awaiting surgery and incredibly scared/anxious

CHB87

Hi All,

I am new to the club none of us wanted to join. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago after a pre-surgery mammogram. I was going in to have a breast reduction and the mammogram caught a 9mm tumor in my breast that was later declared the big BC. It has been a rollercoaster of a ride since then. So far, had MRI and chest xray, all came back clear....nothing in the other breast, lymph nodes did not light up etc etc etc. So far, looks like this one little teeny tiny tuma (if you watch Bob's Burgers, say it in Linda's voice). I am scheduled for a node biopsy, reduction and lumpectomy in T-minus one week.

Yesterday, after yoga, I noticed my glands under my jaw were a little tender (no lump, just tenderness. Had the nurse at my job feel them and she said "yeah, I feel them but it is nothing that would alarm me"), so naturally, I freaked out and started imagining every possible terrible scenario possible (It somehow jumped past my sentenial lymph nodes and all the nodes in the rest of my body and has clearly lodged itself into my lymph nodes below my jaw...cuz logic). Has anyone had an experience like this? I keep reminding myself, I have been stressed, the seasons have changed, my diet has changed, I have been grinding my teeth/clenching my jaw. I put a call in to the doctor (they better get used to this...this will solidify by status as a hypochondriac for the next 10 years) but I would love some input from those who have been through it and know what it is like to assume every little pain and pinch is something bad.

PurpleCat

I'm certainly not through the breast cancer treatment experience, but I definitely know what it's like to assume every little thing is something terrible. After MRI that found only the one bad spot and sentinel node biopsy that found 3 benign nodes, I'm as sure as I can be that I don't have (any detectable) breast cancer (any more, at the moment) so now I'm looking at all the moles I've had for years and thinking they are probably melanoma and I need to get them checked out pronto and maybe I SHOULD opt for chemo anyway, even at 1A with an oncotype of 12, because it might knock out any other cancers secretly brewing in my body. I'm also freaking out and certain I'm going to end up with lymphedema because the area around my 19-day-old SNB incision still feels sore and looks swollen, even though I've been told by more than one source that it can take a month for things to resolve. I think it's probably normal after finding out that actually, something in our bodies IS trying to kill us, especially when we had no symptoms and were feeling perfectly fine. If we can be feeling perfectly healthy but actually harboring cancer, how can we ever trust that our bodies are healthy when we DO feel something off, even the tiniest most innocuous thing? I don't know if that's at all reassuring, unless it helps to know you're not the only one feeling this way! Sometimes that helps me.

CHB87

Hey Purplecat,

Seriously love the user name, first and foremost. You sound like my kinda gal. I was just inspecting my forever moles yesterday and plan on talking to the onc about it once I sit with her (she is going to LOOOOOVE me). I keep reminding myself of the gate keeper node. I keep reminding myself how it spreads and how it moves through the body. I keep reminding myself it is not going to play hop scotch all the way up to my saliva glands. I keep reminding myself of all the things it probably is (stress, stress and more stress, teeth grinding, a small cold I may not feel yet) Anxiety brain is a strong strong beast and she has been very very busy since the diagnosis

CaliKelly

Girls😂😂,all astounding so familiar! I'm done with active treatment, after2 1/2 years! I hate positive lymph nodes, that's how I found my cancer, I could feel them like jelly beans under my arm! Not in my neck! Not tender or sore,. The first place the cancer will usually go is axillary nodes not neck! But believe me I'm still getting every lump and bump, and freckles and moles!checked out. My onco knows we threw everything possible at my cancer, if it ever comes back, it won't be because of refusing any recommended treatments. She also knows I don't like"monitoring" lumps, so we test everything. So far found: fat necrosis, surgical clips, and benign palpable lymph node. Bring your Doctors cookies and baked goods, I do and they're always happy to see me😉!

KCMC

Every little ache and pain I worry. When I was diagnosed back in March of 2017 my arms hurt and I swore that I was going to be stage iv right out of the gate. I had some serious side effects to chemo that ultimately found a calcification on my brain which for a 6 week period I did not know if the cancer had spread or not. I am triple positive and usually the first place HER2+ breast cancer spreads to is the brain. I came here and looked for support from all of you wonderful ladies. Turns out no metastatic bc thank god! I imagine as we get further out from treatment it gets better. Good luck, oh by the way I love Linda from Bob's Burgers!

Carol2018

I had swollen glands in my neck prior to my surgery and was very alarmed. The NP told me it would be very unlikely it was cancer. Typically lymph nodes affected are under the arm or in the collarbone area. She thought it was a reaction to a respiratory virus. Anyway, swollen glands went away, I had surgery with clear margins and sentinel lymph node and was diagnosed with stage 1a. Hoping the best for you. I understand how you feel.

CHB87

On this episode of "My Neurotic Brain"

fighting a teeny tiny head cold and convinced myself that the lymph node under my arm was swollen 😂😂😂

felt it this morning and literally can not feel any difference (after reading all the studies on how accurate the MRI is for picking up node activity)

Tuesday can not come soon enough

beach2beach

Hi,

I always have a bit of enlarged nodes under my jaw but when I was diagnosed I swore they became gigantic. It so hard not to over analyze every little thing but it does get better as time goes on. I still do focus sometimes on something I feel or notice but I have more days of not thinking about than thinking of it.

I have chronic sinus issues so thats why I think mine are always like that and I was sick like 3 days prior to surgery with beginings of a cold and I'm sure that's why I noticed them larger(if they even were) but still had surgery and now a year out.

I felt the same way...let's get it over with it and deal with whatever else.

CHB87

Hi beach!

and that's the thing...I dont remember what my baseline is for my nodes so everything feels bigger. even the ones I was worried about are only the teeniest bit swollen...to the point where I cant even really be sure if they are swollen or it's my head. the tumor is so small but I know even small tumors can spread

I just want answers but I'm afraid of what the answers might be