Afraid to look down after mastectomy

Carolzigulich

hi

I just had a mastectomy yesterday. Im on the verge of tears now afraid to look.

Can someone advise me on how to navigate this part of the journey

ksusan

Hi, Carol. I know what you mean. The first time I looked, I browned out (mostly from the evidence of surgery, not the missing breasts per se). My suggestion would be not to look until you feel ready.

Best of luck.

exbrnxgrl

I agree that you need to wait until you’re ready. Usually, things are not as bad as you imagine. I had one step implants, but dried blood, stitches and all the other detritus of surgery was not pretty. Time definitely improves things.

Salamandra

This is not my direct experience of mastectomy, but other related experiences. I hope you won't mind that I jump in here, and please do feel free to ignore if it doesn't apply at all. I'm sorry if this is not helpful.

Can you try to find as many images as you can of other women's bodies where you can see the mastectomy? See so many of them, that it starts to seem like a normal variation to you? We are pretty suggestible creatures. The more we see something, the more normal it seems.

Also, having spoken with women who went through major physical changes, amputations, etc, it's a major body image shift. Counseling/therapy is a completely appropriate tool .

Carolzigulich

ksusan,

Thank you for responding. I appreciate it

Carolzigulich

dear Ex,

Thank you for your reply

Carolzigulich

sal,

Thank you. Will try

WC3

What kind of mastectomy did you have? Was there any reconstruction? I had a skin sparing bilateral mastectomy with immediate tissue expander placement. I woke up in a surgical bra and didn't feel like anything had changed.

When I opened the bra for the first time and looked down, I didn't see much of a difference. I was looking at the same skin, the expanders filled me out pretty well and I couldn't see that I didn't have nipples due to the gauze strips over the incisions. I just looked like I was wearing gauze pasties.

To be honest I think these ones are going to look better than the originals if I can finish reconstruction. They have a nicer shape. I do get a little down about the fact that I will not be able to breast feed if I have kida though, and the idea of the trauma to my body...I have to remind myself that cancer does worse things, and I get a little down about the loss of sensation because it's a reminder that I have harmed my body in some way, but I have sensation around the perimeter and some internal sensation and phantom sensation and I don't perceive the numbness unless I touch the numb regions. I just feel like I have a not uncomfortable bra on.

Moderators

Hi Carol-

We want to welcome you to BCO! This stage of your treatment and recovery can be difficult, but as others have mentioned, just take it a day at a time. You've just had your surgery, so there is no rush! Do things as you're comfortable, and wait until you're emotionally and mentally ready to process it all.

The Mods

Carolzigulich

im not sure the proper title but i think they called it a soft tissue mastectomy. Left breast. I did have a reconstrct insert put in to be expanded a little at a time over the next four weeks. Your way sounds much better.

Thanks for responding.

Carolzigulich

Thank you. Appreciate your response. Im just figuring how to navigate the forum. It is a bit confusing to me.

Is there a way i can filter to get the most recent post

MDRR

carol

you've just had major surgery so please give yourself some time to heal. ANY surgery is traumatic, but this modifies how we look so it's somewhat tougher to wrap your head around. plus you have to think about the cancer -- it is alot to take in. Please be gentle with yourself. i chose no reconstruction, and i've become quite used to my new body. eventually with your reconstruction you'll look more like what you are used to. Just remind yourself that your body is healing, it needs time and tlc, and you are in the process of getting healthy by fighting the disease.

this community will support you throughout.

Carolzigulich

mdrr

Thank yo

MarilynIllinois

Hi Carole, I had a mastectomy without reconstruction about a year and a half ago. I don't remember too much about the first week, it was all a blur. I didn't look at my chest too close for a week. I concentrated on the drain and the business of emptying it and recording the output. I was glad to go in to my surgeon's office for my first post op visit. It was good to see her and ask questions about how I was healing.

I didn't really look at the scar closely until after the drain was removed.

For me, I found the stinging in my armpit from the sentinel node biopsy more troublesome than the scar.

Good luck to you, I hope you will find looking at it won't be as bad as you thought.

Carolzigulich

marilyn,

Thank you for the reply. It feels better just connecting w you knowing u went through the same. Gives hope.

oxygen18

Carol,

I had a unilateral mx and did what Salamandra describes, I collected a large number of photos of chests with uni mx, bilat mx, recon and no recon and botched recon etc, and I looked at the pix until I was bored out of my skull. Also, I repeated to myself that "Nothing human is alien to me," and that I have it in me to handle this just fine. I was prepared to peek very slowly if necessary, but it turned out ok, the scar was neater than some I had seen online, it was unremarkable and, well, boring to look at. I also used distraction, made sure that right after the first viewing I'd be busy with something else. I made sure to not pressure myself, but to assume that sooner or later it was going to be just ok.

I hope and trust it will work out ok for you too, and if there is a support group near you, you might give it a try and find it very informative.

You asked how to display latest posts: Menu > Active topics

Best wishes.

Carolzigulich

thank you. And how do i find a local support group

exbrnxgrl

Try contacting your treatment facilities social worker for referrals to support groups. Happy holidays

RosieRed

Honestly after my BMX and TEs, I had a hard time looking too. The first time I did, I took out my contact lenses and only looked in the mirror in the bathroom so everything looked fuzzy from a distance. But slowly I’ve been able to accept the changes in my body. After 5 weeks I’m still not 100% comfortable, but I’m getting there.

Carolzigulich

thanx Rosie. I wish you well. Nice of u to respomd

blackcat2012

After my mastectomy in 2012 when I looked down and of course being my groggy old sedated from anesthesia self said "Oh my God!" and all of the nurses came running asking what was wrong and my response was "I didn't realize how fat I was!" They thought I was upset because of having a BMX. I was but not in the way that they thought I was and am very grateful to have some of the cancer gone...

I am so sorry that you are on our journey with us and that you have to go through the surgery and treatments and this is a very supportive group we are here for you. 

amygil81

Carol, there's no one right way to view a new mastectomy. I couldn't look at mine right away either. I found myself holding my remaining breast with one hand, running the fingers of my other hand around the edges of my mastectomy bandage, then in a little, then a little more, then finally flat on the gauze where my left breast used to be. The next morning I let my eyes see what my hands had been telling me all night. Whatever gets you through this ordeal is right for you. I wish you the best in this and in all your BC journey.

Carolzigulich

amy, thank you

Carolzigulich

black

Thank you

Carolzigulich

ex

Thanx

Denise-G

Hi - I covered my mirrors with paper and let a little off at the edges so I could peak when I was ready.

I looked down when I felt I was ready. You will know when you can. Take it slow! Everyone is different!

Do what is right for you!

Carolzigulich

denise,

Thank yo

wallycat

Before surgery, I looked at a lot of website pix of mastectomy patients. I knew what to expect. I was mentally prepared. Maybe looking on line will give you some idea of what to expect. Sort of prepare you in some way. After looking at enough pics, I realized this was OK and just a new-me. After surgery, I looked down right away, and it was ok. I looked just like them. The New-me. Best to you navigating this transition.

Shellsatthebeach

I'm the person who is skirmish when I see a cut and blood.  It was something I was not able to look at for nearly a month.  My husband changed my bandages so he saw way before me. When it was time I promised myself I would look down but never look back.  I've been fine.  I elected to go flat on one side.  I can always change my mind.  

AliceKo

I did not look for a while. My husband emptied out my drains. I have seen it, but prefer not to (that's 2 years later and with reconstruction...). I hope you buy into this acceptance stuff and loving yourself and believing that the surgery saved your life.

Careninnj

i could have written this post. I had my bilateral mastectomy aug 16th. My husband did my drains. I would keep my eyes closed tight. Then when i was finally given thd go ahead to take a shower i would wear my bikini top in the shower so i still didnt have to look. After a month i said " ok. This is enough, you can do this", so i looked. And it wasnt bad!! I dont even remember what my old breasts looked like anymore. You will be OKZ. trust me!