How do you do it

Anonymous

How do you do it

Lita19901

How do you go on when it has metastasized? What’s the point?

I know that some people talk about seeing children and grandchildren grow up, and about just wanting to live longer. But I would be a burden to my family if I prolong my life - I would be the perpetual problem to my husband and my kids. My kids are grown, my granddaughter is a teenager and my husband is going on with his normal activities while I am frozen with fear.

Does anyone else feel this way? I realize that it’s not confirmed but everything points to metastasis. I can’t think positive thoughts or put it out of my head or try to stay busy. It’s just not working for me and that makes me feel even worse. Other people can rise above it and find joy. I’m such a weakling and a failure that I know all I’ll be able to do is cry and hurt everyone around me. I just want it over

Lita19901

Somebody

smc123

Lita, What you wrote took a lot of courage. It is so honest and a real. I wish I had the right words to make you feel better. I, too, live with fears of the cancer returning. Please know you are not alone.

Egads007

Hi Lita19901- I'm sorry you're feeling alone and frozen with fear...this came such a short time after having gone through what you did just under a year ago. Please don't think that your worry or crying makes you a failure, it only makes you human. If we could collect all the tears shed in this community you could fill all the worlds oceans ten times over.....and not one member here is a failure. That includes you! Have you talked to your family about your feelings yet? I'm sure they don't find you a burden. I do think you're in the middle of an understandable depression and urge you to seek help from your medical team through therapy or medication. You shouldn't have have to suffer so badly. Why not giveback your MO or NP a call and have an honest discussion about how down you are. Help is there. Also read as many posts as you can, you'll see and get support from so many going through the same thing and are living happy lives. They have done it, continue to do it, and will help you do it! This is not the end for you, though I do understand it feels like it when waiting. We are all here for you, you are NOT a burden! Big hugs

Edited to say: I’m sorry I’m not much help, I do hope your results are good ones

Lula73

Lita- I just read your post and it was ironic as I was literally just wondering the same thing about 30 minutes ago. We’re moving forward with some renovations on our home and it’s scary to think what would happen if mets came up. You are definitely not alone. For me, I acknowledge the thought, reassure myself that I’ve done/I’m doing everything I can to get rid of it/prevent mets, and then I just keep moving forward because i will not let that fear stop me/us from realizing our dreams. My cousin just posted this quote from Winston Churchill earlier today and I think it fits.

Lita19901

Thank you all for reaching out to me, and for your encouragement. I truly appreciate it

illimae

You go on the same as if you didn’t metastasize. I don’t have children or grandchildren but I still feel good, I work and spend time with my husband. I think you just have to do normal things and focus on how you feel each day. Yes, I’ll die but not today!

Egads007

Wow Illinae, “yes, I’ll die but not today” words to live by!

Lita19901

illimae - I've read so many of your posts before today and thought that I wish I had your strength. And your courage.

I just don't know how to do what you're saying.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and sorry for the whining.

illimae

egads, it’s not an original statement, I just liked it too and pass it along.

Lita, you’re not whining. I too had some early dark days, I even told my husband he could get remarried about a week after my diagnosis. But I quickly realized that physically I didn’t feel different or worse than before, so why should I stop doing the things I enjoy? I was also lucky that chemo was fairly kind to me and I looked badass bald, lol

I can only recommend doing your normal things, get a good walk in for mind and body and have fun little things to look forward to.

LoriCA

You're allowed to whine here Lita19901, no apologies necessary. Hearing that your cancer is metastatic is scary and you need time to grieve, but eventually you do move on and start living again. You make your peace with it, and I think it helps put everything about life in a better perspective. There are ups and downs, physically and emotionally, but you go on living, determined to enjoy life as much as you can, paying attention to the people and things that deserve your attention and learning to let the rest of it go.

I don't have children either, but my diagnosis made my marriage even stronger. My husband and I are determined to spend as much time together as we can enjoying life. If your husband seems to not care right now, understand that he's probably scared too and doesn't know how to handle it. If your metastasis hasn't been confirmed yet, he may just be trying to deny that it could be true. He also needs some time to go through the grieving process, and we all handle it differently. Hopefully you'll find your way together and be a strong team.

Peacetoallcuzweneedit

Hi Lita - It really sucks that you are experiencing those feelings....it really sucks that you don't feel like you have the support around you, and Lita flat out --> you are not a failure or a weakling... and hey if that is how you cope by crying and releasing then that is what you do and seriously it is ok. Just know you are not alone - I mean we all handle it differently but there are women and men everywhere that sit and stare out into somewhere wondering "what the hell...how did I get here?" There is someone waking up in the middle of the night with a hot flash or to get a sip of water who just pray they are going to get back to sleep before the mind takes over and they are awake "wondering" the rest of the night. There is fear in all of us everywhere for different reasons - trust me you are not alone in this. There is a proverb I think about when fear shows up or I fall down the cancer hole (as I call it) - Fear knocked at my door.Faith answered. No one was there. I believe in God, but you don't have to understand faith in something - that proverb has helped me. I am waiting on another biopsy result as well...my colon. I had bilateral breast cancer and cervical cancer in situ the same week....and I keep thinking - "naw you can't get three cancers....I mean you have got to be kidding" Lita I am sooooooooo over worrying - so over it I could pueke....I just gave this fear away to some place else....if it is cancer again, then I will handle it. I have not told anyone about the biopsy because the one thing I know is, I can't take another stupid comment.... so Lita while I can't cry - if you can then let it out, and know - I am sending support.

KBeee

You are not a failure and are not weak. We have no control over the cards we're dealt. I hate the whole "fight" cancer thing because it implies that if it returns we did not fight hard enough. Wrong. It just means we had a f***ing badass tumor that outsmarted the drugs. This stupid disease is random and cruel. Most people I know live very well for years after metastasis. If/when it stops responding to medications, YOU get to decide when to stop treatment, but don't cross that road until you get to it, and you have more living to do before then.

Meg101

Lita, I've been following you for about a year but you wouldn't know that because I was lurking. However, after reading your post above, I felt heartbroken for you. You have been such an inspiration to me as I went through treatment. You helped me to laugh at myself. I'm reminded of your "Depends" incidents and how humorous you were about it. Reading about your experiences and how funny you are has lifted me during my moments of desperation. You have no idea how many lives you have touched. We all have down days and that's OK. Cancer is such a beast!! My heart aches with you, and I hope we can help you through these dark days. Please keep us posted about how you're doing whether you're crying, laughing, angry, or scared. We are in this with you. Hugs, Meg

Meg101

Lita, I've been following you for about a year but you wouldn't know that because I was lurking. However, after reading your post above, I felt heartbroken for you. You have been such an inspiration to me as I went through treatment. You helped me to laugh at myself. I'm reminded of your "Depends" incidents and how humorous you were about it. Reading about your experiences and how funny you are has lifted me during my moments of desperation. You have no idea how many lives you have touched. We all have down days and that's OK. Cancer is such a beast!! My heart aches with you, and I hope we can help you through these dark days. Please keep us posted about how you're doing whether you're crying, laughing, angry, or scared. We are in this with you. Hugs, Meg