replace the bad doc. I'll ask the staff at my MO's office for recommendations from my allowed list of PCPs.

ctmbsikia

Alice let us know how your scan turns out. I also hate it when you feel you are in a good place and have accepted and processed stuff and then BAM.  Hope you find a better primary!

I have a primary Dr. appt. this week.  Will ask about my Vit D level.  It is back up after being on the 50000 units per week.  The NP at my Mo's office said it was almost too high and that I should discontinue and go with the D3 supplement of 2000mg daily.  Pharmacy just filled the last of this script so we'll see.  Surely the supplements will cost me more than what I was co-paying for the script.  Ugh!  Just had my 1st colonoscopy so they will see that and I'm good for 5 years.  That experience (other than the prep) was fine.  The GI practice was very efficient, they explained everything, and they took great care of all the folks moving through there.  I filled out their survey and gave them a good grade!  So, I really want to leave this Dr. appt. with NO papers in my hand!  Just come back in the fall for your flu shot!

The dentist I went to was OK as well.  I am having to do just 1 root canal and he'd like to put a splint behind my 2 lower front teeth as they are loose with hardly any gum to hold them.  I will do this, but then I will have to explain my checkbook can't take much more, my insurance limit will certainly be reached for the year, and I also need a break.  Hope they will agree and have me return in the fall.

Lastly, I've been doing a circuit training class here at work in the gym.  It's free, and it's during work time.  Gotta love getting paid to exercise, right?  Anyway, I'm just a little bit on edge.   I am having some pain in both my breasts and I think it's from the weight exercises I've been doing.  I'm sure that's what it is, but the thought does enter your mind, what if it's something else??  Don't know if I will go to class this week.  Currently doing the 2 week pain countdown.  I hope to be better next week. I'm open to suggestions as well in case anyone feels my thinking is off in this new normal of a world we're in.

ctmbsikia

Almost forgot I wrote this.  Still on edge a bit today.  My left breast hurts.  At least I have some symptoms/dates documented here.  I started another topic in another section to see if anyone can keep me on the ledge.  I'm thinking if doesn't feel better by this time next week I'll need help figuring out what it is!  Hope it goes away on it's own.  Will wear better support and not working out this week. I did go to class last week, maybe I should have rested it last week!  

Root canal @ 3pm.  Yuck!  More positively:  My GP appt was fine.  I walked out of there with 1 paper-bloodwork for next appointment. They are testing my PTH (parathyroid hormone) and A1C next time.  Will see how that goes when I get there.

ctmbsikia

Root canal done.  Glad to get that off the list.  They sort of looked at me like I was crazy since I was not symptomatic with that particular tooth.  The referring dentist is right next door.  I just said, look he told to come here so I'm here.  The tooth did not react to the cold test so they went ahead with it.  He exclaimed there was lots of infection and I was getting close to loosing that tooth.  This endodontist does not do the crown though.  I'm not to chew on that side until I see him 1 more time in 2 weeks.  I already have an appt. w/the dentist late next week.  Whatever.  I so need a break from this, and so does my checkbook.

Breast still hurts, but I am not as worried as I was Sunday.  I hope it feels better everyday by limiting any jiggling (wearing a bra 24/7), or pressing it down on top of the toilet seat so I can reach behind and clean back there, and no lifting this week.  

Thank you for letting me share while I adjust to a new normal.  Have a blessed Easter everyone!  Stay well!

ctmbsikia

After lunch on Tues the pain started.  Left work at lunch time on Wed. it was bad.  Called this endodontist and asked if it was normal--they said yes 3-4 days.  The rest of Wed. and Thurs. was all about managing the pain from this root canal.  I'll never do it again.

Last night I was up at 3;30am for more Advil. Haven't had any since and I think I have figured out that I clench and grind my teeth at night and surely that could be what is wrong with me.  Why this is so painful.   If I'm right I hope the pain lightens up with each day.  A completely exhausting experience.  Never again.  I'd rather lose the tooth!