32 Year Old Single Mom Keep working or disability?

JS0404

Good morning!

I'm a 32 year old single mother of a 6 year old daughter. I was recently diagnosed with Stage 2 IDC. My doctors want to start with chemo instead of surgery, but we're still working out the details with the treatment schedule. I've discussed this with my employer and he strongly suggests that I take advantage of my short and long term disability. My job is not physically strenuous, but in the past two years I've taken on several additional duties/projects that require great attention to detail and out of state traveling (every other month or so). I also just received a new project that would really help my career advancement. On average, I work about 50 hours a week because I come in early, stay late, and work through lunch. I don't know how chemo will affect me mentally and physically, but I am seriously considering applying for disability just so I can take the time to focus on my health and my daughter's well-being. Financially, it will be very tight, but we'd be able to manage. Right now, my job is mentally draining and I am not as focused as I usually am.. I get most of my work done, but being in and out of the office for appointments has been creating a lot more work for me. I'm also considering working from home once my chemo starts.

Would any other working moms be able to share your neoadjuvant chemo experience in relation to your job? If you took a leave, did you find it to be beneficial for your treatment?

WC3

I don't recommend working 50 hours a week while on chemo but whether or not you are able to work will depend on your side effects and the nature of your job.

My job was not manageable while on chemo because I spend a lot of time out in the field away from a desk and access to a restroom, and I was too fatigued and weak and had some gastrointestinal issues. If I could work from home or had a desk job with access to a restroom and flexible hours, I might have been able to get some work in, at least towards the end of my cycle but I wouldn't have been very productive.

I should say that I don't have kids. I also think it's important to make proper rest a priority right now because the immune system plays a large part in preventing and suppressing cancer and not enough rest can impair it.

I cut out caffeine (lost my taste for tea actually) and have been sleeping when I get tired rather than having a cup or staying up and my body has miraculously re-regulated to a normal sleep schedule where I actually wake up in the morning well rested.

JS0404

WC3, Thanks! I will definitely cut back on my work hours once my treatment starts. I'm working with my boss to redistribute some of my work load. We're around the same age and his mom his going through chemo now. I think that is why he is being so adamant about me taking as much time as I need to rest and spend time with my daughter. I'm really grateful that my company has been so understanding. With all of my appointments and tests, I don't feel like I've been very productive in the past few weeks. My mind is all over the place and I have a hard time focusing. I'm hoping that this will get better once I adjust to my "new normal". I think working from home would be a happy medium.

Tresjoli2

hi. So I had chemo after surgery, but I had an 8yo and a 2yo at the time. I did work full time, but I did a 9/4 schedule. Meaning I worked 9 hours Mon through Thurs, and then took 4 hours of FMLA on Friday. Then rested over the weekend. It is possible, but it also hard. For me, the third day after chemo was the hardest. Toward the end, I couldn't work on Mondays anymore...

I couldn't bear to stay home and think about my cancer. For me, getting up and going to work like I always did was therapeutic. But each person is different. Hugs as you make your decision.

BeingPositive

Hi, i am 40 and going through same dilema now. I too have to go through chemo first and then surgery and my chemo starts tomorrow. My manager has been very supportive and she had to go through this journey 5 years back. She has also suggested that i can take short term disability if i want to. But she had taken intermittant leaves when she went through this process and continued to work. My husband’s suggestion is to continue some form of work to keep mind busy and to continue leading life as normal as possible. I agree to it but i am not sure if i willwant to go in public after physical appearance changes. So for now i have taken just few days off, will see how my body reacts after first cycle and then will decide. Making decision is the most tricky part of this journey. Wishing you best luck and praying that He will lead us on right path.

JS0404

Thank you for all of the feedback. This website has been so helpful. This whole process has been so overwhelming. Best of luck to you all

pajim

I was 40 when I did chemo for Stage 3 cancer. No kids though. What I did was have chemo on Wednesday. Take Thursday and Friday off, then work the next 10 days.

So basically I took 3 days off every two weeks. And I made sure I only worked a 7 hour day (unlike my usual 9). Technically I was on short-term disability but my company self-insures [at full salary] so it was no problem to work.

One of the reasons to work is that I don't like sitting around the house. As I have no kids I'd have nothing but time on my hands and I'd spend all that time feeling sorry for myself. Not good.

I found chemo relatively easy. Your experience may vary. It feels like your employer is right there willing to work with you. So see how it goes? If chemo causes you more problems than you think you apply for disability then. Or work a reduced schedule. Your daughter is in school so you could work until 2 and be home when she gets home?

FarAwayToo

I was 40 when I was diagnosed and also had neoadjuvant chemo. I took three weeks off when I was just diagnosed for all the baseline tests and while figuring out treatment plan. Those first weeks are the most intense, then chemo starts and you get into a rhythm.

I came back part time (I was able to have it as intermittent leave where the time I didn't work was covered by my disability policy). I first worked 20-30 hours, then, towards the end of chemo I was so tired, and I also had harder chemo at the end, some weeks I could barely put 16 hours. My children are older, I only have a teenager at home now, but I was still driving school carpool once a week, taking him to activities etc.

If you have the option of taking intermittent leave, I highly recommend it. You are not going to be bedridden all the time, but there will be days where work is the last thing you need. I remember having to cancel a work call by guiding my husband through my email and dictating what to reply, because I was so nauseous I couldn't look at a screen. Granted, this only happened once during my treatment, and was actually a result of stomach bug, not chemo itself. With chemo you soon figure out what days are "good days" and which ones will be tough, then you can plan your work better.

Also, while working my reduced schedule I was able to pay more attention to what I ate, exercise and meditation. I'm back full time now and have been for almost 6 months, and I'm again hurried.

As far as financial side of disability, depending on how much you make, you may not get a big hit compared to your previous take home. Keep in mind that disability payments are usually not taxed (if disability is through your employer, look at the policy, it may vary).

beeline

Another thing to consider is how much outside support you have in terms of meal prep, house cleaning, helping with your daughter up, etc. I have 2 daughters, 5 and 7, and just went back to work today after my first AC chemo treatment. If I had been on my own I definitely would have been ordering take away for dinner the whole week of chemo, and this week back to work I will struggle to do any cooking. That said, I surprisingly enjoyed going back to work despite really not loving my job -- I think the sense of purpose to do with something non-cancer can be quite beneficial. Also in terms of focus, I am actually much more focused now that I've started treatment than I was for the months of testing and diagnosis. It's a miracle I got anything done at all then.

It is a lot to consider, but if you have a flexible boss (and it sounds like you do), I think it's worth exploring ways to continue working especially if working from home is an option. Good luck!

JS0404

Intermittent leave sounds like a good idea. I will also see if they’d let me work 6-7 hour days. That way I’d have a chance to rest between work and picking up my daughter. Thanks for the tips

Jimiwithani

I just finished my third chemo and each week due to fatigue and side effects I’ve been out a week each time. My supervisor assured me at diagnosis of his support but now is making it stressful as I can’t keep up. I’m a sr staff so my job is extremely demanding and so is my supervisor. In fact he can be a reall ass hole when he is in a mood

Chemo is hell. I have three more 4-6 weeks anticipating out for bilateral mastectomy 6 weeks tradition and targeted therapy every three week until July 19.

I have short term and long term disability. I’ve been at my job 21 years but it all seems sketchy. I worry about work when I’m not there and when I’m there. My oncologist and I both prefer me to work but my stamina etc can keep up plus all this stress. I’m really considering taking it. My husband thinks I should to as I cry at least three days each chemo about work.

Thoughts.

WC3

beeline:

I've been eating out at food bars a lot during chemo. I found it was a lot easier and more cost effective than making meals at home because I can get a little of various different things and if I can't eat it I can return it.

edwards750

Jimi - I think you should do what is the least stressful for you. I understand your oncologist thinks you should keep working but she’s not you. It sounds like you have a very stressful job. I did too plus my job was night hours and quite a distance from home so I quit however, I only worked PT because I was getting early retirement money so I had to limit my hours.

Breast cancer is stressful in and of itself so again if you can go on disability do it.

Good luck!

Diane

Tresjoli2

I just wanted to say that my kids ate way too much McDonalds...we spent too many hours all curled up in my bed watching movies instead of playing outside, they had to scrounge for clean clothes at times....but we got through it together, and when I got done with treatment, life crawled slowly back to normal. You got this ladies...

beeline

Love this post, thanks for the encouragement Tresjoli2!

And thanks for the food bar idea, WC3

Rambros

I did the opposite - I took my company’s short & long term disability coverage and stayed home all through surgery, chemo, more surgery and then started back part time from home during radiation. I figured this is my time to be a little selfish and to focus on just myself and my kids (they were 5 and 2). As someone else’s mentioned the $ you get from disability isn’t taxed and you have no 401k, FSA, or health insurance deductions so it’s not really 60% of your usual take home pay. So why go thru the hassle of working for only a little more money (if you can swing it)? It was nice to make my doctor appointments without worrying about work schedules, watch tv, make healthy food, and go on walks. Losing my hair and being bald was really hard for me and i needed to get used to it privately before I could face the world. Good luck to you all

JS0404

Rambros. After looking at all of my options, I’ve decided to be “selfish” and take the time off. My supervisor and I agreed that being in and out of the office is actually creating more work for me. I’m going to have the dose dense chemo so that means AC every two weeks for 4 cycles, then Taxol once a week for 12 weeks. I’m going to try to work the first few cycles. Plus, I’m already out of vacation and personal time and I only have about 3 weeks of sick time left.