Recurrence Fears How do you cope

Manc

Hi all I'm thankfully two years in from an aggressive Grade three diagnosis in two nodes and after sinking into depression am generally doing well . I still have my wobbles though mainly due to fear of ever leaving my exceptionally close husband and children youngest 15 . Anyone else still get bad days and how do you deal with them plus accepting my previous happy life has changed Thanks ahead.

Anonymous

hmmm,

great question Manc.

the mental and spiritual side of managing cancer and post cancer is just huge!

I have had an initial dx followed by 2 recurrence dx's, and learning to manage the fear and 'what if's" is as important as managing physical struggles (for me anyway!)

daily meditation or contemplation time, books that are thoughtful and healing, lots of gentle exercise, as well as time with loved ones. All balm for a weary soul.

I have an active prayer life too, which I find helpful. Just finding what works for you and having a routine to calm your spirit... I think that's essential for walking with Brother Cancer.

ps. my daughter was 8yo when this started, and now she will be 25 in January. I know I am very fortunate to have had all this time with her, but more than that, to truly appreciate each day...that is one of many gifts that come with having this awful disease. My uess is that you already are aware of that.

sending love and a cyber hug to you.

Sophiemara

The best thing that put my fear at bay was having a follow up ct and bone scan 2 years post dx. Before that, I didn't know what was going on...every ache and pain I felt, my mind went mad. It was a huge relief, the unknown was enough to stress me out.

Since then I try to do everything I can within my control to reduce my risk and I believe that it goes a long way. I have faith and hope that everything will be alright and that my dx was a wake up call or warning that there was an imbalance going on my body. I don't forget, but I have moved on in my mind, I've accepted it but I don't want it to define me. Stay strong.

Sjacobs146

I have found that the anxiety has gotten less with time. I am four years out from diagnosis, and I am not thinking about recurrence as much as I was last year or the year before. For a while I was actually wishing they would find something just to end the waiting and wondering. Crazy! I get better with every clear mammogram (but waiting for those results is still the most stressful 20 minutes of my entire year)

voraciousreader

manc....how do you deal with those bad days? Those dark places? Like the thought of leaving your beloved ones? That is probably the hardest question to answer because there are probably many answers....but the answer you want, I believe, is found only within yourself....I define it as finding your new normal....for all of us it is a journey to find that place....a hard journey because it will probably never end....but one worth taking...

What do I do? Well, to begin, I had several life saving surgeries BEFORE my diagnosis, so when I was diagnosed, I was, I guess, well prepared, or at least MORE prepared than others. I realized early on that life wasn’t so sweet....BUT ....it was bittersweet. The bitter part of life allowed those sweet moments become more sweet...more bitter? Absolutely not! More sweet and that made every moment that was sweet more meaningful...and for that, I was, and I am always grateful.....

So, when those darker places try to emerge, I simply fight them back into their place! A place I now have a map to, that came with this amazing compass that helps me avoid going there...

Getting to your new normal requires a map and a compass. It is there inside of you to find. Just treat yourself gently and that compass with emerge with a map and you too will know how to avoid those painful thoughts....I promise....

AliceBastable

I'm only a half year out, and just finished rads, but it's really never occurred to me to think about it. Maybe having had other cancers puts less emphasis on a particular type of one? I just see it as something that, if (or when) it shows up, I deal with it then and move on. I'm not good at planned worrying.

JoE777

maybe it was in the back of my mind somewhere but actively thinking about it just didn't happen. I always thought, even after being metastatic, the worst had happened so my fear level dropped to a 2 on a scale of 1-10. Now that I'm out of the pain and disease fog, watching my plants and wildlife in my little yard crowd out most dark thoughts. Even when they creep in,I walk out and feed a stray and lonely cat or watch in amazement how stead my monarch catipillars work toward the next stage of life. They seem to teach a life lesson. We are all in a metamorphosis that ends in beauty and freedom. Hang in there. You will overcome. Jo

AliceBastable

JoE777, you have a beautiful outlook. I seem to remember being more inclined to freak out when I had my first cancer. I think once you're a veteran, whether with quality (your high stage) or quantity (my multiple cancers), we get more philosophical about it, perhaps an attitude of "Well, that one didn't get me, so the next probably won't, either." My friend who has had stage IV ovarian cancer for ten years thinks of it as Whack-a-Mole when she has to undergo active treatment.

Your yard sounds like a lovely oasis. My yard is also small, and in a large city, but we currently have an owl in residence, and over the years have seen foxes, raccoons, deer, woodchucks, eagles, hawks, and other furred and feathered friends. I wish the year-round geese would take a vacation, though - they do low fly-throughs between the houses early in the morning, and the loud honking at that hour is a bit much!

Manc

Thankyou for your thoughtful replies i think a lot of my fears stem from being a Grade three with nodes plus being told it was very aggressive i suppose I just can't see it not returning but I'm two years in now . I also have a very close family and though children now older they are still very needy and I'm the centre of that need I should say I am doing so much better the depression stage was awful and I think time is a big help but I think it's the uncertainty I find hard and the fact that no one can truly tell you its gone. I was 48 at diagnosis and I think that's quite young and still get angry sometines.

Very excited to hear your wildlife I too get so much strength and pleasure from nature and my garden bird feeding though I'm in the UK so wildlife very different. I'm amazed at what you get. Thank you again I suppose I want a magic wand to wish it away for us all !

Spookiesmom

I’m 7 years out. Dark thoughts pop in occasionally now, and I let them in for a few minutes. Then I distract myself with current things and they go back in the hole. And I do get the “what if’s”. I’ve decided to deal with that, if and when necessary. Not to let worry rule my life

I take my 2 dogs to dog park daily. It’s very quiet there, I can watch the ospreys and eagles soaring on the thermal currents. Sometimes the coyotes are out or barking. I think we’d go crazy if we didn’t go, they enjoy the smells.

lovemyrhodesian

grade IIIC w/multiple nodes and clavicle November 2017

remission May 2018

finished radiation in August of 2018

went through tx with optimism but now I'm just frightened, scared, and depressed

what happened?

Spookiesmom

We are so closely watched during tx, that when we are finished there is a let down. Soooooo many appointments. Then you wake up one day and realize you don’t have to be anywhere. We’ve been through a lot. Could be some PTSD too. If your feelings don’t get better, or worsen, talk to your pcp. Try to find your old interests get involved again. Your feelings are normal. You will be ok with your new normal.

LtotheK

Hello, everyone, this is my first post in a long time! This community got me through, and I've leaned on it again after losing my best friend to cancer last summer. I want to address the issue of PTSD. I am 8+ years out from my diagnosis at age 39--though I was Stage 1 (grade 3), I did chemo and the whole treatment protocol, and feel that I am a "rule breaker" in terms of my risks. The PTSD has stayed. It ebbs and flows, but I need Xanax or some other relaxant for my test season, and by this time of spring, I have already begun the process of anxiety about my summer tests.

When my friend died, I realized not only did I lose my center, it also raised many questions and fears about my treatment and life. I got counseling, and I would say it has been nothing short of a miracle. It has helped me so much to put things in their place. I struggle, and I think PTSD is a real, long-term complication we face with this illness that is only now beginning to be understood. I am a strong, fully-engaged human, and I am over feeling weak because my PTSD is real.

See if you can frame your fears in that manner, and get the help you need!