A Place to Have a Good Cry

sm627

Dear Sisters,

It has been almost a year since all this breast cancer came into my life and changed it forever. I find myself crying a lot more then i ever had before the long sobbing cries help me the most. I'm able to let all my feelings out the anger, sadness, fear of the unknown, and the what if feelings. The loss of control and dealing with the fact that your body is no longer healthy. I've gone to some pretty dark places with all my tears, but when the crying finally does stop I feel better. I think crying has been a part of my healing process because I have let my body release all the deep feeling that I have been holding in.

Where are your go to places to have a good cry? Mine are:

The Bathroom at home and work

Bedroom

The Bus -Not sure why I cry on the bus I usually like to cry in privet.

How has crying helped you along this journey?

If you need to let your emotions run free here is a place to let your tears fall where they may.

Hugs and Love to all,

Sara

moth

Hi Sara,

I thought of this song for you & for all of us who need to cry

hugs

sm627

Thank You Moth! This song is beautiful and helps me so much. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you shared it with all of us.

Thank You!

Hugs,

Sara

kandyhunt

loved the song. Finally had my first big cry today. I am so tired of not sleeping and being in pain. 30 days out from BMX with 22 lymph nodes removedfrom my left arm. Believe it or not I feel better.

sm627

Dear Kandyhunt,

Glad you were able to have your big cry today I hope it helped a little. Wishing you all the best in your recovery I know what a long time it can take seems like an eternity. Sorry you had to have so many nodes removed.

Overall how are you doing?

Sending you good healing thoughts.

Hugs,

Sara

kandyhunt

sm627. I am doing pretty good. The pain in the evening is a killer but my outlook it amazing. They did an Oncotype test and I scored a zero. The oncologist said that I am cancer free free. No Chemo, no radiation. And I should be all happy and smiles. But I am taking the hormone drug. I think it is messy with my head.

Thanks for asking. How are you doing?

molliefish

I'm glad to hear you are cancer free Kandyhunt.

We had another Kandy here who we miss dearly. She was strong and beautiful like you.

sm627

Hi Kandyhunt,

So happy to hear that you are cancer free! I know that is something to celebrate. At the same time I understand were you are coming from about your head and emotions being messed around with. Are you taking Tamoxifen? I am taking that and I find myself to be much more emotional then I ever was before the tears come more often now a days. What changes have you noticed since you started taking your hormone drugs?

If you could be totally honest with yourself I do you truly feel about everything you have been though?

I take one day at a time. Some days are much better then others. I think for me the whole experiences is something that is hard for me to put behind me all at once even though it has been a year. I think about what happened more often then I would like, but I guess that is a part of the healing process and eventually it will fade as more time passes. Somethings that bring me joy and helps me remember how wonderful life is are my friends and family and working I teach preschool. I also like to do creative art projects. All of these things help calm my mind and brings me happiness.

What do you like to do for fun?

Oh I do remember the pain at night after my mastectomy it was the worst I took norco for about a month just to be able to sleep. Are you taking your pain killers often? Do you have a good support system around you?

Sending you good thoughts.

Hugs,

Sara

Ruby81

Dear Kandyhunt,

Hugs to you girl, I pray that each of us share this amazing news soon on this platform, I have had the most positive feeling today reading your post.

I am too emotional myself as I and my close gal, both have just done our diagnoses and it's just the early stages, I would like each women out there to take good care of her self and live a Everydayhealth healthy life.

Sending Positive thoughts, love to all.

Cheers,

Ruby

kandyhunt

sm627-- no pain meds. Only Tylonol and ibuprofen. Florida has some really strict laws about pain meds.

I am taking Anastrozole as I am in menopause. The side effects have been small. At first some joint pain now nothing except I am feeling blue more often.

If I was honest about how I feel I feel angry that I am here doing all this. I had a summer full of plans and I have not been able to do any of them Because of this. I searched for years and was able to track down my husband's half sister. We sort knew she existed but didn't know her name or where she lived. She lives in California and is tuning 80 this month. We had planned on being there for her birthday. My husband's father was a womanizer and had 5 wives. So we were finally able to finalize the adoption of our 16 year old foster son and were planning on taking him to Disneyland and visit the sister.

I feel happy and blessed that I don't have to do chemo or radiation. But my healing and getting back to work has just taken too long in my opinion. The people around me say that it hasn't been that long and to give myself a break.

I love to read, travel and hang out at Disney(it's in my backyard) my brain has been too foggy to read for any length of time and my doctor says I can't fly for at least 8-12 weeks after surgery and it's too much to go over to the park and hang out and besides its summer and too hot. LOL.

Taking it one day at a time is good advise. And I look forward to next year when this is just a bad memory.

sm627

Wow Kandyhunt,

You have gone through so much in life and to have breast cancer come into your life that is a lot to handle all at ones. That is wonderful that you have adopted a teenage son and be a positive influence in his life.

I understand your anger cancer puts life on hold and being patient as we wait for our bodies to heal is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do. When all we want to do is hurry up the process so we can get back to the enjoyable parts of our life. That is amazing that you were able to find your husbands half sister, so sorry that you wont be able to meet her and celebrate her birthday. I remember last summer I was going to visit my aunt for her 80th birthday, but I could not because of my mastectomy that truly sucked. I know you have so much crap to go through with recovery I wish you better days as time continues to pass. I remember my oncologist told me it can take up to a year for you to fully recover because of all the darn nerves that take for every to wake up, and I have noticed that she was right.

How horrible that you can't get more pain meds I think sometimes the laws about drugs have gone to far. Congratulations on no chemo or radiation that is a big happy moment!

Hope you suddenly get some cool temps in the middle of summer so you can enjoy Disney World I know it is wishful thinking but it could happen.

When do you think the time would be right for some day trips some where close by for some summer fun.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery.

Hugs,

Sara

edwards750

kandyhunt - you scored a zero on your Oncotype test? I’ve never heard of anyone who got that score. My score was 11. Still low but not zero.

Diane

kandyhunt

edwards750 Yes I got a ZERO. My oncologist was so excited that when the test results came in he called me before the appointment to tell me. My friend who has breast cancer said that her oncologist said he had only seen a zero once before. Mine told me this was his first zero. I didn't cry when i was diagnosed but I cried when I got the news of the zero. an 11 is a pretty good score also. Will you have to do radiation and/or chemo?

I am back to work today. I have worked from home but it felt good to get out of the house for something other than a doctors appointment. I have had some really great friends who have visited me at home. and others that have brought meals in. So I know that i am loved.

sm627 Cool temps don't come to central Florida unless a hurricane is coming so for now i am hoping for no cool weather. It was 81 degrees this morning at 8am driving in to work. LOL but at least we don't get snow in the winter. I think I will plan on going to Fort Lauderdale beach to a cute little resort that has all the great things; private beach, pools, spa and balcony. We try and go about 4 times a year, just hubby and I. So since our new son has not ever been and we didn't get to do anything as a family this summer I think we will try and find a time to go with him. He did get over to Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios on Saturday for a bit a of fun on Saturday. Living so close to Disney World we all have annual passes. The resort is call Lago Mar. It is amazing and relaxing. And I crave it now that we found it. My husband grew up in the Fort Lauderdale area as a kid. So really I need to stop complaining because my life is really not that bad.

edwards750

Wow Kandy that’s an incredible score. I did do radiation but my Oncotype score allowed me to dodge chemo thankfully.

My hubby and I took our son to Disney World and then Universal Studios the next year. It was pricey but fabulous. We have such great memories of the trips. He was young enough when we went to Disney to still love Mickey Mouse. We have the cutest pics of him with the Disney characters. A friend of his from school was there at the same time so hehooked up with him one afternoon. I think every kid should go to Disney at least once.

Have a great summer!

Diane

LoveFromPhilly

Hi! just weepy today. sort of panic attack-y today and yesterday - I am traveling and not in my little comfort zone of my home back on the east coast. Feeling some stomach discomfort and a lack of appetite and noisy belly with some needs to go to the bathroom more frequently. Not sure what/why this is happening. I am guessing this is a crash day? Just took a valium and am resting in bed (in the air conditioning thank goodness!). Just needed to vent/cry/mope a little. Thank you for creating a space where I am able to do so. Hugs to all!

JoyceA

LoveFromPhilly - I’m sorry your having an anxious bad day. Glad you had Valium to take. Hopefully you can relax and enjoy a good movie or book. This is a great place when you need to cry, vent or anything else we need

I hope tomorrow is better for you.

Joyce

LoveFromPhilly

Thank you JoyceA it does feel good to have permission to just stop and be under the covers some days. The tears won't stop flowing and of course get worse when I try to talk about it. I don't even know what the "it" is! I think I may have overdone it so far in my vacation-mode. I usually rest quite a bit more back home and I am pushing myself to see friends and attend gatherings here. Very content in the bed right now. Excited to watch The Bachelorette Finale tonight

JoyceA

Philly, hope you got plenty of rest and feel better today. Joyce

Puzzlewoman

I need to have a good place to cry right now. I am doing well with my healthand was trying to get on with my life, and today I found out that my aunt, who had stage 3 colon cancer several years ago, was diagnosed with more tumors and they think it has metastasized to her bones. We’re a very close family and this is just devastating. 😢

kandyhunt

Oh Puzzlewoman, that is so sad. This thing we call cancer can be so devastating. When family members have health issues and there is nothing we can do to "fix" it is the hardest. At least for me. When I came here in July I didn't know how much I was keeping in. The song that is above really helped. It sound crazy but even a good "ugly" cry as they call it in the South also helped. I am not even close yet to being 100% and some days feel as if I am in limbo but I know I am here with other woman going through the same sort of thing. I will add you to my prayers. You are not alone.

Kandy

Puzzlewoman

Kandy, thanks so much for your kind words! I will be visiting her with my parents tomorrow, and hoping I can help in any way.

You are in my prayers too.

sm627

Hi Everyone,

I have been reading your most recent posts. My heart goes out to you all and I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now.

LovefromPhilly, I hope things are getting a little better have you returned home yet from your trip. How are you feeling

Puzzlewoman, I totally understand what you are going through both of my aunts have recently been having some major health problems has well. I hope you are able to spend has much time with your aunt as possible and enjoy all the good moments you have with her. Family is so important. How are you holding up and feeling?

Kandyhunt, how are you doing?

Hugs,

Sara

sm627

I wanted to share this song with you all. This song gave me a safe place to express all my emotions, and I was able to have some very good crying moments.

Sending Love and Hugs to all

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIUfBkxeLQ8

kandyhunt

sm627-- I'm not going to say I am doing great because I am now going to have to have my TE replaced as it has gone flat. It is a setback that sucks as the PS is so busy I dont know when I will get on his schedule. Thanks for the song. Sanctuary. It is truly needed.

Puzzlewoman--how is your aunt doing?

sm627

Hi Kandyhunt,

I am so sorry that you are going through so much more crap this truly sucks. I hope you will be able to see your PS sooner rather then later. I know how hard it can be to get in to see PS and BS. I had to wait a month before seeing my PS and my BS I won't be able to see until December she is all booked up for November which was when I was going to see her.

How long has your expander been flat for? What kind of reconstruction do you plan on having? How are you feeling it sound so frustrating. If you need to vent we are all here to listen.

Wishing you some better news soon.

Hugs

Puzzlewoman

All, I’m sorry, but my aunt is not doing so well. She won’t be with us much longer. It’s rough to deal with right now. I just pray she can find some peace away from her pain

sm627

Oh Puzzlewoman, so sorry to hear about your aunt. Both of you will be in our thoughts and prays. Sending you lot of love and hugs. I hope that all of her loved ones like you can help ease her pain with all the love that you give her.

Thinking of you and your family.

Hugs and lots of Love!

Kiso20

So glad there is a place to vent. My surgery (nipple sparing dble bmx with expanders) is next Thursday and I’m starting to break down a little. I keep thinking all the horrible things that can go wrong (I’m a bit of a pessimist). I had my last day of work yesterday and suddenly everything is so real. In less than a week my life will completely change

kandyhunt

Kiso20-- I know the feeling. It became very real when the days come closer and closer. But attitude is everything, I believe. Follow the doctor's orders and go out to the part of this site with other's that have had the same kind of surgery. It helps. I followed all of the posts on anything that was anything like I thought I might experience. Good luck on your surgery. Have they started a surgery for September, yet? I know I started the one for May or June, I can't remember which. Good luck on your surgery. I had a dble bmx with expanders also.