What’s the best/most helpful comment you’ve heard ?

kber

We have a couple threads that allow us to share the dumb or event hurtful comments we've received since our diagnosis. It's been helpful for me to read them and know that it's not just me who is sometimes a stupid magnet!

But I've gotten some unexpectedly kind and insightful comments, sometimes from virtual strangers and sometimes from close family members

For example, I was at my daughters choir concert, wearing my cancer beanie, when a woman passed me in the hallway She had very short, curly white hair and our eyes met in recognition I didn't know her, but she briefly touched my sleave, smiled and said “You're in the worst part now. Hang in there." It wasn't earth shattering or anything, but I felt seen, and quietly encouraged by someone who understood. It made me feel less alone

What's your story? Who said just the right thing at the right time?

Peregrinelady

When I was deep into Tamoxifen fueled depression and anxiety ridden from being misdiagnosed, my best friend stopped by my house. I was so depressed, I refused to come to the door and texted her. She replied, "What are we going to do about this?". The fact that she said "we" was huge. I sought counseling after that and started taking magnesium, both of which lifted my depression. She will always be my best friend for not running away from the mess I was at that time.

Alicesneed

An acquaintance came up to me early on, hugged me, and said “you will be loved through this”. Simple words with a strong impact

kber

Peragrinlady - the power of we! And of persistence. People who love uswhen we're hard, not just when we are easy are to be cherished!

kber

aliceneed - what a lovely story. No false promises, but one precious truth.Thanks for sharing!

RosieRed

When I was getting ready to go through chemo, many coworkers said “good luck” and “you got this”, which was nice. But one coworker gave me a hug and simply said “it’s going to be ok”. That made me feel so comforted because I really wasn’t sure if things were going to be ok.

Another time I went to the mall to buy Christmas gifts. The male cashier saw me with my beanie on and asked me if I was going through treatment. He asked for my name and he gave me his name and said he was a stage IV cancer survivor. He held my hand for a moment and said “God bless you and keep you.” Had to leave store after that because the tears were coming down my cheeks. How wonderful to have met someone that knew what I was going through and wanted to give me some peace.

Beaverntx

Right after getting my biopsy results ( in the evening on my patient portal), my husband sat down with me and said "We're in this together" and he has been with me all the way-- contributing to the decision making and supporting my decisions. He has been a fabulous sounding board for me.

Cowgirl13

My friend Charlie said to me that it was possible to have an opportunity for healing and transformation by going thru this. It was a God send and my life just wasn't working at all and I had no ability to change it or know what I had to do to change it. I could see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel (even't if it would be that I might not be around very long to experience it). That it wasn't going to be just another crappy thing that happened. And yes, I was terrified. I'm almost 10 years out now and I have lived through my greatest fear...my fear being that I would have cancer, especially since my mother had died at 56 from breast cancer. Even if I were to have a recurrence it couldn't feel as scary because I have the road map. You just never know where help is going to come from.

DearLife

I had to cancel a vacation rental just before going through treatment. The owner, a stranger, not only said she and her husband would be thinking of me, she gave me a full refund and said I could “enjoy Hawaii next year." I could see there would be a next year. Her kindness gave me hope that life could go on.

santabarbarian

One of my dearest and oldest friends has been dealing w stage 4 lung cancer for 4.5 years, and another one has stage four BC. They were two of the first friends I told. Both were excellent supporters when I was first diagnosed.

The friend who is NED from stage 4 lung cancer said, "Keep your mind on your purpose for being alive." That helped me morph fear of dying into zeal for living. Living with more meaning and purpose is a help no matter what. And she said to visualize the chemo as sunlight entering my body, and welcome it, and thank it for doing its job... getting "those little assholes" -- her fabulous term for cancer cells!

My stage 4 BC friend gave me a prism to hang in my window and a card that said, "Chemo sucks but you will get through it... there will be days you may need to just lie in bed and rest, but I hope looking at this will remind you there is light at the end of the tunnel."

illimae

I don’t have a particularly helpful saying but early on when trying to wrap my head around my de novo diagnosis and thinking I was going to die, I saw this and it turned my whole approach into enjoying every moment.

rachelcarter35

I think my husband's irreverent humor was so helpful. He shaved my head when I knew I was going to lose it shortly. I was very emotional. He sang "Goodbye sweetheart, hello Vietnam". (a reference to the movie Full Metal Jacket).

Also the social worker that runs my support group said that cancer brings it's gifts. It has helped me keep my eyes open for them.

AliceBastable

I read it somewhere on this forum, "You don't have to be brave; you just have to show up."

I wasn't particularly scared about the lumpectomy in July or the re-excision in August, but the radical nephrectomy in September scared the crap out of me. Two things helped: knowing my Dad had kidney cancer and a nephrectomy when he was 88 (and did just fine), and trusting my doctor. So all I had to do was show up.

kber

I love all these stories. Thank you

finallyoverit

@Alice ~ the social worker at my breast center said that to me. Simple words, but they meant so much.

The other thing she said that stuck with me was that I was allowed to visit pity land, but I wasn’t allowed to pitch a tent. It was especially helpful when my stage iv came. Not sure it was pity I was feeling, but I allowed myself to feel the anger, sadness and fear for a certain amount of time (usually I would limit myself to a week or a weekend) and then I moved on. It’s been great advice.