I know it's dumb.

Anonymous

I know it's dumb.

WC3

I recently found out that my cancer was initially worse than thought. Not dire, but put my long term survivability in to the "scary" range and do you know what I am worried about right now in my sleep deprived, "Tamoxopaus" state at 1am?

My toe nail.

I know. It's dumb. But it hasn't grown for about 6 months, I can't find much online about this phenomena, and the unknown that is my toe nail's future is causing me anxiety. Like what will happen to it? Will it just stay like that forever? Will it start growing again at some point? Will it fall off? And if it does, will it grow back?

Like I said, I know it's dumb because it's just a toe nail, but I guess I'm really not feeling great on account of the fact that I've been slow to recover from the chemotherapy and have some health issues unrelated to the cancer that precipitated due to treatment, and the toe nail is kind of like the crater of a nuclear bomb.

It's just a hole in the ground but it shouldn't really be there.

Salamandra

Aww WC3, your poor toenail Every little bit of you is precious.

I hope you will get some break from the anxiety in general and that your toenail will achieve a speedy and complete recovery!

Now I wonder if there is such a thing as a podiatrist oncologist! But maybe this question would be known to or interesting to just a regular podiatrist too. I'm sure you have a ton of doctors appointments, what's one more!

WC3

Salamandra:

Thank you!

It's not so much that I care about toe nails, I just take it as a sign that I'm still unwell and from quite a major thing. I'm not sure if there is a podiatrist who specialized in cancer treatment related foot issues but I think I'm going to look in to it.

CaliKelly

I think it will get better over time, I had lost a couple of nails, they all grew back, although 2 of them aren't attached to the nail bed normally, took forever so don't fret too much yet! And it's not dumb😊Who needs a visual reminder of un- fun times😜

blah333

I have something similar that makes me paranoid.... pimples on the left side of my face never go away or heal, they just flatten into a pink mark. It sucks. Same side as my cancer. I also have a mark on my left leg from a ski boot that has been there for 6 weeks wtf.

Ingerp

blah that's so weird that you mention that. I have something on my face that I thought was a pimple that I swear popped up during chemo last summer and hasn't gone away. Also same side as my BC!

Runrcrb

WC3 it’s not dumb, it’s your toenail. It’s hard not to worry that everything we experience isn’t cancer rearing its ugly head. Hopefully you can talk to your oncologist (saving a copay of seeing a podiatrist!) Toenails are slow growing. And our nails do reflect what is happening in our bodies. I think of nails and hair as the wasteland of cells - where the cells go when the body pushes them out. I can attest that it took over 12 months for my big toe nail to completely replace itself. I stubbed my toe (which led to the fall when I broke my elbow) and had a bruise at the base of the nail. That black spot just moved up as my nail grew. It was a year later before it made it to the top to be trimmed off. And now a year later than that the same toenail is just weird looking. Time for a pedicure.

Sorry that you’re feeling anxiety about it but we all understand and it’s not dumb.

santabarbarian

WC3 - I agree - it's not dumb. It may not be life-threatening, thankfully, but it's still weird and irritating and something you confront daily and a signal of un-healed-ness. I would hate to experience it. I totally empathize. Why is a missing toenail any fdrrerent from a swollen arm, or missing eyelashes & eyebrow, or a missing boob for that matter? It's a part of your body and the absence of anything 'normal' feels odd and unsettling.

blah333

Ingerp

The worst thing is that I can't find anything online about this! Even 2 years before diagnosis - before I started to feel a little "off" I had a pimple on my face turn into a freckle that didn't go away. It has since faded into a light splotch but I was only 35, so I didn't have any "age" spots.

The current ones I have are pinkish but I also had another mark someone told me is "melasma." When I looked that up it said it mostly effects females and is hormonal! Of course this makes me paranoid.... though I don't quite see pictures of what I have. It's just like zits that flatten to pink dots.

I need to help my body heal more.. boost my immune system. I wonder if it has to do with the liver or what.... wish I could find out more info.

Ingerp

blah--I'm not particularly worried about it. If you'd like some help you could always try a dermatologist. I just am really not looking to add another doctor into the mix.

WC3

blah333:

It sounds like the pimples lead to a secondary inflammatory response which leads to post inflammatory hyperpigmentation.

Everyone:

Thanks for the kind words.

blah333

True.... I think I'm permanently inflamed. Not good. I also have some rib inflammation.

WC3

Update:

The nail has started growing again and a round of antibiotics seems to have cleared up the infection but it's still strangely red and the doctor said the next step would be to remove the nail if problems persisted.

alto

WC3, I hope the healing continues. It's good you are still paying attention to your body. And this stuff does give us a bit of PTSD. Sending a virtual hug. As someone else said, you matter - even your toe matters!

WC3

alto:

Thank you!

hapa

WC3 - I'm glad your toenail is starting to heal. I had the opposite problem. During chemo my nails started growing like crazy. It's like all the energy that normally went into growing hair was redirected towards growing nails. They slowed down a bit once my hair started coming back. But my armpit hair is still MIA. It was weird, it grew back a little, I shaved them once, and then it never grew again after that. Not that I'm complaining.

WC3

hapa:

That's strange that your nails grew faster during chemotherapy. My armpit hair has been slow to grow back but I didn't have much to begin with.