When friends shave their heads as an act of support.

Annanza

Recently diagnosed with mets to bones and liver. I'm in chemo and my hair is falling out. I get it that everyone responds to hair loss differently. Right now, for me, hair loss is low on my concerns/things that devastate me. Again I speak only for myself.

Some of my friends intend to shave their own heads as an act of support and unity. I really don't know what I feel about this. Have any of your loved ones done this and what did you think/feel? I'm not sure how I feel about a perfectly healthy person mimicking a side effect of chemo. I know their intent to do this comes from the heart and I don't want to dismiss that.

But yeah, perspectives, opinions etc?

ceanna

Annanza, I'm sorry you are experiencing hair loss with chemo. I personally do not have experience with chemo, but know from a friend, that hair loss can be difficult emotionally for many. Your friends want to support you, so they should ask you what would be best for you--hopefully not just tell you what you should think of their gesture. If you are not sure about their shaving their heads, you may want to tell them that before they make an unnecessary cut. Perhaps suggest some other ways they can support you such as rides to chemo, getting groceries, running errands, or child care, meals, cleaning, laundry, etc. If they want to show unity, they should honor your wishes. If you do give them an okay for this, please have them explore donating their hair to Locks of Love or somewhere that can benefit others before the first cut.

BellasMomToo

Annanza, I'm sorry about your mets dx.

I lost my hair to chemo and although it has grown back, it's not the same -- it's more sparse and the texture is a little different.

Personally, and I am speaking for myself only, I get offended by these 'solidarity' hair shavings. Their hair will grow back, in the same way. Whereas chemo hair loss may not grow back at all or will probably grow back differently.

I want to see a 'solidarity' hair shaving that includes shaving the eyebrows, eyelashes, etc.... Of course, no one would do that cause they would look weird. But it would be a more authentic gesture. Again, this is just my opinion.

Runrcrb

interesting discussion. I hadn’t thought about it. I was bald from chemo and wearing a wig for about 5 months. I never went out without a wig or head cover- it was Nov-May and cold most of the time. Having people shave their head in support wouldn’t have provided much support for me. I preferred having a meal provided,going for a walk or coffee and NOT talking about cancer, etc. I think i can understand it for a child who loses his hair but less so for an adult. In reading the boards I’m one of the lucky ones as my hair came back better.

So sorry to read of your mets. All the best for your treatment course.

Meow13

I agree for a child I could see the support.

NancyHB

Anna - sorry for your new diagnosis. My first go-round with chemo I had two friends who shaved their head in solidarity. At the time, one was a fairly good friend, the other more of an acquaintance. They both seemed (or so I felt) to expect a level of gratitude from me for what they’d done. I couldn’t muster that - frankly, I was confused and a little annoyed. Given our relationships I didn’t understand their motivation - particularly when the acquaintance intended to stay shaved for five years “until you’re cured.” (Well, that didn’t work...)

I realized it was really more about them, than me; lots of people asked them why and it gave them a reason to talk about the sacrifice they’d made. I didn’t have a choice, I made no “sacrifice” - my hair fell out because I had cancer and chemo. I never discussed it with them - I didn’t want to appear ungrateful which - at that time - was something I thought I needed to do (I no longer worry about that).

In general I think people have good intentions, and those never really touched by cancer don’t understand the impact treatment or losing hair can have on us. I explained to the acquaintance that 5 years didn’t mean cured, etc., and she eventually let her hair grow back.

Interestingly - no one offered the solidarity shave my second go-around...