Waiting for biopsy results: Scared and angry at myself.

choie

Hi everyone. Thanks to the admins of this site, and the community too, for being such a remarkable and supportive resource.

I'm a 51- (almost 52-)year-old woman, obese, never pregnant. My then-60-year-old sister was dx with breast cancer last year. (Had a bunch of stuff there--Lobular and Ductal, spread to 1 out of 5 nodes; had lumpectomy and radiation, thus far a year later is fine.) No other breast cancer history in family.

Back in November I had my screening mamm. (and a diagnostic to follow, which turned out to be nothing). Then about ten days ago, I noticed a large, hard lump in my right breast, right under the nipple and areola . And a flattening nipple. I have no idea how long these things had been there: I don't check my breasts (stupid) and as I'm very single, no one else is feeling 'em either.

I had already decided to call my gyno ASAP, but the next morning before I did, I also saw a white/cream-colored drop of discharge after I pressed on the nipple. OMG, that totally freaked me out. As a nulliparous woman I have never seen anything come out of there! About three months ago I dealt with an uterine cancer scare that turned out to be hyperplasia, which put me on oral progesterone until I got approved for an IUD (Mirena). The IUD's only been in for about six weeks.

Got my gyno appt. a week later, which was obligatory even though I knew this lump, which feels like it's the size of a walnut, was almost certainly serious. Doc felt me up, said "yup, that's a lump all right, though it feels encapsulated..." and sent me for a mamm and ultrasound, which I got two days later. They knew I'd need a biopsy. All the radiologist told me was "There is something there that wasn't at your last mammogram." Like, duh? It's a massive lump inside me, I could've told her that!

Long story short (too late), Had the core needle biopsy Friday (8/3) from which they took about four or five samples. When they did the ultrasound I happened to turn and look at the screen, and unfortunately I saw that on the Doppler, um, screen, there looked to be a lot of different colors, which as far as I've seen, that's bad and indicates vascularity.

Biopsy was easy. Doc told me they'd probably have the tests back by Wednesday (8/8). I asked her if the lump was solid, and she said that she did get some fluid, but it seemed "thick" whatever that means.

So here I am, waiting and certain I'm going to get a very bad result. I have everything against me (my fault, mostly):

- Obesity. Most large breasts present with larger, later-stage lumps.

- Diabetes Type II. Also big risk.

- Interval lump. Apparently most lumps found inter-screening are aggressive cancers?

- Hard lump, inverted nipple, discharge: Sounds solid and bad. Supposedly white discharge is less indicative of cancer than bloody/clear (and actually I haven't had any discharge since that one time, no matter how much I prod).But still. I should not be lactating at my age, without any kids!

- Doppler colors: indicative of vascularity, and thus, cancer.

So I'm terrified. I'm also SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF because

a) I was getting healthier last year, lost a lot of weight, lowered my AIC, but then due to the uterine cancer scare I went off my diet and binged myself back to my original weight. Probably fed the tumor with all the nice fat-stored estrogen it wanted.

b) WHY DIDN'T I ASK MORE QUESTIONS OF THE RADIOLOGIST? I'm infuriated that for some reason I just couldn't think of what to ask. I should've brought my sister (the one who had BC last year) in with me. I'm such an idiot. I suppose it doesn't really make a difference since it's so incredibly likely that this is cancer, but this is my health here and I just asked the most banal questions. The docs weren't offering any info, and it's my place to be proactive. I don't even know my BI-RADS level, although it's besides-the-point now. If it weren't a 4 or 5, they wouldn't have sent me in for a biopsy, right?

That's all. Just wanted to vent because I'm just going crazy with fear and self-recriminations.

Oh, I guess one more question: Anyone know if the addition of the hormones (oral progesterone for about 2 months, then insertion of the Mirena IUD) have made things worse too?

Also, is there a thread with a list of questions I should ask my doctor when she calls with my cancer diagnosis? I'm gonna need a script because clearly I am going to be an even bigger basket case than I already have been.

Whew. Thank you for reading (anyone who made it down this far!). Sorry to ramble, it's what I do when I'm scared and confused.

moth

Hi choie - sorry you find yourself here. I really don't think there's any point in self recriminations now. Woulda shoulda coulda - whatever. It's done, kwim? Stay in the present & make positive and optimistic plans for the future.

And don't borrow trouble yet. Again, stay in the present. If it comes back positive, you will have time to think about what it is and what to do. You'll handle it.

If your doctor says it's malignant, the questions I'd ask are: what type? what grade? hormone receptor status? I'd ask to get physical or email copies of your mammos, ultrasounds & pathology reports. And ask whether your doctor is referring you to a breast surgeon or oncologist first.

Moderators

Dear choie,

We are so sorry that you are going through this worry and it sounds like you are doing some self blaming too which can be even more stressful. We are sure that many here can relate to where you are. You have come to a supportive and caring community. There is a list of links to resources around Imaging and Radiologist questions that you can find in the Not Diagnosed but Worried Forum. Here is a link to questions that you can pose to your doctor if you should receive a cancer diagnosis. We always suggest that regardless of where things are offer yourself the possibility that this is not cancer. We have heard that it is more possible to cope with what you know than what you don't know so answers regardless of what they are will bring information with which you can manage. Keep us posted on what you learn and let us know how we can be of help.

The Mods

Runrcrb

chole- don’t beat yourself up. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You’ve done the right thing by jumping on the lump you felt. Wait for the results- yes there are articles on BCO to help with questions. Take someone with you to any subsequent appointments with directions to take notes (and type them up and email them to you!).

Starting today, get back on your healthy eating- small changes can make a big difference. And take a walk. And keep taking walks. Should you have cancer the best thing you can do to prepare for treatment is work on your fitness and overall health.

Do not beat yourself self up. YOU did not bring on this health scare.

All the best for a benign outcome