Grandmothers, would you move to be near your grandchildren?

LittleMelons

farmerlucy - Your timeshare situation sounds pretty much perfect. Coincidentally I was looking for either timeshares or fractional ownership properties that wouldn't be too far for us all to go in the summer. I haven't been able to find multiple properties with weeks that coincide. Some of the fractional ownership cottages on lakes are beautiful but not big enough for all 11 of us, so would need 2 of them. Again there were not 2 with the same weeks for sale. Vacation properties within a reasonable driving distance are very expensive as everyone wants to go to the same places. My husband thinks we wouldn't use the vacation property enough to justify buying one outright, and paying taxes, utilities, and worrying about maintenance, etc. I tend to agree with him so a timeshare would be good. Also our friends who have vacation homes are constantly working on them when they are there. At least with timeshares, you aren't responsible for the maintenance yourself, just a fee.

AliceBastable- I really appreciate your input. We learn so much from others are seeing or doing.

Just an aside: I had to laugh when one of our friends who has a property on a lake said that she asked a local real estate agent how business was in the area. The agent said "It's been great. I have been very busy selling cottages to grandparents who retire then buy them thinking the kids and grandkids will come and stay. Then I get to sell them 2 years later when they realize the kids aren't coming."

BrooksideVT

 I live in a year-round vacationland five miles from a major ski area, ten from another, and not much further from a few others.  Not that many years ago, many of the people I knew were second home owners.  Because easy travel to easily available short-term vacation spots has become so de rigueur, most of those second homes are now a glut on the market.  So many houses are for sale that it can take years (and several price reductions) to find a buyer, and many unsold second homes have been converted to Air B&B's.   It's my understanding that vacation shares are even more difficult to er, unload.

Getting my kids to come here to visit is like pulling teeth.  (I have three sons, all married with children, and seven grandkids ages from 3 to 12). They all expect a smorgasbord of different experiences, whether for family vacations, or escapes by themselves while the wife's (yes, it's always the wife's) parents babysit.  

As the kids have grown, they've wanted different types of vacation.  Beach vacations are fine while the kids are very young, then it's Disney, then a resort (different every time).  Now, one of my DIL's is mentioning Europe.  Because things change so very quickly, I doubt I could find a single location, near or far, that any of my kids would be interested in visiting for more than a couple of years.  

One of the uncles (brother of my ex) has had very good results (results defined as 100% attendance) with renting, yes, renting, not buying, a wonderful villa with lots of room for eight adults and seven children in some Caribbean paradise or another.  He gets the kids to commit to the dates (usually winter break) well in advance, selects (with their input) the location, sends pictures, and gets agreement from all before booking.  He never has empty ($$$) rooms staring him in the face.

Similarly, a summer strategy with specific weeks/weekends or events, perhaps in different areas, agreed upon by one or both families, could provide short-term-commitment fun for everyone.  In between those dates, you and your husband could explore other areas, or not.

 

 

LittleMelons

BrooksideVT - Vermont is beautiful and I can see why many people would want vacation properties there. Ah 3 married sons means 3 DILs. I find the DILs want to be and are in charge. They are the gatekeepers to the families. I too find it is difficult to get consensus among all family members for family vacations, and tensions and conflicts sometimes erupt. We did rent a large house with a pool in a vacation area in the summer for several years but then additional babies made it difficult with conflict nap/sleep/eating times, tensions arose so we stopped. We have also gone to a child oriented lodge which has worked out pretty well. This year, one DIL promoted a Caribbean vacation which we will do in April, but it has proven to be quite expensive (we are paying for everyone) so definitely won't do it every year. I find making arrangements which satisfy everyone fairly nerve-wracking and tiring. That's why I thought a vacation property might be good. We all go when they feel like it. Maybe I am idealizing grandmotherhood...or am having a late life crisis. Am thinking that in a few years I may not feel like going anywhere. My husband and I do travel a fair bit on our own at the moment.

The villa rental in the Caribbean sounds like a good idea.

keepthefaith

Before I had all 6 of my GK's, we made an annual 3 day Fall vacay to a specific location that we all enjoyed. When too many naps, diapers, etc came, we stopped. My son has brought up the idea again now that they are older and aren't so set on schedules, etc. We always rented and I was usually the one that did the planning-trying to find a house for 11 ppl and possibly 2 dogs can be challenging. I used to pay for the cabin, shop for groceries, and they paid for the groceries between them. My DD and her family invited me to a week-end at a lake we haven't been to, this past summer. I spent two nights and they spent three. I thought they should enjoy family time without me in the mix at least one day. I think having those fun memories to look back on is important. My DD is hard to please and changes her mind constantly (she would shoot me if she knew I said this..haha!), so I doubt I would ever purchase a family place; although I like the idea, I think I would be setting myself up for disappointment in the long run. She wants the beach one year and the mountains the next. In the big scheme of things, it doesn't matter where we go or what we do, as long as we have fun and are together. Sounds cliche', but it rings true to my heart. When you have too many opinions and ideas, it can get tricky! Maybe taking turns choosing a destination would be a good idea...set a limit on rent and distance, if need be.

LittleMelons

keepthefaith - we have fairly similar family situations. We have 11 people and 1 dog. Its not that easy to find a rental that will take a dog. I think your reasoning is very thoughtful and sound about giving them some space and that it doesn't really matter where you get together, just that you do. The kids will have memories of good times together so that makes it worth the effort of organizing a holiday. Both my DILs have definite ideas and usually don't agree with each other which makes it difficult. For example, one wants to go to the family lodge in the summer, the other in the winter...natch.

Thanks so much for everyone's input. It has made me see that renting or resort holidays are probably the best bet. I am having a bit of trouble losing the idea of moving to where my son is or buying a vacation property, but rationally can see the potential negatives in doing either of those things. Maybe I should buy a vacation property...where my son lives lol

AliceBastable

When I was growing up, my parents, my sister and I always went on a vacation every year, usually someplace new. Occasionally it would involve other relatives, like the year we went camping in Michigan with my aunt and uncle and cousins, or visiting another aunt who moved frequently to interesting places. Flash forward to my adult years, married with a young son. Parents retired to Florida, and expected us to spend every single vacation at their house. We could only afford one vacation a year at that time. Although we did some fun things, we kind of felt like prisoners, because Mom always assumed that what she enjoyed was what everyone wanted to do, and she'd lay the guilt on at the first sign of resistance. It was years before my hubby and son and I could build the same kinds of memories they'd had with our own vacations. Just saying, sometimes too much closeness can be a burden.

Spookiesmom

When DHs parents were alive, Christmas Eve was at their small house They had 5 kids, each was married, and there were grands, under the age of 5. So that was 12 adults, 4 grands.

It was horrible. All those ppl in such close contact. I cannot imagine trying to do a vacation with all those people. Actually I’m glad I’m 1,000 miles away and don’t have to think about i

AliceBastable

Oh, Spookiesmom, that sounds like my in-laws' house! I remember several people sitting on the parents' bed to eat dinner! It was the room that should have been the dining room anyway, so I guess it was appropriate.

My parents mentioned their regret at not spending more time with the grandkids. But they never had the problem of the grandkids rolling their eyes and trying to avoid them when they were embarrassing to be around like my in-laws.

7of9

As a daughter whose mother only 4 miles away I can say it's been a real blessing. When my father passed away unexpectedly after my diagnosis it was very helpful to be close to her. As I did have to go back to work she has been very helpful by meeting my son at the bus stop and getting him started on either dinner or homework 2 to 3 nights a week. Plus she comes to all of his soccer baseball and basketball games now or at least most of them. My son still sleeps over her house when we have a late date night every few months. My in laws are 20 min away and they were helpful when my son was younger. MIL has a few screws loose now so minimizing the drama with her currently. Its nice that no one ever spends holidays alone - tho were are opting out and headed on vacation for Easter, my mom will be with friends.