Overly concerned

jdipzins

My DH has been absolutely amazing throughout my surgeries and recoveries. Now that we are past the worst, he still hovers and doesn't let me do much on my own which I get frustrated with. I just want to get back to normal life stuff but even when I suggest going out or doing something it is a no. I go out with friends and he seems perfectly content to stay home alone. I'm getting worried because I don't see us returning to our lives. It saddens me and I tried talking to him about it but it's going no where. There is always another focus - our college kids, job, we volunteer together at robotics so there is little time for us.

I had a very difficult recovery from my double mastectomy due to my surgeon going a little to far by taking muscle and too many lymphnodes even though my sentinel node was clear. This caused extensive cording, scar tissue, nerve pain and necrotic skin which I spent 4 months in PT. It wasn't pretty and now I have expanders which is better but still not pretty or even close to what I used to look like. We have one more surgery in April for permanent implants with more reconstruction (fat and tissue grafting) and may need one more fat and tissue grafting during the summer to make it all look somewhat normal again. Our world turned upside down as well as DH brother passed in August, his Aunt in October and my Mom in December. All three were in hospice for a long time and we went as much as we could to see them. So we have had a lot of other life difficulties as well during this time.

I have asked if he wants to talk to someone other than me and that's a no too. Is there any ideas from the community? We have only had sex twice in the last 7 months. I have tried many of the suggestions on here but am feeling down today thinking we may no longer have a relationship if this keeps going this way. Does he just need more time?