Very suspicious tumor

lacrimosa

Hello ladies,

I am writing on behalf of my mother. 4 days ago, she noticed a dimpling on her left breast and as soon as I googled it, I knew it was something bad. Yesterday we went to a GP, mammo + ultrasound they found a 2cm tumor on her breast. The doctor said it is most probably cancer. Also took biopsy from it. We will have the exact results in 7-10 days. They could see some micro things on 2 lymph nodes as well but they say it is not a big deal. She is 61 yo, in menopause and she is all I have. (My father died long time ago, no siblings etc.)

I am beyond shocked. The fear is taking over my body. I feel like I can't breathe. I keep thinking what if it's spread to her bones, lungs, chest, anywhere. She seems incredibly healthy but I can't stop thinking about it. I am so scared for her. I am so scared about the days we will have to face. Chemo, surgery and all the other things.

I am so scared that I will lose her. I really really need some comfort and need to know that I am not alone. I am freaking out but I don't want her to see me like this.

Moderators

Dear lacrimosa,

We are so sorry for you mom's situation and your own worry. For now it sounds like you do not have a definitive diagnosis and that can be the hardest time as there is not much you can do while waiting for answers. If her tumor does turn out to be cancer she will be offered treatment and a plan of action that can help you both to focus and turn your attention towards recovery. Keep us posted on what you learn and we can direct you to the appropriate resources here on the boards. Try to distract yourself in the meantime. As long as you do not have a diagnosis we suggest that you do not continue to think about the worst case scenarios. It still could turn out to be benign and if it is cancer it may not be all that you are worrying about with respect to treatment etc.The Mods

lacrimosa

We are gonna get the results tomorrow and my anxiety is beyond control. Any tips

mustlovepoodles

If the usual meditation/yoga/exercise distractions don't work for you, or don't work well enough, talk to your doctor about your anxiety. Some of us needed a little anti-anxiety for a short while to help us deal with the enormous, sometimes crushing anxiety we experience as a result of the testign and treatment for breast conditions.

lacrimosa

I have panic attack and panic disorder already. I am trying SO HARD to look chill in front of my mama.

to be honest at this point all my panic attacks look so....insignificant. I feel like I finally have a real fear to worry about. I just dont know how to cope with it. I am getting married in 11 days and I cant evem concentrate on it. I feel no excitement or joy. All I can think is what to do if she has

mustlovepoodles

lacrimosa, I know you are distraught over this. However, grieving now, in anticipation of bad news, is just not productive. You know that. Being upset and immobilized by fear isn't going to change the outcome at all. You're going to have to find a way to focus on those parts of your life that you can control, like your wedding. I'm sure your mother could also use the distraction, too.

I'm a mother of adult children. I would be devastated if they put their lives on hold and ceased to function because they feared I had cancer. Heck, after my diagnosis, when my DD and DH decided they would shave their heads in support of me during chemo, I wasn't having it! I appreciated their concern, but I just didn't want to be reminded of my cancer every time I looked at their bald heads. What I needed and what they thought I needed were two different things. They wanted to shave their heads so they would feel like they were doing something, not because it would actually make my treatment better.

I subscribe to the "I'll be upset when there's something to be upset about" routine. This isn't cancer until pathology proves it. And if it is cancer, there will be plenty of time to grieve it LATER. Grieving now, when you have almost no information, is just a huge waste of life force. Put it on a shelf and leave it there for a few days. The waiting is hell, I know. Believe it or not, you'll both feel like you have more control once you have more information AND a plan in place. Even if it's bad news.

Good luck to you both.