Emotions after BMX/recon...

Dovely

So I don't know if I'm in the minority, but I'm waiting to feel “devastated" about the loss of my breasts. And I don't. I am only a week out from last surgary and I don't even know if I like my implants yet. While I have had moments of sadness over loss of feeling and “what they once were" (and we'd have to go before kids for that!) I definitely don't feel the depth of loss that I expected. I had tumors in both, and as one woman on here so perfectly put, “I realized they were junk and needed to go". I'm nervous about re-occcurance and I still don't know if I'll need chemo yet. I am wondering if I'm still in survival mode and it will hit me later.

I am a long time sufferer, on and off, of anxiety, ocd and depression. I feel like I am handling this process with surprising stability, even to myself. I have had my moments- tears, panic, but they pass quickly.

I don't feel less feminine without my breasts. I don't feel deformed. Sucks to not feel them but so many things are much worse. Also, my boobs, especially pre-children, were fantastic. I was an amateur fashion model and even modeled lingerie a few times

These implants don't look like me, but they're good enough. And like I said, I don't know if I'll like them long term. But maybe I'm finally just being kind to myself after so many years of nit picking about my appearance. I knew that they had to be sacrificed for my safety.

I would love to hear about other people's emotional process

VegGal

I was way more upset about my tiny tumor than the (elected) loss of both breasts. I was also way more upset about my lousy first round of reconstruction than I was about the loss of my real boobs. 

In my case, I had thought over everything years before diagnosis. My mom had had cancer 7 years prior and had done a uni mx, no recon. She did well, was hardly slowed down. As she went through that I played "what if" and had already decided that both would go if I ever was diagnosed. When that fateful day occurred I just put my plan into action.