Preparing for the worst

Jadedjo

Since diagnosis I been preparing for the worst.

Sending my moms ashes to her estate executor to be spread,soon to be sending what turned out to be a family heirloom to a relative (using money I can't afford to use but whatever). Going through my storage and getting rid of things,soon to be getting rid of stuff in my apt too.doing a first sweep then have  to go over again and again and get rid of more until there is not much left and I have to be finished by surgery whenever that is .(most being donated to goodwill)

As soon as I find out surgery date (likely wensday) I will be writing out a final wishes and will about what to do with my belongings should the worst happen.

Just wondering if this is normal? Have others done anything similar after diagnosis?

I think part of it is I've learned the painfully hard way never to be hopeful because I will always be disappointed and betrayed so I'm not really relying on their "we caught it early" as much as I wish they are right.early for them is completely different then what early for me means.

What makes it even more painful is this is all I have left in the world, my stuff. People have proven to me since I announced I have cancer that I don't have them. And now I have to get rid of it. Like always. Story of my life I'm always the one who loses.

This ain't doing wonders for my already damaged mental health issues, I would like to say.

JoyceA

Don’t get rid of your possessions. You will need and want them after your surgery. I think for some people going through our belongings is normal. I wrote letters to loved ones with jewelry explaining why I chose to give it to them. After recovering from surgery I opened the envelopes and wore my jewelry. I was preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. I hope like me you get the best outcome for you. For me it was a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction and no chemo

mustlovepoodles

i can relate. I didn't feel the need to dispense with my possessions, but i did update my will and powers of attorney. DH did the same thing when he was so sick with heart failure.

Don't be quick to get rid of things. Tidy things up. Lay in some easy to manage groceries and frozen dinners for post-op. You might want to buy a foam wedge to sleep on and a shower chair. My wedge cost about $25, but i found thee shower chair at the thrift store for less than $10.

rachelcarter35

Statistically breast cancer is usually not a death sentence. I never for a second have expected anything but getting past this to live the rest of my life and enjoying it. Getting organized, updating your affairs is always a good idea though.

Jadedjo

Thanks all,I think it's more that surgery and other treatments do come with risks.

My moms ashes should have been spread a long time ago and I didn't know the family heirloom was a heirloom until just recently. Since I have no one to hand it down to and never will after this it might as well go to another family member.

I wish I could find a wedge for $25 around here they are over $100.

It's stuff that needed to be done anyways but I'm doing it now with the background that I may not be alive by Xmas due to complications. I'm trying to be hopeful that things will be successful but it's hard to do after having things blow up in your face for about five years now.im also doing it with the knowledge that I won't be able to lift up the heavy containers for a long while after surgery. Hopefully I'm not moving anytime soon....I feel like I just jinxed myself...

Thank you.

mustlovepoodles

i got mine from Bed, Bath, & Beyond and i KNOW it didnt cost as anywhere near $100. Check them out online.

Beatmon

I’m going through all of my closets and drawers,,getting rid of 35 years in our house. My hubby is 70 and I’m 66....don’t want my kids to have to do it, and we don’t really have the same tastes. I’ve had to clear out 3 homes ....what a mess. Just don’t get rid of too much. I’ve now officially lasted 4 years with MBC

Jadedjo

Did check it out online, started checking when the acid reflux acted up. Right now none available in city for less then $80 which is more money then I have to spare especially right now. If I order from online I will still be paying close to that amount for shipping and handling. Can't win either way. I'm scraping by as it is.  Stuff seems to be really expensive around here. No clue why.

Jadedjo

@beatmon.

 Mostly I'm trying to get rid of stuff that I haven't used in a long time. Clothes I am unlikely to wear. The other stuff belonged to my parents, some is my childhood stuffed animals that I thought I would be able to hand down. 

Now knowing I won't have any kids to hand down to you would think it was easier but it's not. Some of them I had since birth so they are over 40 years old.

I was forced to sacrifice a lot  my stuff three  times, first was moving back home after my dad died to move in with my mom, then when I had to sort through over 30 years of my pack rat  parents belongings  after my mom died because I was being ordered out of the family home in less then 6 weeks after being told I would have time to deal with it by the executor (Her excuse was it had to be empty to sell),then it was when I had to move from my bigger apt to this tiny place. I had to get rid a lot of my parents stuff and only keep a small amount which is what I am going through now. I never had a choice any of those times. It was do it to others satisfaction or lose it all.

Basically I'm trying to make things easier for the person who has to go through the stuff if I die which will probably be my landlord cause no one else in my life cares enough to deal with it and they will probably sell what they can and dump rest.

i got til surgery day to finish. And with the anesthesiaologist shortage here that might be a couple of months.yep the government makes cutbacks and we patients pay the price.

I hope you have many many more years ahead.

Blessed be.

sheila888

Hi Jo... this is the link for a wedge. If it doesn't work....Google home depot they have inexpensive wedges.

https://www.homedepot.com/p/Remedy-Natural-Pedic-Wedge-Memory-Foam-Pillow-with-Cover-64-00002/205105573?cm_mmc=Shopping|G|DD|D59|59-13_TEXTILES|NA|NA|71700000032321864|58700003838920735|92700034378436920&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6cH09bLX3AIVBSlpCh0Z7w8hEAQYAiABEgJ6u_D_BwE&dclid=CN_MiL2z19wCFcpCDAodX60CJg

Jadedjo

Thank you

mustlovepoodles

I just did an Amazon search for "foam wedge pillow" and came up with about a dozen good options, $25-39. I would imagine shipping might be $10 or so, unless you find one with free shipping

Anonymous

"As soon as I find out surgery date (likely wensday) I will be writing out a final wishes and will about what to do with my belongings should the worst happen."

Jadedjo, I think this is something that should be done by everyone. I've had a will for many years and updated it a few months ago....before I was diagnosed with cancer. I think it just makes good sense.

Wills can be costly but if you need a *simple will, it can be done online at legalzoom or nolo for a fraction of the cost of using an attorney.

Additional information: What Happens If You Die Without a Will?, which can vary by state.

Personally, I haven't written a will to prepare for the worst, but to make it easier for my beloved family when I go on to a better place.

For tangible items, you can write a list of who you want to get what. No lawyer needed but it needs to be dated, signed and witnessed, then put in a safe place. I've told my family members where all my legal documents are located.

oxygen18

Jo, you got some great comments above, I 'll mention that if cash flow is tight and if you have the time, there are some $0 solutions.

Estate planning: assuming it is a very simple estate, you can search online for a sample basic will for your jurisdiction, and you can copycat it with appropriate changes. Some assets, a will cannot cover. Retirement funds usually require their own beneficiary forms. Of course it is best to use an atty. or at least an online service, but if money is not immediately available, DIY is better than nothing.

Medical power of attorney, it is possible you cancer center might offer advice on that.

You could make do with plain pillows you already have, instead of a wedge. You can make extra pillows by stuffInc pillowcases with soft clothing. Or fashion a small blanket into desired shape, secured with some quick stitches that you will remove afterwards.

I was gifted several cute pillows in a variety of shapes, but I just used a mound of my regular pillows, they worked best for me, and Goodwill got the cutesy ones.

In retrospect, I wished I had gotten a shower chair/stool. Perhaps if you have a small plastic chair or stool around the house, you can use that, and of course you'd make sure to protect the bathtub with a rubber mat underneath.

Decluttering sounds great, especially if done after surgery. I have a collection of books on decluttering, and I read them at bedtime, seems to help declutter my mind of needless thoughts that interfere with sleep.

Jadedjo

Thanks all,yes money is very tight especially right now a and my diet changed and I spend more money on food.

I already got the pillow mound for my acid reflux problem is come morning I'm at the bottom of it

Sadly my itty bitty shower stall (seriously it doesn't fit two skinny people in it) barely holds my fat butt I don't know if it would fit a shower chair holding my fat butt.

I have no extra cash to speak of so pretty much it's belongings and family items like my mom and dads rings,stuff in storage etc.my DVD collection I been building since DVDs were created.i will look into what the province has available online.

After my appt wensday when I have more info about the cancer I have I will be contacting the Canadian cancer society and asking about estate planning when one has no money but belongings.

I'm told by someone who went through breast surgery (somebody who knew somebody else) not very long ago that wait times for surgery is 4-6 weeks but that was before cutbacks and medical personnel shortages so who knows now.

Thanks all for your answers and suggestions.

WC3

I understand the wanting to get rid of stuff. I've always had the desire for my stuff to be nice and organized if I die.

I didn't go on an organizing spree but I did seal up some windows and have someone come in and clean in preparation for possibly being immunocompromised. I do need to make some preparations for surgery.

Dhanno

Hi Jadedjo

My biggest worry is not dying of BC but my messy cluttered apartment .Because of my boys education I was living in this house for last 5 years as it was close to school and city .It is small and disorganised .I was very close to buying a new big house and then came the breast cancer diagnosis and everything came to a stand still . All I want is to get done with the treatment and move into a new house so that I get rid of excess stuff . In case I die I do not want my parents and sisters to see this bad state of my house .What will they think of me .All I want to do is die peacefully in a nice beautifully organised well kept house . I know BC is not going to kill me but I do want to sort out few things in advance .

Jadedjo

We have been having what's considered a heatwave for this area so I been going through my apt and getting rid of clothes. And sorting through things to prepare for surgery and after and I'm having a hell of a time because we are in a dang heatwave but surgery is October which is that in between place for us as it can still warm but can be bitterly cold too so I been getting thin and thick sweaters and my fall jackets ready. I also have to go get my orange hoodie out of basement storage as it's going to be my indoor jacket for awhile until I heal enough to  lift my arms high enough to put my shirts and sweaters on.when I have money I need to go to the thrift store to see if I can find any roomy men's flannel button up shirts cause I will be living in those the first few weeks.

I am trying to get rid of some bags and purses.you know how some people collect shoes,with me it's bags and purses about 20 yrs worth. Last count it was over 100 I haven't been able to buy new ones for a few years now.I switch every week so they are all in pretty good condition if somewhat dated. Out of that over a 100 I was only able to give up 5. I'm such a hoarder. I got to put half in storage and am keeping what I will be able to use for the next 6-8 months after surgery. I'm putting away most of the backpacks because from what I read it creates a trigger of lymphedema and I'm pissed off about it.

Like I said this cancer is taking EVERYTHING from me.

i can't even carry on my main shoulder anymore because of it or do much of anything.

Not getting rid  of as much as I should and I hate myself for it. I'm telling myself if I survive surgery and whatever after treatment, I will get back to it after I fully healed and get rid of more. Will do another run through in the spring if I'm alive. My biggest issue right now is getting all that crap downstairs into storage.

Some of it is smaller sized clothes (just by one size all it would take is a 20-pound loss for it to be loose) and I'm hoping to fit into it again since I have changed my foods and am exercising regularly and hope to keep that up after I get the ok from the docs.

Wc3

I already talked to my landlord my shower has mildew problems and broken caulking and he said if I find out I have to do chemo he will replace the inner lining of the shower. He should be doing it anyways but getting him to do anything isn't easy.  great thing about having a wee little space as a shower it's an easy job. He is supposed to put in a detachable shower head too before end of September. I will have to get there with bleach and scrub  down everything if I end up being in that poison too.

Dhanno

I think the biggest thing to worry about is getting healthy,I have learned  in the end the only one who really cares about your small cluttered space is you unless you have some seriously superficial people in your life.

They likely only care about you getting better not your house and it's disorganization. You will get your beautiful well kept  house eventually. Think of as the prize after winning a horribly awful contest that you didn't want to be in.

Blessed be.