Help me help my mother

Philly512

Hi everybody...hope you all are having a good day ...I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong board but given the circumstances I thought it would be better to post here instead of the family support board.

Here is the story, sorry in advance if it's too long ...My mother who lives 1000 miles away from me got diagnosed with invasive well differentiated DCIS on February 27th, thank god everything was discovered really early and her mass/tumor was only 7 mm. She had her first lumpectomy on march 22nd but pathology showed that her margins weren't completely clean (but her nodes were so woho for that and she got a second one on April 5th.

Yesterday she had her follow up and great news is that she is cancer free and doesn't have to get more surgeries for now ...her oncologist said she won't need chemo but she does need to be on tamoxifen and radiation for 6 weeks (5 days a week) to prevent it from coming back.

So here is where I need help, I flew to her city to be with her for the first appointment with the oncologist and for her surgeries as well but as the mother of 2 small kids and a family of my own I can't be there for her while she does radiation and I'm really nervous about it, she lives with my brother and sister in law but they both work so my mom will have to do the radiation treatment all alone ...her dr said she should be fine and that at most she would feel fatigued but that's about it but in my head I'm like mmm that's not what's I've been reading but i know it all comes to how each body reacts.

So is there anything I can do to help her even through the distance? Any products you recommend that I could put in a care package and send it to her? Should I be proactive and try to find somebody to go with her to her appointments? Idk, at this point I'm just so nervous and sad about the fact that I'm no there with her that I'm all over the place but at the same time I'm so thankful because I know we got really lucky and it could have been so so much worse.

Thank you in advance for any advice you guys can give me and let me know if this is better to be posted on the family support board

Shellsatthebeach

Hi Philly, you're correct that people react to treatments differently. Do you mind if I ask your mother's age? If she is relatively healthy, most people can bounce back from radiation. I was able to work with minimal side effects. Chemo was much worse for me as far as SE.

Something that may be helpful for your mother will be lotions during radiation, but dr can be picky on what is being used. You can always ask what they recommend and send it to her in a care package.

I wish you and your mom well and glad to hear they caught this early!

Hopeful82014

Depending on her age and personal comfort level as well as distance to the treatment facility, I don't think she would need someone to drive or to be with her every day. (She can tell them the best time of day for appointments so that she can work around them and/or choose times when traffic is light, etc.)

Based on my experience, having someone there for the simulation appointment (generally the longest one) and for the first treatment, and maybe the last, would be helpful. Those are very emotional situations and a loving (but very gentle!) hug would probably be welcome. She will probably be seeing her RO once every couple of weeks (If I remember correctly) while she's there for her treatment and IF she's having major issues she might want a family member there, might not. I did all of mine alone and it was not an issue.

I wish her well.

Philly512

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Thank you both for the advice. She just turned 55 and has an overall good health so hopefully that plays in her favor.

She actually lives in New York City and like a lot of people there she doesn’t drive and prefers the public transportation because of how hectic traffic is ...I can offer to pay for the Uber rides so she doesn’t have to ride the train but I’m trying not to be too pushy offering help because she already told us she doesn’t like feeling “incapable”.

I’ll keep reading around here to learn more and if anything I’ll be sure to ask again for advice.

Thanks again strong ladies

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Hopeful82014

Philly, she will probably do just fine getting through radiation. Her immune system may be compromised so she'll want to be ultra careful if she's using public transit. And if someone offers her a seat she should feel free to accept it.

ctmbsikia

Philly512, you're a wonderful daughter.  I am 56 and also have an adult daughter in her young 30's. When she created a shared spreadsheet I thought uh oh I may not be running my own life now. I did put her on my HIPPA and she has been with me at several appointments. Another set of ears is very helpful.  Hard to know where the line is, as there has been a few times I have felt the same as your mother.  I'm OK, no you don't have to do this, or do that, and yes I can get to and from radiation treatments on my own.  Sending a care package and a word of encouragement at the start of treatment I think she would appreciate.  I hope all goes well, I'm sure you will be checking on her during treatment.